


Shortcuts

by blaketrash



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But mostly fluff, Drinking Games, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I'm Bad At Summaries, New Year's Eve, Really really slow burn, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Sneaking Out, Truth or Dare, Underage Drinking, beer pong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23191180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blaketrash/pseuds/blaketrash
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke are not exactly friends. They're not quite enemies either since for most of the year they tolerate each other for Octavia's sake. Sometimes they put their differences aside and try to have an actual conversation.Sometimes those conversations make Clarke feel like maybe they could actually be friends. Or even something more.This story takes place over the course of five years- five New Year's Eve parties.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 100
Kudos: 273





	1. Chapter 1

"My brother is such an idiot," Octavia sighs, throwing herself on the couch between her friends.

She's been like this the entire night, ever since Bellamy presented them with the one and only rule: "stay in the living room, you're not welcome downstairs." He tells them this the moment their small group walks into his house, Clarke still struggling to take off her long white scarf while others kick off their snow-covered shoes at the door. As soon as he's done with this very short announcement, Bellamy disappears somewhere and leaves them behind with his miserable little sister.

This short occurrence is the first time Clarke sees Octavia's brother outside of school. He looks somehow more smug than he does when she sometimes sees him around the school. Usually, in school, he acts as if he thinks the rules everybody else has to follow don't apply to him, but here, at his house, he knows he can do whatever the hell he wants. Like a king in his castle. His posture seems different tonight, his hair is slicked back with more gel than usual and even his ever-present smirk looks more arrogant. Clarke wishes he wasn't so aware of how good he looks.

If Octavia wasn't one of her closest friends, Clarke would have never known or even guessed that an annoyingly arrogant guy such as Bellamy is related to Octavia, a literal ray of sunshine and the most energetic freshmen she met since she started high school. Aside from their vaguely similar appearance they have nothing in common. They don't even talk to each other in public. This is, apparently, because of the agreement the two of them have about not talking to each other on the school campus which Clarke found odd at first until Octavia explained how she wanted to find her own friends, make a lasting impression on people without being reduced to Bellamy Blake's little sister.

But at this New Year's party, Octavia's just that: Bellamy's little sister. It drives her crazy. She's forced to throw her party in the poorly lit living room where there's not much space for them to move around. They're all banned from entering the basement where Bellamy is throwing what sounds like a real high school party all of them dreamed about when Octavia invited them over.

It works out somehow, they manage to have fun despite their music not being loud enough to cover all the noise coming from downstairs that only reminds them of what they could be missing. Clarke likes it better this way, at least she's not in the crowd of drunken strangers, suffocating in a cloud of cigarette smoke. She could never tell Octavia that she actually doesn't mind the party they're having upstairs as she enjoys spending most of the night playing different board games with Jasper, Monty and Harper while Octavia inevitably sulks besides them.

"I've never been kissed at midnight," Octavia says to no one in particular. Monty rolls the dice, landing on Clarke's property. He pays up and Clarke grins. It's Jasper's turn to play but he seems too distracted by Octavia's statement.

"Were you planning on kissing someone tonight?" Harper, a girl from Clarke's English class who only recently started sitting with them at lunch, asks curiously.

"Well, I was hoping I'll get Bell's friend Atom to kiss me because he's always trying to flirt with me when my stupid brother isn't looking," Octavia explains, gesticulating way too much as she speaks. "But now I'm not even allowed to be in his proximity. That's such bullshit!"

"Bellamy needs to understand you're not a little kid anymore and loosen up a bit," Clarke tells her friend in the same way she had rehearsed it and said it before, at least dozen times in the last few weeks. "He should accept that you're almost an adult now and quit that overprotective bullshit."

"Maybe he should get just get laid," Harper jumps in excitedly, causing Clarke to choke on her soda. She definitely wasn't expecting this conversation to turn into a chat about Bellamy's love life. "That ought to loosen him up," Harper adds, her voice hopeful.

Octavia leans back and lets her head hit the backrest. "I don't think that's a problem he's having," she sighs, sounding appropriately grossed out by the thought of her brother having sex, "I think he's just being an overprotective asshole because he can. Plus he doesn't trust me and thinks I'm still a child."

"It's your turn, Jasper," Monty says suddenly, uncomfortably changing the subject as his best friend continues to stare at the black-haired girl in front of him, his mouth slightly open. Monty smacks Jasper's arm to break the spell.

"Maybe you could kiss someone else?" Jasper suggests in a way that he probably thinks makes him sound casual but his voice breaks at the last word and Clarke has to put a hand over her mouth to hide her laugh. She can't understand how Octavia can be so oblivious to Jasper's obvious crush. Clarke figured it out the day all of them met, when they first sat at lunch together and Jasper couldn't put together a single sentence whenever Octavia looked at him with her piercing green eyes and a sweet smile on her lips. And even now, Jasper asking this question and trying not to look directly into Octavia's eye as he speaks should give her best friend at least a hint on what is going on inside his head.

"Nah. I wanted Atom," Octavia tells Jasper and Clarke watches him try to act unbothered. His gaze drops down to his hands for a moment until he finally rolls the dice and lands in jail. It's Clarke's turn to roll but she gets up to change the song that's playing in the background to something more cheerful.

"Atom is so hot. Right Clarke?" Octavia asks and Clarke thinks about all the times Octavia insisted on the two of them following Atom around the school, spying on him with his friends and all the lunches she wouldn't shut up about him. There's always been a part of Clarke that thought maybe Octavia was so into him because her brother was so against the idea of Atom and her dating. Or maybe her best friend was genuinely in love with a guy she barely even knew. Whatever the reason, Clarke couldn't see the appeal but she wasn't going to tell Octavia that.

"He's not my type," Clarke decides. "He's great for you, though." She grimaces, hoping that didn't come off as slightly offensive to Octavia but the black-haired girl just nods happily in response.

"What is your type, Clarke?" Harper asks unexpectedly. Clarke opens her mouth to answer but luckily Monty cuts her off. She has no idea what she was going to say anyway. She definitely wasn't going to say that she might have been crushing on her best friend's older brother who’s personality she can't stand.

"Why don't we play a different game?" Monty suggests loudly, fidgeting with his board piece as he speaks. "Since we're obviously no longer playing monopoly."

"How about we play a drinking game?" Octavia suddenly proposes, her eyes lighting up with mischief.

"With soda?"

At that, Octavia's lips curl into a devious grin; never a good sign. "Bellamy has booze downstairs and I bet I can steal some."

It was a bad idea and Clarke's only aware of it as she stands in the kitchen, ten minutes later, tapping her foot nervously. If she had to guess she would bet Octavia probably got distracted, forgot why she came downstairs and is currently flirting with Atom. Still, a part of her worries Octavia got caught. She hears footsteps on the stairs and Octavia bursts into the kitchen and Clarke is relieved until a second later when she sees Bellamy following her step. In a panic, Clarke quickly turns and opens a random cabinet as if she's looking for something.

"What did we agree to Octavia?" Bellamy's voice echos through the kitchen.

"I didn't agree to anything!"

"I agreed to let you host your stupid little friends upstairs and there was only one rule: don't come downstairs. And what did you do?"

"You're such a dick, Bellamy!" Octavia yells. "It was Atom who came on to me. I just came downstairs to ask you something."

"Go ahead, ask me what you wanted." Silence. It's clear to all that she was lying. Bellamy sighs. "You told me not to talk to you in school and I don't. So, now, please respect my wishes and don't come to my party if I asked you not to." Clarke can almost hear Octavia opening her mouth to protest but Bellamy continues. "I'll deal with Atom. He won't be bothering you anymore, O."

"Don't!" She shrieks. "I really like him, Bellamy!"

"He's a senior, Octavia. He has no business messing around with freshmen. Especially not my sister."

Octavia doesn't respond and Bellamy's voice gets softer. "Just go back to your kiddie party, play Uno or whatever," he tells her condescendingly. "And tell your friend that she's been staring at that cupboard way too long not to realize there's nothing for her in it."

As soon as Clarke realizes Bellamy's talking about her, she whips around to face him. She has been trying so hard not to intervene or draw attention, she didn't even think about how stupid she might have looked. She should have left the room. Her face is beet red now. "Sorry," she manages. "I was just looking for chips and then, ehm-," she trails off not knowing how to explain that she didn't mean to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"That's Clarke," Octavia tells her brother who, in response, raises his eyebrows questioningly. "I told you about her," his sister insists.

Bellamy turns to Clarke, cold look on his face as his eyes scan her entire body. She suddenly feels incredibly aware and embarrassed about how overdressed she is for this occasion. She clutches the pearl necklace her mother made her put on to match her little black dress and after a moment Clarke brings herself to meet Bellamy's eyes. He doesn't look impressed.

"Cool," he says sarcastically, not making any effort to shake Clarke's hand or introduce himself.

"There are chips in the cupboard to your left," Bellamy tells Clarke and then turns to Octavia. "As for the alcohol," he reaches behind Octavia and takes the bottle of vodka his sister was trying to hide behind her back, "better luck next year."

"Have fun, kiddos," he says coldly as he leaves the kitchen, locking the basement doors behind him.

Clarke wishes she had said something to him before he left but when she faced him she felt as if she was frozen, entirely unable to speak. She hates that he had that effect on her. This tiny and completely inexplicable crush has to stop.

"What an asshole," Octavia groans.

"Yeah," Clarke agrees as they leave the kitchen together, one of Clarke's arms slung over her friend's shoulders and holding three packs of tortilla chips in the other.

"I guess I just won't kiss anyone this year either," Octavia says, trying not to sound too disappointed as they rejoin their group.

And that's exactly what happens. Around midnight their little group goes outside to get the best view of the Arkadia's annual firework show and to their surprise, Bellamy and his friends join them on the porch. In the last minutes leading to midnight Clarke stands with Octavia watching Monty, Jasper and Harper throw firecrackers around Blake's small yard, leaving footprints in the snow as they run around. When the time comes both groups count down to midnight and just as the fireworks start Clarke's eyes search the crowd on the porch until they land on Bellamy. He's kissing a brown-haired girl, his hands cradling her face.

Feeling nervous about the possibility of Bellamy catching her staring, Clarke makes herself look away. She turns her attention back to her friends who are still playing around in the snow; Monty and Jasper making snow angles and Harper throwing snowballs at them, laughing hysterically. Even though she's not dressed for cold, Clarke steps forward towards her friends, wanting so badly to join them. That's when she realizes Octavia is not following her step and is instead standing still behind her, her eyes full of tears as she witnesses Atom kiss some girl Clarke had never seen before.

So instead of joining the fun in the snow, Clarke reaches back, takes Octavia's hand and squeezes it tightly, giving her friend a soft smile when she faces her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm social distancing (corona 2020 babyy) I decided to finally start posting this thing I've been working on. There will be 11 or 12 chapters, I have written most of them and will be posting once a week (but twice this week since this chapter is so short). This is the first fanfic I ever wrote and also English is not my first language :)
> 
> Hope you liked it!
> 
> For any comments or constructional criticism you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com)) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! :)


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't believe we're going through this Blake sibling drama again," Harper whispers to Clarke as the two of them approach a pouting Octavia who's sprawled across the old gray couch, barely making any effort to make some room for her friends to sit next to her.

It's been exactly a year since the last New Year's party and Clarke and her friends are all back in Octavia's living room. The same rules apply as last year but this year they were determined to throw a real New Year's party. They moved some furniture around to create a dance floor, decorated the place a bit and invited more people from their class. Clarke also brought Wells, her best childhood friend. She hoped this party could be a good opportunity for him to get to know her friends better and also for them to spend some more time together before he leaves for his boarding school again in a week. Clarke decides the first part of her goal is fulfilled when she sees Wells talking to Monty and Myles about a movie they've seen yesterday so she turns back to Octavia and Harper.

"Did you really think this year would be different?" Harper asks Octavia who just shrugs and gulps down another glass of wine. At least they have alcohol this year.

Clarke brings her glass to her mouth, taking a sip before she joins the conversation. She feels like she's talking to a four-year-old throwing a tantrum. "How about we just try to enjoy this party and not think about the people downstairs?"

On one hand, Clarke understands why Octavia is acting the way she is; they all saw Atom arrive at Bellamy's party half an hour ago with some girl and since then Octavia has been in a bad mood. On the other hand, Clarke expected Octavia to be over Atom ever since she saw him kiss that other girl a year ago. When they saw the couple kiss again in the school hallway once the second semester started, Octavia promised she would try to get over him. Then Atom graduated high school in June and left for college and was never a topic of conversation again until tonight.

It's only after ten minutes of persistent persuasion from both of her best friends when Octavia finally realizes she's overreacting and agrees to try to cheer up. They start by making the whole group play Never Have I Ever. Clarke drinks more than she'd like as Wells uses every single one of their childhood stories to make her drink. Monty tries to single out Jasper by saying he never had a crush on anyone in the room but his plan backfires when Wells, Myles and Harper join Jasper and drink to that together. Clarke avoids Wells's eye as he brings his cup up to his lips and instead she turns her attention to Octavia who is fidgeting with her glass.

"I've never traveled outside Arkadia," Octavia announces and only Monty, Clarke and Wells drink. Clarke feels bad that most of her friends never got the chance to leave this depressing little town even just for a little while but there's still hope for all of them, they're young and in two years they'll be starting college, most definitely outside of Arkadia.

"Never have I ever caught my parents doing it," Monty says, raising his cup in the air like he's about to give a toast. Jasper glares at him as he takes a sip and the entire group laughs.

"I still have traumas from that so thanks so much, Monty," he comments shortly, causing another eruption of laughter among the group.

"You're welcome." His best friend replies.

"Never have I ever been in a serious relationship." Harper offers and, to Clarke's surprise, nobody in the room drinks. She can still feel Wells's eyes burning in her direction.

"Wow, who knew we all had such game?" Myles says sarcastically, breaking the silence. He thinks for a while before he comes up with his statement: "Never have I ever drank underage."

"You can't say things that you did! That's not fair- it's cheating!" Octavia protests suddenly, pulling the glass away from her lips.

"You can." Myles insists and Octavia looks to Clarke for backup but her friend only shrugs.

"You should have told me earlier." She folds her arms on her chest. "I might have said something else that would give me a chance to drink since all of you failed me."

"I won't fail you!" Jasper promises dramatically as he takes his turn. Sure enough, Octavia drinks for the second time since the game started. They play a couple more rounds until Octavia's back to her normal self. When Monroe announces she's too drunk to continue Jasper turns up the music, this time actually loud enough to drown the noises coming from the party downstairs.

Clarke's feeling slightly buzzed. She's dancing in the middle of the living room with Harper, both of them yelling the lyrics as loud as they can until Clarke realizes Octavia should be with them. As her eyes search the room she finds her best friend laughing with Jasper in the corner of the room. She quickly turns to whisper something about the scene she just witnessed to Harper when she notices Bellamy standing in the kitchen doorway with a girl.

Clarke can't see the girl's face but from their body language and the way Bellamy looks at her she's almost sure they're flirting. Clarke catches a glimpse of the curly girl's laugh before she heads back to the basement but Bellamy doesn't go after her. He sticks around on the doorway for a moment, catching Clarke's eye before he heads into the kitchen. Clarke feels a strange urge to follow him.

"Hey, princess. Having fun?" Bellamy asks sarcastically as she walks in. This nickname has become a regular occurrence between the two of them ever since he started driving Octavia and Clarke home from school a few months ago. The first time he did he joked about how Clarke should have called her personal driver instead of him. When he called her ‘princess’ Clarke couldn't manage to hide her annoyance and it seems like Bellamy has since made it his life mission to continue to annoy Clarke. She wanted so badly to seem unbothered but it was difficult when she was around him, he always made her feel nervous.

"I'm definitely having more fun than your sister tonight," Clarke responds as she pretends to search for a bottle of water in the fridge, trying to seem uninterested in him. When she's around him she often finds herself acting more arrogant, spoiled and overall like a rich brat. She knows that's all he thinks she is and since there's no way to change his opinion, why bother?

She's also well aware her remark makes no sense as he too probably saw Octavia finally enjoying herself just a minute ago but Clarke sticks with it. He's was making his sister miserable on New Year's for the second year in a row and she takes it as her duty to rub it in.

Bellamy, unsurprisingly, completely ignores her comment about Octavia. "So, you live here now, huh? Got bored of your castle? I think I know what it was- it was too big, huh?" He asks, opening a can of beer while leaning against the kitchen isle.

It was true; Clarke has been spending a lot of time at the Blake household ever since her dad died in May. It was hard to spend an entire day all alone in an empty house when her mother buried herself in her work, taking multiple shifts at the hospital after which she would come home and collapse on her bed until it's her shift again. Clarke never expected that to be a thing that could deepen her relationship with Octavia but it did. The two of them grew even closer in the past year, bonding over shared trauma of losing a father figure and their mothers turning into a shell of a person they used to be. In that one aspect, their life stories seem to be quite similar but that's where similarities end. Before Clarke had lost her dad she had a mostly happy childhood and a wealthy family, while Octavia always had only her mostly absent mother and an overprotective brother to lean on. For the past year Clarke enjoyed spending all her free time with Octavia who was very fun to be around when she wasn't longing for some guy she's never even dated. They would spend days together in the Blake house either constantly babbling about something or just cuddled up on the couch in the living room, watching movies.

Clarke turns to look at Bellamy who's absentmindedly running his fingers through his thick gelled hair, completely messing it up. She doesn't allow herself to think about how good he looks. Or how good his arms look in that black button-down with sleeves pushed up to his elbows. Apparently it doesn't seem to be working as she feels herself blush slightly. When will she get over that stupid crush?

"Oh I moved in months ago! You were just too busy finding a new girlfriend every week and ordering your minions around to notice." She retorts as it was common knowledge Bellamy was turning into a more of a ladies man in his senior year of high school than he ever was before, constantly hooking up at parties and bringing girls home.

Bellamy chuckles from her comment which makes Clarke relax a bit. From the way he stands and carries himself she can tell this isn't his first beer. "That's not really a burn, princess," he notes.

She blinks. "What?"

"The fact that I'm desirable is not a burn."

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. "So what are you doing here? I thought your awesome party was downstairs?"

"I just came here to clear my mind. Can't really think down there with all the music, noise and smoke." He lifts his beer to take another sip but instead he sarcastically adds: "Maybe you don't know this: noise is what people make when they're having a good time."

"Ha-ha, good one," she replies just as sarcastically.

For a moment Bellamy just stands across from her, silently studying her. "Maybe you could help me," he says as he moves closer to her. "But you can't tell Octavia."

"What?"

"I know this might come as a shock to you, but I think I actually need some girl advice."

"No way! Ladies man extraordinaire, the king of delinquents himself, is requesting girl advice? How is this possible?" Clarke mocks and then, in her best attempt at the transatlantic accent, she clutches her chest with one hand and throws the back of her other hand against her forehead. "Oh dear me! My whole world is crumbling!"

"Forget it, Clarke," he says coldly, turning to leave.

Clarke perfectly aware of how incredibly embarrassing she just acted, it's burning her insides at the mere thought of it and she already knows she'll be losing sleep over this but it's not like she's going to admit to him that she feels bad. "Whatever!" She calls after Bellamy. "I was just surprised you wanted to ask me for advice. I thought you didn't like me," she adds, more to herself but he hears her and turns back around.

"Oh, I still don't," he tells her with a laugh.

"Great!" She chuckles and then it's silence again. Bellamy is still standing in front of her so it seems as if he changed his mind again or he's at least reconsidering. "So?" She raises her left eyebrow.

"I'm only asking you because I don't want to ask any of my actual friends about this."

"Afraid they'll lose respect for you and stop following you around just because you need help with a girl? Cool friends you got there."

"Yeah, no. I can't talk to you about this. It's too weird. Forget it."

"You're the one making it weird," she points out. "Next time don't ask if you're going to back down the moment I agree." She expects him to give up and leave but he lingers in the kitchen.

"I guess I need another beer first," he finally decides. "Want one?" Clarke just nods as he hands her a can. He almost chugs the entire thing while Clarke just sips hers. They stand in silence for a couple of moments, Clarke pretending to be fascinated by the kitchen counter as she's trying to avoid looking Bellamy in the eyes. Red wine and beer don't mix too well in her stomach. Or in her head.

"So?" Clarke starts again, trying her best to sound sober, still tracing her fingers on the marble counter. "There's a girl?" Her heart is beating unusually fast and loud. Can he hear it?

"There's a girl," Bellamy agrees. "I don't know if you know her but she's just amazing, Clarke. I really like her. A lot." The sudden enthusiasm in his voice makes Clarke sick in her stomach and she convinces herself it's definitely because of the alcohol. No, she couldn't possibly be jealous. She tries to shake it off and focus back on his words.

"God I even learned to play her favorite song on my guitar," Bellamy adds, more to himself than to Clarke. "I wanted to make a move tonight but she's just like you: she thinks I flirt with every girl I see and only want to hook up." He's fully looking at Clarke now, his eyes focused on hers, waiting for an answer and she doesn't know what to say.

Clarke clears her throat. "And that's a problem?"

"Yeah. I need her to see I'm serious about her," Bellamy says as he steps closer to Clarke. "Come on, princess, what did your boyfriend do to win over a girl like you?"

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"What about that rich guy in the living room whom I've never seen before?" It takes a couple of seconds for Clarke to realize he's talking about Wells. She wonders when did Bellamy even get the chance to see Wells, let alone realize her friend's feelings for her.

"First of all, how can you even tell he's rich?" She crosses her arms over her chest and Bellamy just smirks in response. "Second, he's not my boyfriend, just my friend who I thought I might bring here to meet everybody." Why does she feel the need to explain herself to him?

"Well, I hate to break it to you but the prince likes you."

"He doesn't," she lies, still wondering how the hell did he figure it out.

"Ah I see." Bellamy suddenly laughs as he folds his arms, mirroring her. "Ouch."

"What?"

" _You_ don't like _him_ ," he says, somehow amused by it.

It's true but Clarke could never explain the whole situation to Bellamy. He wouldn't understand just like Wells couldn't understand her when he told her how he felt a week before they started high school and she turned him down. Clarke always loved Wells only as a friend, or perhaps even as a brother. And even if she ever liked him more than that, it would still be impossible to keep a long-distance relationship while he's in a boarding school abroad.

"Anyway, _I'm_ not the topic of this conversation," Clarke decides, her cheeks suddenly burning. "You were asking me for advice about this girl you like and, if I remember correctly, we were discussing how we don't know if she likes you back."

"Ouch," Bellamy repeats, a cocky grin still on his face. "She probably likes me back though." There it was; that trademark Bellamy arrogance. It drove Clarke crazy.

"So what is your question?" She asks, not even trying to hide her annoyance anymore.

"I can't decide if I should just kiss her at midnight. I'd do that if I were looking to hook up, but since I want more than that, maybe I shouldn't kiss her?" Clarke wasn't expecting him to be this open and honest with her and for a second it confuses her so much that she forgets he's waiting for an answer.

Clarke has to think about it for a minute, her slightly drunk brain slowing her down. "I get where you're coming from. I think kissing her at midnight could definitely be seen as taking a shortcut." She's not sure if she's making any sense.

"A shortcut?"

"Yeah. Like you're taking the easy way. It's no risk - all reward. That way if at the end of the day you find out she does like you back - that's great, and if she doesn't you could just use New Year's as an excuse. You could say you just didn't want bad luck next year and kissing her is better than kissing Murphy," she concludes her rambling. It's only at the end of her last sentence she realizes she's been staring at her hands the entire time she was speaking, unable to look up and face Bellamy's brown unwavering eyes.

"I think we already covered how all women find me attractive and there's no chance Gina doesn't like me back," Bellamy says fake annoyed but Clarke's mind wraps only around the fact that he told her the girl's name.

Gina. Clarke instantly puts the face to the name. She knows exactly who Gina is. When Clarke thinks about it, Gina's probably the one who was laughing with Bellamy a few minutes ago. Gina Martin. She's seen the curly-haired girl around the school and talked to her a couple of times in the art class but it was enough to leave a permanent impression. There's just something calming about Gina that makes being around her and talking to her feel so easy and light. Clarke understands why Bellamy's into her. For a second she's almost glad the two of them found each other.

"I don't think I understand. I shouldn't take the easy way?" Bellamy asks, stopping Clarke from getting too lost in her thoughts.

"No. You can kiss her at midnight. But if I were you, and wanted her to know I'm serious about her, I would probably try to show her how I feel before midnight so she knows it's real when we kiss."

"I gotta be honest I don't like this, princess," he tells her. “It sounds like some bullshit sixteen-year-old’s advice."

"You’re the one who asked the sixteen-year-old for advice."

"Point taken," Bellamy chuckles. "I guess I'll try it cause I trust you," he says, whipping out a phone out of his pocket and typing something until he looks up at Clarke again with a concerned face. "Should I trust you? Is this whole thing revenge for something?"

"Revenge for what?"

"I don't know. Being mean to you?" He suggests and it almost makes Clarke's stomach turn.

"No, Bellamy," she tells him firmly. "It's just my opinion. I don't care enough to lie."

"Cool," Bellamy nods before his tone turns more playful and he starts talking faster, "and if you ever need an advice I owe you one. For example: if you don't know if you should give lover-boy a chance, you can come to me. And then I'll tell you how you definitely should give him a chance since he's obviously in love with you."

"Shut up," she tells him, half-jokingly.

He looks her up and down one more time. "I think this was probably ok advice. Thanks, princess."

He's almost at the basement doors when Clarke calls after him. "Can you stop calling me princess?"

"I really can't. Sorry, princess," Bellamy smirks, closing the door behind him.

When Clarke rejoins the party in the living room, the general mood in the room is different from when she left. Harper's done dancing and is now lounging on the couch with Monroe and Fox. Clarke catches Wells's eye from across the room where the tall guy is sitting with Monty but Monty seems to be the only one invested in the conversation the two of them are having. He's telling Wells about something he's obviously passionate about, but instead of listening Wells just nods him on, staring at Clarke instead.

After the conversation Clarke had with Bellamy in the kitchen, she decides to avoid Wells for the rest of the night. It's New Year's Eve, after all, and Clarke knows it's bound to get sentimental at some point of the night so her best plan is to avoid it at all cost. She doesn't want to get to close to him so he'll feel the need to bring up any kind of emotion he might still have for her. She decides her safest bet is joining Harper, Monroe and Fox in their conversation but nothing they say quite sticks with her. She sits beside her friends, pretending to listen to them but her mind is somewhere else. Maybe miles away. And maybe only in the basement, making her think about what might be happening between Bellamy and Gina at this very moment. Time flies by and before Clarke realizes it's time to go out and watch the fireworks.

The scene is almost the same as last year except there's no snow. Clarke is standing on the porch, huddled up with the girls, watching the boys unpack some special firecrackers then try and fail to set them off. It's two minutes until midnight when Bellamy and his friends show up on the porch, the same time as last year. The biggest difference is that this year they're louder and harder to ignore, which Clarke realizes when she feels the need to look for Bellamy and his possible future girlfriend. She only hopes Octavia doesn't have the same need to search for Atom so she turns to her best friend who actually seems fine.

"Hey," Clarke tugs on Octavia's sleeve. "How are you feeling?"

Her best friend smiles in response. "Better. It would still be cool to have someone to kiss."

"Too bad all our boys are gross," Harper chimes in. They all chuckle as Clarke tries her hardest not to bring up Harper's secret crush on Monty. Is it a secret if almost everybody except Monty knows?

"Next year we should invite people who are actually hot," Clarke suggests jokingly and the girls welcome the idea with a cheer.

Countdown to midnight starts sooner than Clarke expected. Everything's happening so fast. They're down to four when Clarke hears Octavia sigh dramatically. Clarke and Harper exchange confused glances behind Octavia's head.

"THREE!"

"Screw this!" Octavia mutters before she marches onto the yard stubbornly.

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

Octavia pulls Jasper by his shoulders and kisses him briefly on the lips. Harper screams from delight just as Clarke slaps her hand across her own mouth, trying not to scream as well.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

As the fireworks go off, Clarke pulls Harper into a hug, both of them still shocked about what they've just witnessed. When the two girls break apart, Clarke catches sight of Bellamy on the other side of the porch. He's kissing Gina, his hands around her waist and Gina's hands in his hair and on his neck.

Clarke stares for too long. She stares until they pull away and even from afar she can see the pure bliss on both of their faces. For a second her heart completely sinks but her brain reminds her she can't let herself be jealous. She isn't jealous. It's was a stupid crush and now she's definitely over it. She has to be. And to prove it to herself, she forces a smile on her face and turns around to wish a happy New Year to the rest of her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> For any comments or constructional criticism you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com)) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! :)


	3. Chapter 3

The basement is finally theirs. After two years of celebrating New Year's in a small stuffy living room upstairs, it's finally the time for them to take over the famous Blake basement and, honestly, it isn't that much different to Clarke. Sure, they finally feel like they are the grown-ups now. And, sure, there are more people at Octavia's party than ever before but there's also this added pressure of having to throw the best New Year's party just because Bellamy's parties were always the talk of the school. That's also one of the biggest downsides of New Year's Eve: the pressure to have the perfect night, the perfect midnight kiss, the perfect start to a new year. Sometimes that pressure can really affect certain people.

"Where the hell are those blue balloons?" Octavia stormed through the basement, an hour before the party was set to start. Clarke and Jasper came earlier to help Octavia decorate the place but if Clarke knew Octavia would be acting this insane, she might have made up some sort of excuse and let Jasper deal with Octavia on his own.

"You told me they don't match the carpet so I took them upstairs," Jasper told their best friend.

"Why the fuck did you do that? Get them back!" Octavia looked like she was going to explode. Jasper and Clarke just exchanged a confused glance as Octavia pressed a hand to her forehead and started mumbling to herself. "I swear I have to do anything around here."

Octavia was out of her mind and Clarke had never seen her like this before. Yes, her best friend could sometimes be intense, obsessive and commanding but never like this. It's been two hours since Jasper and Clarke arrived and Octavia was bossing them around the entire time. She had millions of demands and would change her mind so often her friends were starting to get really bored of it. And it's really not like either of them were helping that much; though she was constantly telling them what to do, Octavia was still the one doing most of the work, being too controlling to let them do anything without correcting even the smallest "mistakes". Clarke had had enough.

"Hey, O, I think you need to relax a bit," Clarke knew she was playing with fire but it needed to be said, "people will love your party no matter the color of balloons or confetti or whatever."

"You don't get it," Octavia told Clarke, her lower lip trembling and her eyes glistening with tears. "It has to be perfect."

Clarke and Jasper exchanged another look. It was his turn but he seemed too confused and done with this whole situation to try to soothe Octavia. "Why?" He asked her, cracking open a bottle of vodka and pouring himself a glass. "Because of Lincoln?"

Instead of answering Octavia just nodded. Tears were now streaming down her cheeks, her mascara and the foundation completely ruined. An hour of putting on makeup gone to waste.

"I know New Year's Eve means a lot to you and that you want to make this night perfect for the guy you like," Clarke started cautiously," but you don't have to spend so much time planning out every single detail." She sympathetically offered her best friend a hand. Octavia nodded again in understanding and pulled Clarke into a hug, tightening her arms around Clarke's neck and burying her face in Clarke's shoulder.

"Imagine if I was stressing out this much about Maya." Jasper approached the two girls and threw his arms around both. "I bet you would have punched me by now," he joked, making the crying girl chuckle a bit.

When they pulled away from their group hug, a pact was made: "no stressing over this night for whatever reason!" Clarke was the one who came up with the idea of a pact though she knew she'd have nothing to stress about, unlike her friends. Both of them were trying to make a move tonight on their longtime crushes and she, well, she knew the person she'd like to see the most probably isn't invited to his own basement.

When the party starts Clarke finds herself laid back in a chair, surrounded by her close friends and with her third wine glass in hand. It's the perfect start to a very pleasant evening. People are cracking jokes around her, gossiping about people from her class and having fun as she attempts to keep the conversation going between her and a guy named Finn.

Finn seems like a nice enough guy. He came to their party by accident, his friend Lincoln dragged him along so when they arrived Finn didn't know anyone. Octavia then made a big deal about introducing the two senior guys to every person in the room and then put Finn to sit next to Clarke as she led Lincoln to talk with him alone. At first, Clarke felt awkward for being stuck talking with him, but after a while she starts to find him actually charming. Maybe it's the alcohol in her system or his charismatic personality that makes her suddenly find him more attractive than when she first started talking to him.

Finn tells her all about his plans for the future, college, his life. He's enthusiastic to find out about her interests and future plans but since she currently has none, besides the fact that she will definitely attend some college somewhere and choose some major, she circles back to ask him if he's having fun.

"How could I not? I'm talking to the prettiest girl in the room." He smiles as they lock eyes. "If not the prettiest in whole Arkadia."

She can feel her cheeks burn but she has no idea how to answer that so she takes a sip of her wine.

"Seriously," Finn starts again, his voice playful, "are you sure you're not a model?"

"Come on, that's gotta be the cheesiest pick-up line ever."

He chuckles as he pulls out his phone and starts typing something. "You think that's cheesy? Wanna see real cheesy?" He dares her.

"Yes, please." She smiles.

"I'll give you cheesy." He winks before he looks down and starts to read off his phone. "Was your dad a boxer? Because damn, you're a knockout!"

Clark slaps her hand across her mouth as she bursts into laughter. "Oh. My. God."

"Is there an airport nearby or is it my heart taking off?" He reads, making her laugh even more. "Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?" He looks up at her after that one. "See, that's just terrible. Imagine if a person tried that on you."

"Are you African? Because you're a frican babe? That's terrible!" Clarke reads off his phone in between laughs. He scoots closer to her so she can see more of the screen.

"I like this one. Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful." He puts his hand to his chest. "This is our story, Clarke. How can you not love that?"

"No way. Too cheesy, just like this one." She points to his screen as she reads it out loud: "I'm not a photographer but I sure can picture me and you together."

"I guess we would make a great couple," he says, his tone more serious than before but still half-joking. "You convinced me." He dramatically slaps his leg. "I have no option but to propose marriage."

She knows he's just joking flirtatiously so she tries her best to respond in the same tone in an attempt to entertain the idea without actually saying yes in case he turns out to be a psychopath. "Isn't it too soon? I am not yet of age, my mother would never allow it," she says as dramatically as she would if she were starring in a 16th-century play.

"Isn't that how it goes in all Disney cartoons?" He asks. "The princess is never old enough to get married and yet by the end of the movie she always gets married to the prince and it's usually like five hours after meeting the guy."

Clarke has no idea how to respond to that now. It's not that she doesn't like jokingly flirting with Finn but it somehow became too real too soon. She knows he's not actually proposing marriage but he's definitely hinting at a possible relationship between the two and it's too quick for Clarke's taste.

Even if Clarke knew what to say, she doesn't get to respond to Finn because a second later Jasper shows up in front of her and breaks the pact.

He pulls her away from the rest of their friends and Finn, to whom she barely apologizes to as she's being dragged away. It's only when they're standing alone in the furthest corner of the room when Clarke realizes Jasper's actually totally freaking out.

"What if she doesn't like me?" Jasper asks Clarke. She probably isn't his first choice for a pep talk, Monty or Octavia are probably better at this than her but are also most definitely busy with their current or future significant others. She was quite busy too, flirting with Finn, but Jasper either didn't notice or didn't care.

Clarke places her hands on Jasper's shoulders, both to keep him steady and to keep herself from stumbling over because of sudden dizziness. "Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?" She asks as she looks up into his eyes. It's a rhetorical question so she keeps talking, trying to calm him down. "She likes you, we know that. Everybody knows that. You two are not subtle and therefore there's nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure?" He raises his eyebrows suspiciously.

"While we were out last Friday you two seemed inseparable. I don't think either of you even looked at anyone else from the group that night," Clarke tells him. It was actually annoying how cute he and Maya looked together that night. "We were all pretty shocked when we found out you didn't get together then."

"Yeah, well-," Jasper grins sheepishly as she scratches the back of his neck, "I just thought the day after Christmas is a pretty shitty day for an anniversary."

"See?" Clarke chuckles. "If you think you had a chance then, why is tonight any different? Because it's New Year's?" She demands and only gets a nervous smile in response. "Do you want me to call over Octavia so she could punch you?"

Jasper laughs at her joke before he places his hands on her shoulders. "Thanks, Clarke." They probably look ridiculous standing like this so Clarke drops her arms.

She shrugs. "Let's go back to the party."

Clarke's halfway to Finn when somebody grabs her arm and whips her around. When she turns she realizes it's Octavia and it seems like it's her turn to freak out and break the pact.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Her best friend asks, fidgeting with her hands like she does when she's nervous. "I told him not to come," she insists.

"Who?" Clarke asks but as soon as she does she notices Octavia's brother at the base of the stairs, slowly making his way towards the center of the basement with one hand in his pocket, ruffling his curly hair with the other. The top buttons of his shirt are undone and he's not wearing a tie but he's still looking overdressed and too mature for a high school basement party. The rest of the guys in the room look like little boys compared to him.

Clarke's body is frozen as she watches him walk up to the table with the refreshments. She didn't expect Bellamy to show up.

"Clarke, could you go talk to him?" Octavia pleads. "I'm kinda in the middle of something and I don't want to make a scene for the third year in a row."

"Yeah, sure," Clarke says, her eyes still locked on Octavia's brother. Somehow she can't make herself look away.

"You're the best!" Octavia kisses her cheek before she runs back to Lincoln's side. The two of them have been inseparable the entire night, almost like Maya and Jasper that night at the bar.

On the one hand, she's happy for her friends. Honestly, she's thrilled they're all pairing up and falling in love. It's great. On the other hand, it will suck to be the only single person in the group. Sometimes she wishes she had what her friends have but whenever she's close to achieving that, stuff gets too real and she pulls away. That's why Clarke decided it's better to crush on people she has no actual chance with; like famous musicians, movie stars or her best friend's older brother.

As Clarke's making her way towards Bellamy, a part of her hopes he'll look up for their eyes to meet from across the crowded room and everything else to melt away like it usually happens in the movies. But this is not a movie so it's not until Clarke's standing right in front of him when he finally notices her and his expression brightens.

"Your sister sent me to find out what are you doing at her party," she says as she folds her arms on her chest.

Bellamy looks around the room. "This is a party? Haven't noticed," he says sarcastically. He looks somehow even hotter from up close.

"Ha ha."

"Just came to get some booze, princess." He dangles a bottle between them. Clarke can tell from his posture and the lazy smile on his face that he's already at least slightly drunk.

"In that case may I recommend something stronger than a bottle of water?" She asks, raising her eyebrow playfully.

"What?" The surprised look on his face is soon masked with a smirk. He unscrews the top and gives it a whiff. "I thought this was a clever way to hide vodka in plain sight in case the party gets busted."

She reaches under the table and pulls out two bottles. "Do you want a shitty vodka or some shitty whiskey?"

"Thanks. So," Bellamy starts, grabbing the whiskey bottle from her hand and pouring himself a glass, "how's school?" He asks as he offers her an empty glass which she takes. Just like whenever they converse, Clarke wonders if he actually cares or is he only asking because he feels like he has to make conversation.

It feels like he's been less annoying and much nicer to her in the past few months since he started college. Some weekends when Bellamy came home he even voluntarily hung out with her and Octavia. He also didn't protest as much when he had to drive them around Arkadia and sometimes he even drove Clarke home alone although she didn't live far away from the Blake house, perhaps a five-minute drive at most. And then when he drove her alone they'd usually stay in his car even after he parked in front of her house, continuing their conversation for twenty more minutes or until one of them checked the time on their phones.

That part of the evening when it's just the two of them was Clarke's favorite. Though they never talked about anything too personal, those conversations where they disagreed about postmodern art or an indie movie they've both seen were the highlight of her week. Clarke couldn't lay down to sleep after that and not think back to the exchange they just had and the way he smiled at her as he waved her goodbye or walked her to her door. But Clarke couldn't let herself be too hung up on him for too long. After seeing him, he would frequent Clarke's thoughts for a few days before it would wear off. It wasn't always easy, sometimes she had to constantly remind herself she's being irrational and should stop with the nonsense. She needed time to get over him but she never got it. Just when she would think she's over him, Clarke only needed a small thing that would send her down spiraling again. Octavia would mention her brother during lunch or ask for Clarke's phone so she could text Bellamy because her battery died and it would still lead to Clarke, laying in her bed unable to sleep, thinking about him. Thinking about the last time he drove her home. Thinking about his number in her phone and her number in his. Thinking about how, if she wanted to, she could easily call or text him. But she never did. She always ended up having to remind herself that they weren't friends even though they weren't not friends either.

"Actually, high school's really great now that you and most of your minions left. Never knew classes could actually be fun when your face is not everywhere," Clarke responds half-jokingly, watching him fill up her glass.

The corners of his mouth curl. "Who would have guessed?"

"How's college?" She asks, maintaining eye contact while bringing the glass up to her lips. She tries her hardest not to grimace as hard liquor burns through her throat.

Bellamy thinks about it for a second as he runs his right hand through his already messy hair. "It kind of sucks but it's also great at the same time," he says honestly. "And you know," he adds, his tone becoming more lighthearted, "I didn't know how fun life could be when there's no Octavia's stuck up, annoying friends around."

Clarke wants to mock protest Bellamy stealing her joke, but suddenly Octavia comes out of nowhere, squeezes herself between them, interrupting Clarke before she could speak. Octavia gives her brother a death stare, taking a big breath before she goes off: "For two years you didn't allow me to step foot at your parties! And look where you are now: at my party! I thought you were supposed to be out with your friends." Octavia's voice is shaking and Clarke can see her friend's hands clenched into fists. "I just think you should go back to them because this, Bellamy, is not fair! Do you think it's fair? I thought we had a deal but I guess that means nothing when you're the one breaking it, huh?"

"You done?" Bellamy asks her, an amused look on his face.

Octavia frowns but she steadies herself so as not to burst again. "Why aren't you out with your friends?"

"I was. My ehm-," he stammers searching for the right word. "Girlfriend? I guess?" He looks to Clarke for reassurance as if she knows anything about what's he talking about. He certainly never mentioned a girlfriend to her. "She made a scene in the club, we got into a fight and I left."

Octavia glares at her brother for some time and he crosses his arms over his chest as if he's taking on a challenge. They stare at each other with stern expressions for a moment. It's obviously a competition and the person who breaks first- loses.

"Okay. Whatever. I guess you can stay a bit," Octavia finally gives up. "Just don't bore my friends to death with your stories." With that she straightens her dress and walks away, leaving Bellamy and Clarke alone again.

"I won't!" Bellamy calls after her before he turns back to Clarke and sighs. "I literally just came here to grab a drink because there's nothing upstairs. Why is she always making such a fuss about New Year's?"

"Don't tell Octavia I told you this but she's a bit preoccupied tonight," Clarke says pointing to his sister who's already found her way back next to Lincoln, laughing about something and using it as an excuse to playfully nudge his arm.

"Ah yes," Bellamy nods. "Well it's not like I expected empathy from my sister. I know how she despises Echo," he halfheartedly adds.

Clarke only nods in response, trying her hardest not to grimace. She knew Echo from school but had no idea Bellamy and she were together. The last thing Clarke heard about Bellamy's love life was that Gina broke up with him after graduation and then when fall began he moved to Polis to start college, still single. But Echo is a senior, only a year older than Clarke. That means she and Bellamy much have gotten together during fall when he came home for the weekend. How come Octavia never mentioned any of this? It seems like something that would be on top of her ‘list of things to complain about’.

As Clarke's mind races, Bellamy leans in closer to her. "Speaking of romance, Collins is staring at me like I killed his entire family. Could you tell your prince charming to chill the fuck out?" He's so close that Clarke can smell his cologne. It makes her head spin as she tries to focus back on his words. "It's not like I'm going to steal you away. I'm a taken man." Bellamy sips his drink before he grimaces and adds: "Kind of."

"What? Finn?" Clarke whips her head around to face Bellamy. "I just met him. He's not my boyfriend," she blurts out, her cheeks burning. His smirk tells her he doesn't buy it. "Not yet, at least," she adds, her voice almost a whisper. She's hiding her face behind her glass while pretending to take a long sip. Why did she tell him this?

"Oh?" Bellamy chuckles raising his eyebrows.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't care. I'm just bored," he says as he throws himself in the armchair next to the table with drinks. Clarke takes a step closer to him so she could ask him how does he know Finn and that's when Bellamy looks her up and down as if he's checking her out. "I think I can help you out," he tells her suddenly.

"Sit here." Bellamy taps the armrest and when she sits he pulls her even closer, so much that she's almost sitting in his lap. She's amazed at how none of the whiskey spills.

"What are we doing?" Clarke laughs, straightening her skirt on her lap.

"Making prince charming jealous. He's definitely staring at us so- don't look!" Bellamy gently guides her head back so she has to face him, his fingers barely brushing the skin on her cheek. "Look at me," he tells Clarke before they both realize he's still holding her face so he drops his hand. She must be blushing.

"Now we're toasting to a great new year filled with opportunities," Bellamy says as he raises his glass, waiting for Clarke to do the same. "Come on, princess," he whispers to her, causing her to get goosebumps all over her arms so Clarke has to remind herself that she still hates that nickname. There is no way Bellamy doesn't notice the effect that he has on her.

She chuckles as they click their glasses. "And why are we doing all this?"

"So he'll want you more. Don't you know anything about men?"

"I'm not even sure if I want him. I'm still considering if I'm actually ready for a relationship." Clarke bites the inside of her cheek, she shouldn't be this honest with him.

Bellamy seems genuinely surprised. "Clarke, you're young, free and single-" he starts off but she interrupts to tease him.

"Free _and_ single?"

"Yes. And look at yourself, you look-," he stops himself, shaking his head slightly, thinking of an appropriate word to use, "really great." Even though she found his word choice odd, Clarke could still feel her cheeks burn even hotter after he complimented her.

"You should be able to do whatever the hell you want. Enjoy the freedom you have," he tells her, a soft look on his face as his eyes carefully study hers. "And besides, you don't have to be in a relationship to have fun." Clarke feels weird being this close to him. They spent at least five hours alone in his car over the course of the last few weekends, but they never talked like this before.

"I hate that we're talking about this." Clarke laughs nervously. She's only half-joking; being this honest and vulnerable with her best friend's brother, about a subject like this just doesn't seem like a good idea. "I'm also just trying to picture you talking to Octavia like this: telling her to 'enjoy her freedom'." She puts the last part in air quotes.

"Oh never!" He laughs and they fall into a comfortable silence for a minute while Bellamy carefully refills their glasses.

"It's just-" he starts again, still looking at Clarke intently, "if you like someone you should just kiss them at midnight and then see where it goes. You don't have to think about it so much." Somehow it doesn't seem like this is directed at her even though she's the only one he could possibly be talking to right now.

"Not thinking is not really my style," she confesses, her gaze dropping down to her hands, folded on her lap, tightly holding onto her glass like it might spill or fall over.

"Maybe it should be."

She looks back at him. His warm brown eyes are still on her, his expression somehow both serious and soft. She feels the need to make a joke to break the weird tension. "By the way, what's with you and midnight kisses?" Clarke smiles before she adds: "And trying to set me up every year?"

Bellamy shrugs. "I don't want bad luck next year or whatever that whole superstition is about." He takes a long sip ignoring the second question.

She rolls her eyes. "Of course."

"Honestly kissing is fun, Clarke," he says as he sleepily lays back in his chair, his eyelids almost closing.

"You're really drunk, aren't you?" Clarke playfully nudges his arm. "That's why you've been so nice to me, huh?"

At first Bellamy doesn't respond. He opens his eyes and studies Clarke for a moment as if he's waking up from a dream and not sure what he's seeing. In a breath the softness from his face disappears completely. "You know, I should probably go upstairs before I do something stupid," he tells her. "I don't wanna bother you anymore."

"You're not-" she opens her mouth to protest but he's already on his feet. Just when she thought they were actually becoming friends and sharing stuff with each other, she had to make that stupid attempt at a joke and ruin everything.

Bellamy almost leaves but right before he does, he turns to Clarke, a strange expression on his face. "Look, I honestly don't know why I'm trying to set you up with this guy," he admits and then continues, "but if prince charming doesn't wanna kiss you at midnight I will."

He clinks his glass against hers once more, giving her a small smile before he turns on his heels and heads towards the stairs. Clarke watches him walk upstairs, drowning what was left in her glass, her face beet red. She doesn't have the time to dwell on Bellamy's words as wine-drunk Harper approaches her the moment he disappears from Clarke's view without closing the basement doors behind him.

"What was all that about?" Harper requests with a wide smile as she takes a seat where Bellamy sat less than a minute before.

Clarke lets herself slide fully onto Harper's lap now. She beams at one of her best friends. "What do you mean?" Clarke asks dumbly as she starts playing with a strand of Harper's straight long hair.

"You and Bellamy?" The girl replies, pointing out the obvious. "Is there anything you wanna tell me?"

"I don't think so," Clarke says and Harper watches her with an eyebrow raised, waiting for a further explanation. "I don't know what you want me to say!"

"Oh, I think you know."

"I don't." Harper is still staring at her. "Honestly!" Clarke lies and both girls burst out laughing.

Clarke still doesn't give a real explanation and after a while Harper gives up. "Well lets just hope Octavia didn't see anything." She winks at Clarke." She's not as easy to fool."

Thankfully their friend was too busy with Lincoln to notice anything and for the rest of the night Octavia clings by Lincoln's side, a grin never leaving her face. Clarke, on the other hand, spends the rest of the night dancing with Harper and the other girls, listening to Maya talk about Jasper and basically doing anything to stay away from Finn Collins. Something Bellamy said sticks with her, but her drunk mind makes it impossible to pinpoint the thing that confuses her the most. Is it what he said about Finn and enjoying her freedom? Is Finn the person she wants to be with? Can she just have fun with him without it turning into a relationship? Is that's what's bothering her? Or is it what he said just before he left, barely audible over the loud music? And did he mean it?

Clarke's so lost in thought, her dancing relying purely on autopilot when she suddenly snaps back to reality the second Finn grabs her hand and pulls her away from her friends. A slower song starts just as they face each other in the corner of the basement she's becoming quite familiar with this night. Finn doesn't let go of her hand.

Clarke greets him with a smile as if she wasn't avoiding him the last hour. "What's up?"

"You said you'll get back to me and then you never did. Got too busy talking with Blake and dancing?" Finn asks, jealousy dripping from every word to come out of his mouth. Then he just laughs as if it was a joke. "I just wanted you for myself for a bit."

Clarke immediately feels relieved. "I'm yours now."

He gently puts one hand on her cheek. "You're so gorgeous, Clarke."

Clarke beams at that. "Thank you." Then she quickly adds: "You're not too bad yourself."

"Thank you." Finn drops his hand from her face and takes her hands with both of his, looking her in the eye. "So princess, do you want to dance?"

Clarke gets taken aback from that nickname. Where did Finn hear that? When did he hear it? He could see her talk with Bellamy but he was definitely too far to hear their conversation. She's almost spiraling when she remembers the joke Finn made before they were separated, about people getting married in Disney cartoons. He's not a psychopath with an extremely good hearing after all. She can relax.

They're swaying slowly, his hands on her waist. They stay in the far corner, away from all of their friends. Such long silence starts to feel uncomfortable so Clarke begins telling him about Jasper and Maya finally getting together.

Finn interrupts her when she's in the middle of explaining Jasper's freak-out. "I don't know who those people are," he tells her coldly.

"But you've met Jasper tonight. I'm sure." She could have sworn she saw them talk earlier this night while she was standing with Bellamy.

"I don't know Clarke. I don't really care about them." He shrugs. When he notices the expression on her face, he tries to defend himself: "I'm just being honest."

"No, you're being rude. It's not the same thing," she points out. "Those are my friends and I care about them." Finn looks annoyed so Clarke drops the subject. Maybe she's being overly sensitive, Finn doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that would be rude on purpose. He seems like the kind of guy that would get along even with the people he hates.

"Right now all I care about is you," Finn whispers into Clarke’s ear as he pulls her closer. She could so easily fall for him if she wanted to. They sway like that for a couple more minutes until he pulls away slowly.

"Clarke, I-" he starts off but the music being turned off catches him off guard. They both turn to the other side of the room where Octavia is standing on the couch.

"Five minutes to midnight!" Octavia announces and the crowd in the basement cheers before they all scatter to find their jackets and coats. Clarke spends too much time looking for hers so she's one of the last people to leave the basement. As she tiptoes around Blake's house, in search of any jacket to throw on, she notices Bellamy sound asleep on the couch in the living room. There’s an open book on the floor and his acoustic guitar sits beside him. He looks so peaceful and so soft as she's tempted to run her hands through his hair or lightly touch his flushed cheek. She's unsure if she should wake him up. How would he react? What would he think about her waking him? Would he assume she followed up on his offer? Or was he too drunk when he said it to remember? He didn't seem that drunk but who knows?

She finally decides against waking him up as she finds Octavia's old leather jacket and slips outside onto the cold. She finds her best friends in the crowd: Octavia by Lincoln's side, Harper holding Monty's hand, being an endearing couple like they've been for slightly less than a year, and Jasper and Maya standing nervously by each other sides, their hands barely brushing. As the countdown starts the realization that she's one of the few people who are not paired up overwhelms Clarke. She wonders what Finn wanted to say to her before Octavia interrupted him until Clarke doesn't have to wonder anymore because he's right in front of her.

"I found you," Finn says to her, almost breathless.

"FOUR!"

They smile at each other. Finn's staring at Clarke so intently when he stretches his hand towards her. She's hesitant to take it.

"THREE!"

Clarke thinks back to her conversation with Bellamy. Is she sure this what she wants? And what if it doesn't work out?

"TWO!"

Screw all that, she thinks.

"ONE!"

It's time she has some fun on her own.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Clarke raises her eyebrows to Finn who immediately goes in for a kiss. It's brief. Pleasant. His lips are warm and soft. Fireworks go up in the sky and they break apart.

From the corner of her eye, Clarke catches her best friend grinning from ear to ear as she and Lincoln break away from their kiss but it doesn't take long before Lincoln pulls her in again.

Clarke turns to Monty and Harper, wanting to comment on Octavia but her eye catches Bellamy's who's standing behind them by the door. He looks straight at Clarke for what feels like forever, her stomach sinking with each passing second, before he notices the ringing phone in his hands. She knows it's Echo calling from the look on his face when he picks it up. Clarke reminds herself she shouldn't be feeling like this. Without thinking she turns back to Finn and throws her arms around him.

She's young. She's single. Why not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to start posting twice a week since I have almost nothing else to do now that my whole country is basically in quarantine. Expect another chapter on Wednesday!
> 
> Hope you liked it!
> 
> For any comments or constructional criticism you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com)) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! :)


	4. Chapter 4

The night is still young. Clarke is standing in the kitchen of Bellamy's Polis apartment. It was Octavia's idea for them to celebrate New Year's here, instead of Octavia's stuffy basement. It's not that Clarke is complaining about this arrangement; it's way better than spending New Year's Eve as a fifth wheel to Monty, Harper, Jasper and Maya who, this year, opted for a quiet yet fancy dinner at Harper's house.

"And it will allow us to see more of Polis before we move there next year for college!" Octavia told Clarke a few days before, her tone overly excited as she named more reasons for them to go to Polis. They were hanging out in Octavia's living room, binge-watching the entirety of Brooklyn Nine-Nine for the third time.

"I don't know why you feel like you still need to convince me. I was in from the start." Any party in Polis sounded better to Clarke than eating pasta, drinking a glass of wine and going to bed before 1 am on New Year's Eve. She was a senior in high school not a senior citizen, after all.

"Just making sure." Octavia scooted closer to Clarke, putting her head on Clarke's shoulder. Then she looked up at her with her piercing green eyes. "You do know Bellamy will be there, right?"

Clarke hasn't spoken much to Bellamy since last New Year's Eve. She wasn't technically avoiding him but it sure felt like he might have been avoiding her. Or maybe Clarke was just paranoid. After all, nothing happened between them last year. He was drunk and consequently nice to her. They had a pleasant, slightly flirty conversation and that was it. And it's not like they were actual friends ever before, they were on the road to becoming friends but they never quite made it.

Now, those few times they actually spoke since last year, their small talks and playful mocking has turned into stubborn arguing. They were getting into fights any chance they got; on Octavia's birthday, in the car, as he drove Octavia and her around Arkadia, on the way back from the parties, everywhere. It always started the same; one of them would make a sarcastic comment and the other would blow it out of proportion acting like it was the biggest insult to their existence.

The only worst thing than these fights was when they weren't saying absolutely anything to each other. Bellamy once entered the living room where Octavia and Clarke were sprawled on the couch, watching a movie and instead of saying anything to them he just groaned and left the room. And there were countless other instances where Clarke felt like maybe he had been avoiding her, even Octavia pointed it out a few times when it was too obvious. The time Bellamy took it too far was a week ago when he heard about Clarke joining the Blakes for Christmas dinner and then made some last-minute excuse about not being able to make it home for the holiday.

Of course Clarke knew she would have to face Bellamy some time but New Year's felt too soon for that. She wondered if he'll still avoid her even when there's nowhere else to go. She thought maybe she should confront him, but she scrapped that idea the moment she thought of it. There was nothing she could say that would make sense, she would only end up looking paranoid and pathetic that she even had these conspiracy theories about the two of them not talking. They were never friends. He never liked her. There's nothing else to say.

"I don't hate your brother, O," Clarke insisted, playing with Octavia's long black hair, pretending to listen to Holt and Terry talk on TV. "I barely know him."

The black-haired girl sat up again, closely facing Clarke. "You two should get over it," she said as if she decided for them. As if it was that easy. "You're two are the most important people in my life so I vote you bury the hatchet once and for all."

"What about Lincoln?" Clarke tried to deflect, poking her best friend in the stomach playfully. "Isn't he also one of the most important people in your life?"

"Shut up," Octavia got flustered for a second as she liked pretending she didn't care that much even though they've been dating since last New Year's. "I guess he's the third most important person in my life now."

When Octavia came to Clarke with the idea of celebrating New Year's in Polis this year instead of her basement Clarke knew the main reason her friend was suggesting it, though she was too proud to admit it, was because she wanted to see Lincoln. Clarke couldn't blame her, long-distance relationships aren’t easy. Not that Clarke knew anything about them, she had broken up with Finn way before he left for college.

"Just be civil with my brother," Octavia said, bringing back the subject Clarke so sneakily tried to avoid, "that's literally all I'm asking. Make small talk, don't kill each other, that kind of thing."

"I am civil," Clarke defended herself but Octavia didn't buy it. "He's just annoying. Plus, he hates me. I don't know why."

"You are both very annoying," her friend told her, half-jokingly.

Clarke was silent for a moment, debating whether or not she should ask Octavia the question that's been running through her mind. She didn't even realize she'd made the decision when the words left her mouth. "What did Bellamy tell you when you said you're bringing me?"

"He said he doesn't care." Clarke wasn't expecting anything else and yet it still hurt a bit. "I think the problem is that you two are always so weird around each other. Like, sometimes you act so bratty and stuck up around him, even I get annoyed. If he got to see the real you - he'd like you, I'm sure. And you'd like him too."

"Wow, thanks," Clarke said sarcastically and they both laughed. "You know what, even if he doesn't like me, I'm sure they'll be plenty of other people there," she told her best friend, her voice confident, "I probably won't even see Bellamy at the party." And she didn't.

It's after 10 pm on December 31st and Clarke still hasn't spotted Bellamy anywhere and she's sure Octavia made her circle his entire apartment three times at least in an attempt to mingle. It's not that Clarke was looking for him, she was just intrigued by a person not showing up to their own party. When the girls arrived, Bellamy's roommate Miller did tell them Bellamy might show up late because of his classes but it's been hours since then. Clarke didn't know much about college classes and exams (yet!) but she was pretty sure they don't last until 10 pm on a Friday.

Once Octavia dragged Clarke through the entire apartment for the fourth time, Clarke requested a time out and a drink. The kitchen seemed like a peaceful spot but once they were there, they realized it was anything but peaceful. Somehow it seemed like there were more people in this tiny white kitchen than the rest of the apartment.

When they enter the kitchen Miller welcomes them with some blue shots to get the party started. Then Clarke takes some more on her own until she's cheerful enough to socialize with these strangers. She quickly slips into a conversation with Murphy because the moment she turns to him he yells over the loud music: "I know you!"

"Yeah, we went to the same high school!" Clarke yells back to him and they clink their shot glasses before downing them.

"You're Octavia's friend, right?" Murphy asks and she nods. "Bellamy said you would come. So where's Octavia?"

Clarke points to her best friend who's standing two feet away from them, typing something on her phone, disinterested in people around them. "She's texting her boyfriend!"

"She's grown up so much!" Murphy tells Clarke. "I remember her from when she was in fourth grade! Bellamy would always run after the last bell in school so she wouldn't have to wait for him when it's time for them to walk back home together. And then I would have to run with him because they lived in the house next to mine and it was better than walking alone."

It was so random, Murphy telling her this story, but it certainly wasn't the first story Clarke had heard about Bellamy being a great older brother. She knows he used to take care of Octavia more than their mom ever did but Clarke sometimes found it difficult to comprehend that the Bellamy she knows is the same Bellamy from the stories. In the stories he's kind, compassionate and caring, but lately she rarely got to see that side of him in person.

Clarke's eyes drift back to Octavia who's still focused on her phone. "That's cute," she tells Murphy. He probably takes that as a sign to go on and on, telling Clarke more stories about Octavia and Bellamy when they were younger, most of the stories Clarke had already heard before.

He's telling her about the time Bellamy brought Octavia to one of his lacrosse practice when a girl named Raven joins them. From a quick exchange Clarke learns Raven is a second-year student studying mechanics at the same university Murphy, Miller and Bellamy attend. Raven rants about some exam she took a week ago but Clarke gets distracted admiring Raven's red bomber jacket and wondering if it's okay to ask where she bought her boots.

"You poor thing," Murphy tells Raven sarcastically as he pets her head, "getting only 96% when you know you deserved 98%. So sad." He pretends to wipe a tear from his cheek. "What do you think, Clarke, isn't it tragic?" Clarke laughs as she watches Raven playfully punch Murphy on the arm.

"So how long have you two-" Clarke starts to ask but Raven shakes her head fast.

"Absolutely not!" She screams. Then her face turns strict when she turns to Murphy and tells him firmly: "Never."

"Oh come on, Reyes?" He teases and Clarke chuckles uncomfortably. She turns to look at where Octavia stood only a couple minutes ago but her friend is no longer there.

"Never? Really?" Murphy grimaces and Raven shakes her head again. "Don't pretend like you haven't had dreams about me before," he tells her smugly.

Raven's mouth drops open. "Dreams don't count!" She explains to Clarke, her tone desperate before she turns back to Murphy. "It was once! And I told you that in confidence!"

"I have a girlfriend," Murphy notifies Clarke. "I know, I know, why are the good ones always taken, right?"

"Anyway," Raven starts, showing Murphy away to get closer to Clarke. "Do you have a boyfriend, Clarke?"

"Nope. No boyfriend, no girlfriend." She's aware that she's slurring her words a bit. Must have been all the shots she had. Her tolerance for alcohol has really lowered in the past few months. "Completely single."

Raven looks her up and down. "In that case, I think I know someone who might be good for you." She and Murphy whisper about something for a moment before she turns back to Clarke and the guy that was standing with them walks off without saying a word.

"I'm not sure if I want to be set up," Clarke confesses to Raven once the two of them are alone, looking down at an empty shot glass dancing around in her hands.

"It could be just for one night," Raven says in a sing-a-song tone.

"Oh, I've heard that before. Didn't end well," She tells Raven as she looks up to face her. Behind her she sees Murphy and a beautiful brown haired girl walking towards them. Clarke catches the girl's eye and suddenly she can't stop smiling. "But it might be time to try again," she whispers to Raven.

"Attagirl, Clarke," Raven laughs quietly before Murphy and the girl join them.

"This is our friend, Lexa," Murphy says as the girl offers her hand and Clarke takes it with a smile. "And, Lexa, this is our new friend Clarke."

"Hey, Murphy, I have to talk to you in private about something," Raven suddenly announces. She's not even trying to be subtle which makes Clarke blush.

As Raven is pulling Murphy away from them Clarke can hear him mutter something. "Is it about another dream?" He jokes which earns him another punch on the arm.

"So this is awkward," Lexa says, casually tossing her hair back. Clarke hates that she pointed that out, making things even more awkward but she powers through it, trying to learn as much about this girl as possible.

Lexa fascinates Clarke. The way she speaks is both hot and somehow unbelievably intimidating. It drives Clarke crazy that she can't figure out her mysterious smile that appears and disappears every now and then and a little laugh that follows after everything she says. She feels like she could have a real connection with Lexa, if only she wasn't constantly bringing up a girl named Costia who, Clarke figures, is her ex. Lexa keeps sending her mixed signals until, after twenty minutes of small talk, she grabs Clarke's hand before she excuses herself and leaves.

Clarke lingers in the kitchen only to take another shot before she sets off to find Raven or Octavia or anyone else she could talk to. She sees the brown-haired girl at the other side of the room, in the middle of a game of beer pong so she elbows her way through the crowd of people, some of whom she recognizes from Arkadia but doesn't say anything. When she's near enough she catches the girl's attention with a wave.

"Thanks for trying!" Clarke yells over the sound of loud music, making sure she doesn't seem too disappointed. Sure, she’s kinda bummed this thing with Lexa didn’t work out but she doesn't want people to think she's that desperate now to hook up with just anybody who pays attention to her for longer than a minute. She still has standards.

"That sucks," Raven responds before she turns back to the table. She seems to be playing against Murphy and a girl Clarke doesn't recognize. "By the way," Raven says, her eyes fixated on the cups in front of her which such intensity that makes her look like she's doing some kind of calculations in her head, "this is Riley," Raven adds, nodding her head back to the blond guy standing behind her, probably her beer pong partner. Then she scores causing everybody around the table to cheer.

"Chug, asshole!" Raven screams at Murphy who sticks his tongue out and then chugs the beer. The girl playing with him gives him a kiss on the cheek as a consolation and he wraps his arms around her waist. "And the beautiful girl next to Murphy is Emori," Raven tells Clarke when Emori waves at her so Clarke waves back with a smile. "She's way out of his league, as you can see."

"Nice to meet you." The blond guy, Riley, offers his hand to Clarke. "And your name is?"

"Clarke." She tells him, briefly shaking his clammy hand. "Nice to meet you too."

"So what is a nice girl like you doing with Raven?" He asks loud enough for Raven to hear and smack his arm. She doesn't seem as amused as she is when she's joking around with Murphy.

"Oh I'm not that nice either." It's a stupid attempt at a joke but it does carry some truth. Clarke hated that people always assume she's such a goody-two-shoes, teacher's pet, little miss perfect. She can party. She's been drunk before. She can have fun. She can totally act out. She's not some bratty princess, thinking she's better than everybody else. The thought of being called princess in that condescending way Bellamy does makes Clarke glad he isn't at the party after all. She couldn't bear to argue with him tonight.

"Really?" Riley gives her a suggestive look as he excuses himself from the game and is met with boos from both sides. Raven boos briefly but looks like she'll recover.

"Well now I'm intrigued," he tells Clarke as he leads her to the couch. It's not like she has anything better to do so she sits with him. "Tell me more about yourself."

Perhaps it's the alcohol in her system causing her to babble on about Arkadia, her plans for college and whatever else occurs to her. During her entire speech Riley acts as if everything she's saying is pure gold but he has no real response to any question she asks. "What do you study?" She asks him finally.

"Oh you wouldn't care." He chuckles as if it's too much trouble for him to explain. Clarke gets a little taken aback by that.

"Okay," she says slowly, bringing a cup of beer she stole from Raven up to her lips.

"How about we get out of here?" Riley suggests, leaning close enough for her to smell alcohol on him.

"How about we not?" Clarke asks sarcastically, sounding perhaps a bit too harsh. "Sorry, it's just that I barely know you."

"Come on, live a little." He keeps leaning closer but she pushes him away. "I thought you said you know how to have fun," he spits.

"I'm not interested," Clarke retorts as she manages to get up. Her head is spinning and she doesn't know where to go. He doesn't follow her so she does the first thing that comes to her mind when she notices an open window: she squeezes through the crowd to grab her coat and her scarf from the hanger and then hops out the window onto the fire escape.

It's colder than she thought it would be. Splashes of cold wind cool down Clarke's flushed cheeks and she can breathe properly again. The view of the city is beautiful and it makes her think back to all the times she daydreamed about spending time on the roof of a tall building in a big city, looking at the view from above, painting or just chilling. But, living in a house in a small town for most of her life, that wasn't possible.

Without thinking much, she climbs the fire escape stairs until she finds herself standing on the roof. It's magical. She watches the remaining Christmas decorations shimmer around the city, wrapping her long white scarf tighter around her, drowning out the muffled music coming from the apartment downstairs.

There's a noise behind her. As Clarke turns, she realizes she's not alone on the roof and the person standing in front of her is absolutely the last person she wants to see right now.

-

"Fucking shit," Clarke mutters to herself. She must have been louder than she thought because it's obvious he heard her.

He turns around, no longer leaning against the railing and her heart skips a beat. Besides his messy hair, he looks very well put-together. He's wearing an elegant black coat, black pants, and a button-down, peering slightly from under the collar of his coat. Somehow he doesn't look like he's cold even though he's not wearing a scarf or gloves and it's definitely freezing outside.

"Hello to you too," Bellamy greets her sarcastically.

"The party you're hosting is downstairs," she says, pointing to his apartment, her voice cold. She doesn't know where this need to be hostile towards him came from, but it's not like he's greeting her with open arms after a year of barely talking to her.

He crosses his arms against his chest. "No shit, princess."

"So what are you doing here?"

He swings his leg and kicks a pebble as he hesitates to answer. "Hiding."

"Why?"

"Why do you care?"

"Why are you a jerk to me?" Clarke asks, her tone more serious now. She wouldn't have started this if she wasn't already drunk, though even sober she felt like this conversation is inevitable. But she worries that perhaps she's too drunk, she might not be able to control herself like she usually does when their usual routine starts. And now it's only a matter of time before one of them starts yelling. Who will it be this time?

Bellamy stares at her for a while and she crosses her arms on her chest, mirroring him. Instead of coming up with a retort he finally just shrugs. "I've always been a jerk." This is new.

"Couldn't argue against that," she says, pretending to look around the roof so she could escape his eyes.

"Well if you must know: I'm hiding from my ex-girlfriend," Bellamy tells her after a minute, "Echo." His voice is flat, with no emotion as he says her name. "I believe you know who she is."

"I do, Clarke admits as she thinks back to all the familiar people she bumped into while making rounds with Octavia. "I didn't see her at the party though."

"Oh believe me she's there. My roommate invited her without telling me so for the past," he looks at the old watch on his hand, "wow, thirty-three minutes, I've been chilling here."

"'Chilling' is right," she mutters, wrapping her scarf closer to her face.

Bellamy hears her remark and chuckles. "The wind's not that bad here," he says as he motions her to come closer to where he's standing, next to the railing in front of an odd brick wall with no doors. She walks towards him but settles on a distance of three feet between them. They both lean against the railing looking out at the city in front of them.

Although silence doesn't feel uncomfortable she somehow hates standing next to him, unable to talk to him once again. How is it possible neither of them found a reason to start screaming at the other yet?

As she glances at him, she wonders why has he been hiding from Echo for so long and how much longer does he plan to stay here on the roof. "I know we don't get along great but if we're going to be hiding together maybe we should call a truce," Clarke suggests after some time.

Bellamy thinks about it for a second before he finally smiles and offers his hand. "Truce," he repeats and they shake on it. Maybe for too long, Clarke can't tell. He's locked his eyes on hers until she turns back to the view of the city. He does the same and they're again standing next to each, looking straight ahead. The railing is frozen, but at least there's no wind here so it feels much warmer.

"I told you my sad story. Now it's your turn. Who are you hiding from?"

"You didn't tell me the entire story though," she points out playfully. When and how did they break up? Did they fight? How long has it been? How come Octavia never mentioned it? She probably shouldn't ask any of these questions but she wants so badly to know the answers. And then there’s also a part of her that’s, for whatever reason, terrified of hearing the whole story.

"Nah, it's your turn," he says simply. "Why are you hiding out on the roof?"

"If we hadn't just called truce I would have told you it's none of your business," she answers, not taking her eyes off the horizon. "But we did so I'll be completely honest, unlike you." She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. "I'm hiding from your friend Riley. And also from Raven who might try to set me up again."

"Raven set you up with Riley? Has she gone crazy?"

"No, she tried to set me up with," Clarke struggles to find the right word, "someone else." Bellamy doesn't have to know every little detail. "Right after that Riley happened."

"What did he do?" He asks but instead of answering Clarke just shoots him a look that she knows will shut him up. And, sure enough, he knows not to ask any more questions. "He's not my friend anyway," Bellamy tells her and she chuckles. "Seriously, the kid's a dumbass."

She shrugs. "I also wanted some fresh air."

"Speaking of fresh air," Bellamy takes out a box of cigarettes and devious grin forms on his face, "want one?" He asks. Clarke can tell from his tone that he's mostly joking, not expecting her to accept the offer. That is exactly why she says yes.

His mouth falls slightly open in surprise but he hands her the box and she takes one out. He helps her light her cigarette and then she watches him light his in silence. His face is illuminated by the red light of his cigarette and the faint street light. There are not many people who could look good in this lighting but Bellamy is definitely one of them and Clarke can't help herself but stare. She takes a drag of her cigarette and starts coughing as soon as the smoke hits her lungs. That makes Bellamy burst out laughing.

"Wow," Bellamy starts, "you're turning into a real badass tonight, Clarke," he teases. "Drinking, smoking... what's next?"

"Well I'm not having sex tonight, that's for sure," she spits out, immediately regretting it.

Bellamy looks vaguely uncomfortable but he covers it with a small cough. "That's, ehm, good," he says stiffly. "I don't even wanna know what some people might be doing in my apartment right now. Or where exactly they might be doing it."

"Yikes," she grimaces. "Did you at least lock your room?"

"I told Miller to do it," he tells her and she nods in understanding. "Believe it or not there's only a certain number of times you can catch people doing it in your room until you learn to lock the doors when you're hosting a party."

"Oh, wow." She chuckles, covering her mouth with her hand. "So you had to learn from your mistakes?"

"Unfortunately," he tells her and for some reason that makes Clarke laugh harder.

"Don't laugh at me!" He insists, the corners of his mouth curling as he tries to seem serious. "It was terrible and I only wish for you to never have to witness anything like that." She nods when she finally manages to calm down and they fall into a comfortable silence, both enjoying their cigarettes until Bellamy starts digging through his pockets which draws her attention. Clarke shoots him a questioning look.

"I seem to have some chocolate here. No idea where they came from. Want one?" He asks, offering her a hand full of little chocolates.

"That's kinda creepy," Clarke jokes, accepting the offer and eating one of the chocolates. "You just happen to have chocolate in your jacket?"

He shrugs. "I think it's from the kid I babysat on Christmas, but I'm not sure. She must have put it in my pockets when I wasn't looking." So he wasn't lying about not being able to make it home on Christmas. Okay, maybe her conspiracy theories about him avoiding her aren't entirely true. It's a good thing she opted for a truce instead of confronting him.

Clarke watches Bellamy as he peels off the wrapping and pops the chocolate in his mouth. He starts telling her how his elderly neighbor asked him for a favor because she had to work on Christmas and there was no one to look after her grandkid, and how he couldn't say "no". Both of the girl's parents had died recently, it was a real tragedy but the way Bellamy tells the story, he doesn't focus on the gritty details. Instead he tells Clarke how intelligent and mature Charlotte, the girl he babysat, is and the books they talked about and read together that night. Clarke listens to him intently, nodding along, amazed by the story but at the same time unable to keep herself from staring down at his lips from time to time as he talks, before she's suddenly struck with a hiccup attack.

Bellamy chuckles lightly, stopping his story. "How much exactly did you have to drink tonight?"

"A lot," she admits with a frown on her face. Her hiccups continue, causing him to laugh some more. She doesn't seem as amused by this as he is.

"Come on, it's adorable!" He tells her.

Her heart skips a beat. She's trying really hard not to blush over the fact that Bellamy Blake just called her adorable. "So now you can be nice to me when you think I probably won't remember our conversation tomorrow?" She jokes with a smile on her face, knowing very well she's not that drunk to forget this.

He scratches the back of his head, a slightly confused look on his face.

"I'm sorry," she says quickly, realizing what she had done and not wanting to repeat her past mistakes. "I didn't mean to-"

"No," he tells her, "it's okay." His expression is softer. "It's true. I haven't been very polite to you lately."

"I wasn't nice to you either," she protests.

"But I'm the one who started it when we met," he insists. "Of course you're not going to play nice if I roast you every time I see you." There's a hint of playful sarcasm in his tone.

Clarke's trying her hardest not to laugh. "Your roasts weren't even that good," she tells him slowly. "Seriously, Bellamy, get your head out of your ass."

"I was nice to you at least once," he says with a light chuckle.

"Maybe," she says, her tone mischievous. It's meant to come off as a joke but his face falls slightly and she's stuck wondering how much exactly does he remember from the last New Year's Eve.

Clarke feels as if they're closer to each other somehow when Bellamy starts talking again. "How's your senior year?" He asks her.

"It's good."

"Any idea what you wanna study next year?"

"Still thinking about it," she tells him before she expands on her response. "My mom really wants me to go into medicine like her, but I honestly don't know if that's for me." This has been driving her insane for months now but she couldn't properly talk to her friends about it without them immediately using it as an opportunity to talk about their ow college dilemmas. She didn't have anyone to whom she can properly vent about this, without being interrupted. But Bellamy is sitting next to her, just listening, nodding along as she tells him more. It's nice to be heard. "She's putting too much pressure on me lately, and I just wish my dad was still alive to take my side and help me through this mess."

"Oh, that's a tough one," Bellamy agrees. "But you know; none of that matters. Your mom can have her opinion but what matters the most is what you want to study." His eyes lock with hers. She takes a big breath. "So what is Clarke Griffin's dream major?"

"Art." Clarke spits out immediately. "I want to draw. And paint. And create things with my hands. I want to be an artist and inspire people, bring some joy into this dark, cold world." She's probably gesticulating way too much as she talks but makes no effort to stop. "I want to spend my life doing something that matters to me, that I actually like. My mum wants me to go to med school and work hellish shifts at the hospital. Yes, it means helping a lot of people but I still don't want that kind of life."

He's still just carefully watching her when she's done talking and it makes her wonder if she bored him to death by talking so much. Just when she thinks maybe he's just pretending to be a good listener, he opens her mouth and shuts her up.

"You know, I've seen your paintings and drawings around the school and I think you're really talented, Clarke. The pieces I saw were all beautiful and they didn't look like someone just copied a really cool picture, they make people actually feel something," Bellamy tells her, absentmindedly tapping his fingers on the railing next to them as he speaks. "But I especially love the piece you did for Octavia's birthday last year."

It was a drawing of Octavia and Bellamy from when they were kids. Octavia had kept a picture just like that one in her wallet and when she lost that wallet, she was mostly devastated because the picture was gone. Clarke somehow managed to recreate the photo almost entirely from memory. It wasn't her best work, but it was really fun drawing the two of them as kids and she knew it meant a lot to Octavia. Clarke hadn't realized Bellamy even saw the drawing, he definitely never commented on it before. She wondered what he thought about how she drew him. His freckles certainly weren't easy to capture.

"And even if you weren't as talented as you obviously are-" Bellamy starts again, "you should really do what you love. If I had picked something I didn't love I'm pretty sure I would have dropped out by now."

“Thank you,” Clarke tells him. “For saying I’m talented and everything else.”

“Don’t let it go to your head, princess,” he smiles.

“Too late! You said it- no take backs!” She jokes and he laughs loudly.

Time goes by unnoticed. Bellamy tells Clarke about his crazy night, lectures running long, his friends dragging him to a dive bar, missing half of his own party. Clarke tells him about the crazy taxi driver that picked her and Octavia up from the bus station in Polis, about Octavia for weeks not shutting up about tonight and anything else that comes to her mind. Bellamy laughs at all of her antics, some of them not even funny. She laughs at all of his, hilarious.

It’s so easy talking to him, pretending like last year hadn’t happened. She really wishes it hadn’t. Maybe they could finally go back to the thing they had before last year, maybe he could drive her home again and she could laugh some more at his jokes and he could laugh at hers. Maybe she could try to kiss him this time instead of awkwardly high-fiving him before getting out of the car and then spending the rest of the night wishing she had more courage. Maybe she could try it all again but differently. Not fuck it up this time.

After all the stories exchanged, Clarke still wants so badly to ask him for more of his thoughts about the drawing she did a year ago, but then another question pops into her head: "What's your major? Octavia never talks about it."

"I guess O's too preoccupied with her own stuff and her boyfriend to talk about her big brother's adventures into the world of academia. I get it." The way he says it sounds more like he's actually trying to convince himself he's not hurt by Octavia not talking about him. "I'm studying world history."

"Really? That's so interesting!" She responds, not being able to hide her amazement. It suddenly makes sense to her, in a way she can't explain. "I would never have guessed."

He tilts his head, a curious smirk on his lips. "If you had to guess what I was studying, what would you say?"

"I don't know," Clarke shrugs. "Law? Security studies? Something boring?" They both laugh, and she watches him as he ducks his head slightly. She bites her lip. "So, is the second year harder than your first?"

"Not really. Nothing is harder than the first year," he says simply. "I finally have some free time to hang out and go back to my hobbies." He looks around, avoiding her eye like he's still trying to decide if he should continue. "I've actually written a song. I recorded it and produced it by myself. I guess if I hadn't picked history I would pick something to do with music but anything else would suck."

Clarke shakes her head. "I had no idea."

"Well how could you, we never talk." Bellamy meets her eye again, his lips slightly curved.

"Right," she says with a chuckle.

Silence.

He probably feels uncomfortable about what he said. "Do you wanna hear it?" He breaks the silence finally. "The song I wrote, I mean."

"Sure," Clarke tells him.

"Okay, cool," he says with a relieved smile. "We should probably go downstairs after you listen to it, though."

"Oh, shit." She lost track of time entirely while hanging out with Bellamy on the roof. "Yeah, we should probably go back soon."

"But you have to really hear it first," he says and Clarke's unsure what exactly he means until he explains further: "You have to sit down, close your eyes and shut out everything else."

"Sure." Clarke smiles as she takes a step after him. "Never knew you were such a nerd about music, Bellamy," she says as she playfully nudges his arm.

They sit next to each other on a small bench, both leaning against the cold brick wall behind them and looking straight ahead as if turning to face each other would be too intimate. Bellamy takes his phone out of one of his coat pockets and his earphones out of the other. Clarke watches him untangle the earphones and plug them into his phone. He scrolls down his playlist and stops when he finds it.

"You sure you wanna hear this?" Bellamy asks, turning towards her. Clarke just nods. He hands her his earphones and watches her intently as she places them in her ears.

"Close your eyes." She closes them and his song starts.

Apparently Clarke knew almost nothing about Bellamy. First, she couldn't guess his major and now she found out she got his music taste completely wrong as well. In her defence she didn't even know he could sing or write music, only that he plays the guitar, so the fact that she didn't know what to expect when he clicked play wasn't so shocking.

The song was so much different than anything she knew about Bellamy. It's acoustic and romantic, filled with melancholy and yet somehow still optimistic and nostalgic at the same time. Clarke couldn't explain it better. The song sounds like a cool summer breeze in her hair and late-night drives. It sounds like a song she would listen to, leaning back comfortably in a passenger seat of a car that's heading down the highway towards a city she's never been to before. Her feet are up on the dashboard and she watches landscapes pass by her, feeling excited about this new adventure awaiting her. In the scenario Clarke had created in her head she feels warm, safe, and as she looks to the person sitting in the driver's seat for a second she sees Bellamy's brown curls and a hint of a smile on his lips before she snaps back to reality and opens her eyes.

The song is over. Clarke's head rests on the wall but she's now completely facing Bellamy. His face is only a few inches away from her, his eyes focused on her, searching for any clue or reaction to his song. For more than a second she lets herself really look at him, noticing every freckle on his face and every curl on his head that looks out of place. If she only had a pen and a piece of paper to capture him at this moment. The thought of running her fingers through his hair to fix it gets Clarke feeling nervous all of a sudden. His brown eyes fall to her lips for a millisecond but she notices. Clarke gulps as she takes off the earphones.

"What do you think?" Bellamy asks slowly. Before she has time to answer she hears the crowd from downstairs apartment rejoice followed by loud, possibly drunken chanting.

"NINE!" Downstairs music is gone and their friends are all screaming, counting down to midnight together. Bellamy pays no attention to the noise, waiting for an answer.

Clarke can't find the words to explain how much she loved it. "I think it was amazing."

"EIGHT!"

"Really? You liked it?" He beams at her.

"SEVEN!"

"Yeah."

"SIX!"

"Most people think it's depressing when I play it to them"

"FIVE!"

"No way," she reassures him. "I loved it, Bellamy."

"FOUR!"

Bellamy's smile grows, his eyes still scanning hers.

"THREE!"

Clarke's heart skips a beat.

"TWO!"

She returns the smile.

"ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

His eyes fall back to her lips for a second, and then he's suddenly pulling her closer, his fingers on the back of her neck, slightly tangling her hair and his warm lips finally finding his way to hers. For a moment she's breathless and then she's kissing him back, feeling the taste of chocolate still present on his lips. She breathes in his scent and without thinking pulls him closer by the collar of his coat.

Clarke's not sure how long they're kissing until he pulls away, unrecognizable look on his face. She can hear cheers and congratulations being exchanged in the apartment downstairs. Music is back on, some popular song Clarke knew from the radio. Fireworks boom loudly everywhere around them but neither of them is looking at the show.

‘I like you so much’, Clarke thinks, but the only thing that comes out is: "you taste like chocolate."

Fireworks echo beside her, bright splashes of color illuminating Bellamy's face. First pink, then red followed by golden yellow light.

"Clarke, I shouldn't have done that," Bellamy tells her after a beat. He looks like he wants to say more but his ringing phone cuts him off. They both glance at the screen as Miller's face covers its entirety. Bellamy quickly swipes to accept the call. "I'm sorry, we'll talk later. Okay?" He says softly as he stands up and presses the phone to his ear. "Oh and happy New Year, Clarke." With that he walks past her and down the fire escape stairs, murmuring something on the phone.

Clarke can't process what is happening. Bellamy is already halfway down the stairs when she finally turns to him and heads in his direction. "Happy New Year," she calls after him unsure if he can hear her. At the bottom of the staircase Bellamy turns to Clarke, flashes her a smile and then she watches him jump back into his apartment through the window. When he's inside she hears more cheers from his friends and she's left standing at the top of the fire escape staircase, fireworks still going off all over the city and painting the sky behind her all the beautiful, bright colors.

Suddenly Clarke realizes she's freezing again. Every step down the stairs reminds Clarke how drunk she still is, as she's overcome with dizziness by the time she makes it down. She takes a deep breath before she hops on the window and into the crowded apartment.

Once she's back inside, it doesn't take long for Clarke to find Octavia and Lincoln and she hugs them both, wishing them a happy New Year. She spends some time talking to them before they disappear somewhere, Octavia shoving a key into her hands before she's lost in the crowd of people. Clarke sets off to get another drink, exchanging congratulations with a bunch of other people at the party, along the way, some of whom she doesn't even know.

In the hallway, Clarke bumps into Raven and Emori who make her sit with them as they drunkenly gossip about Murphy and the rest of their friends. Clarke doesn't know most of the people they mention but she somehow still manages to fit in and contribute to the conversation, sharing her opinions on the subject whenever she can.

While she's hanging out with the girls, every so often Clarke's eyes meet Bellamy's from across the crowded room and he keeps his gaze on her for some time before turning back to whoever he's having a conversation with. No matter how much he looks at her, he never attempts to walk over to continue the conversation the two of them shared on the roof, before he ran off. Clarke wonders if he avoided her for a year after one flirtatious conversation, how long will it be until he speaks to her again after the kiss they shared on the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> For any comments or constructional criticism you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com)) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! :)


	5. Chapter 5

Around 3 am the party slims down to a group of barely a dozen people and Clarke decides it's time for her to go sleep. She uses the key Octavia shoved into her hands to unlock and slip into Bellamy's room since, apparently, that's where the two girls will be sleeping.

She's been in this room when they first arrived and had to leave all their bags, but now that she was alone in Bellamy's room she feels different. For the first time she notices the acoustic guitar next to his nightstand and the entire wall of shelves filled with various books. She picks up the book closest to her that seems the most worn out - the Iliad. She flips through it, finding scribbled notes and highlighted sections on almost every page she turns to. She starts reading a highlighted passage about love when she suddenly realizes how personal it must be for him, and puts the book back quickly, as if her hands will burn if she holds it for a second more.

It takes Clarke a while to relax after she lays down on Bellamy’s bed, changed into a baggy shirt and yoga pants she packed instead of pajamas. She's tossing and turning for a while so much that she's not sure if she falls asleep or how long she sleeps before her phone goes off, her ringtone loud enough to wake up the entire building. She jumps up, grabbing her phone from the nightstand and looks at her bright screen: Finn.

As if, she thinks to herself as she lets it go to voicemail but two minutes later he calls again. She switches her phone to 'vibrate' and buries her head in a pillow, trying not to think of all the reasons why her ex could be calling her.

"Clarke, no offense but who the fuck is calling you at 4 am?" The voice almost makes her jump out of the bed, but instead she quickly turns on the lamp on the nightstand next to her.

"Are you insane?" Bellamy asks, shielding his eyes from the harsh light with the back of his hand. He's laying on the floor next to the foot of the bed, his hair messier than usual, looking like he's still somewhat drunk.

"Am _I_ insane? What are you doing here?" Clarke demands, her heart still pounding like crazy.

"Trying to sleep?" He offers sarcastically. "In my own room?"

"On the floor?"

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"O fell asleep on the couch in my living room," he explains, taking a deep breath, "with Lincoln."

"Oh," is all Clarke manages.

"Yep," Bellamy says, popping the p. "And of course I couldn't sleep in that room because I swore I will try to be less protective when it comes to her and Lincoln. And I can't sleep in the bathtub because that one time I did my back hurt for like a month. And Miller's room was obviously occupied so here I am," he tells her, his voice sounding more bored than pissed off. As if this is something that happens so often that he has a whole speech prepared and he's just reciting it.

"You don't have to sleep on the floor in your room, Bellamy."

He shrugs. "Well you were asleep and I didn't wanna freak you out by just laying next to you."

"So you decided to freak me out in a different way?" She half-jokes, raising her eyebrows.

"Exactly." He smiles but he still isn't making any attempts to get up from the floor. Maybe he feels awkward about sleeping with her but he doesn't show it.

"Bellamy? I'll go back to my side of the bed," she promises suddenly. "Don't sleep on the floor."

"If you insist." He pulls himself up and as he makes his way to his side of the bed Clarke notices he's only wearing pajama bottoms. She's so tired and still drunk she doesn't even realize she's staring and when she does she instantly blushes. Bellamy just smirks proudly in response. Her phone vibrates again, he glances at it but Clarke pretends not to notice.

When he's tucked in Clarke turns off the light. Darkness fills the room. She's so aware of his presence in the room but tries her best to relax. It feels so intimate to be just laying in the dark with him even though they're not even touching, she can't even make out the shape of his face in the dark.

"Hey, Clarke? Can I tell you a secret?" She hears Bellamy's voice after some time.

"Yeah."

A minute goes by before he speaks again. "I can't sleep and I think I might puke," he tells her slowly. If she wasn't already half asleep she would have laughed.

"Don't," she manages.

"Thanks, princess."

"Just close your eyes, lay still and breathe."

"But when I do that the whole room spins."

Clarke takes a deep breath. The more he talks the less tired she feels but her dizziness only gets worse. "Yeah I get that," she says shifting on her side of the bed. "I'm not feeling too well right now either."

"I think our best bet is drinking like a gallon of water and eating something greasy."

"I would volunteer to go grab something from the kitchen but I don't want to get up."

"Thank you for your sacrifice," he laughs and then after some time he adds: "Besides I don't think there's anything edible in my kitchen."

"So you usually just use photosynthesis?"

"Most of the time, yeah." He laughs again at her stupid joke. "There is a diner close by though."

Clarke's not sure what she's supposed to go with that information. "It's probably closed though as it's 4 am on January 1st."

"I don't think that place ever closes. We can go if you want to," Bellamy suggests casually. "It wouldn't be the worst idea to put something in our stomachs and get ahead of this hangover."

"I guess. But are you sure they're not closed?" She's not sure why she's even entertaining this idea.

"I'm positive," he insists. "Come on, they have the best fries."

She huffs. "Doubt it."

"Wanna bet?"

"We can't leave, everybody else is sleeping."

"Screw everybody else," he tells her. "Let's just go."

"It's cold outside," Clarke whines as she pulls the pillow over her face. She knows it's such an irrational idea. They would need to get up, get dressed and then walk to a dinner that might even be closed. She knows Bellamy's idea makes no sense and she should just go back to sleep but something about the tone of his voice is tempting her to say yes. "And it's so warm and comfortable here."

"Carpe diem, Clarke." The longer he insists the more she starts craving a burger. And some fries would be nice too. A shake.

"Fuck you, Bellamy," she mutters as she sits up.

"Are we doing it?" He asks, jumping to his feet almost immediately.

"Yeah." Somehow she can't wipe the stupid grin off her face from seeing him get so childishly excited over this.

Bellamy says lights hurt his eyes so they quickly throw some more clothes on in the darkness of his room. Clarke complains about not being able to find the sweater she packed in her suitcase and as a response Bellamy throws one of his hoodies at her face. She puts it on, trying hard not to breathe in his scent as she pulls it over her head. It smells like the perfume she noticed on him last New Year's. She debates whether it would be weird to buy herself the same perfume he's using just because it smells so fucking good.

They sneak out of Bellamy's room, tiptoeing around Octavia and Lincoln who are sound asleep on the couch just like Bellamy described, their limbs tangled around each other. In the stuffy hallway Bellamy laughs as Clarke struggles to put on her boots. She shoots him an angry look and he puts his hand over his mouth to muff the sound. When she's done he helps her put on her coat, and then they're out of the apartment.

The cold air pinches Clarke's face like hundred tiny little needles. The fog makes her eyes water as she looks to the empty roads and streets ahead of them. It's somehow sobering and calming at the same time.

She has no idea where they're going so she lets him lead her across the frozen street, through quiet parks and small charming alleys, talking the entire time about his studies and the city's architecture, history and art. Clarke lets herself be genuinely fascinated by every story Bellamy tells her, asking questions about anything that catches her attention along the way.

When they finally arrive the atmosphere in the diner is unlike anything people would expect at 4 am; there's classic rock music playing in the background and almost all the tables are filled with extremely cheerful people who Clarke finds a tad too rowdy for her taste.

"Maybe next year we should come here for New Year's," Bellamy comments on the crowd as they make their way towards the only empty booth in the entire restaurant. Clarke smiles, reminding herself he's only trying to be funny and not actually make plans with her for the distant future.

"So," Bellamy starts off after they sat down and looked through the menus in silence for a couple of minutes already. The tip of his nose is still adorably red from the cold. "You want a beer?" He asks jokingly.

Clarke laughs and before she gets a chance to actually respond, the waitress stumbles her way towards their table to take their order. Much like all the patrons in the diner, she too seems to be at least slightly drunk as she shamelessly attempts to flirt with Bellamy.

Bellamy, on the other hand, doesn't flirt back. He answers all the questions the blonde girl makes about their night so far before he politely gives her their order. Clarke can't figure out if the waitress is surprised by him not responding to her signals, or just disappointed. Either way, she doesn't stop giving him compliments even as she assures them their food will be ready in no time. And then after she delivers the food to their table, in record time, she again winks at Bellamy and says something along the lines of taking care of her favorite regular customer. Bellamy simply thanks her and she finally takes it as a sign to get out of their hair.

Clarke's too focused on the wonderful greasy food that's in front of her when Bellamy breaks the silence.

"I gotta ask, princess; who's calling you at 4 am?" He asks as if he was waiting for the pretty blonde waitress to leave just so she could ask this question. Instead of responding, Clarke stuffs her mouth with fries.

"Come on," Bellamy insists, leaning across towards her from across the table. "It has to be somebody important."

"It's not."

"If you answer my question I'll tell you whatever you want to know," he tells Clarke and she finally looks up at him. "You can ask me anything."

It's an interesting offer but Clarke has her doubts. "How will I know if you're telling the truth?"

"Clarke, I promise I'll never lie to you. It's no fun." He's beaming as she studies his face, trying to assess if she could trust him. She raises her eyebrow and he tilts his head to the side and gives her another smile. How is she supposed to say no to that face?

"Okay then," she decides, hating herself slightly for being so weak. "It was my ex-boyfriend. Finn."

"Collins?" Bellamy groans. "I don't like that guy-"

"You actually told me to kiss him last year," Clarke points out.

He shakes his head. “Not possible.”

"You literally had like an entire speech about me enjoying my single life," she tries to remind him.

"What?" He seems genuinely surprised, furrowing his eyebrows in surprise. “I don’t think I did, you must be remembering something wrong.”

"You did. We were in the basement talking, you told me I'm young, free and single and I should go for it." Clarke avoids mentioning how during that conversation he also offered to be her midnight kiss if things with Finn don't work out.

"Free _and_ single?" Bellamy asks doubtfully, leaning back in his seat.

"That's what I said to you!"

"I'm sorry, I honestly barely remember that night," he says, rubbing the back of his head before he leans back closer to Clarke again. "So what does Collins want? You broke his heart, didn't you, princess? And now he's calling to ask for a second chance?"

She shakes her head. "No. He cheated on me," she announces as Bellamy's eyes widen in shock. "I haven't heard from him in a while so I'm actually not sure why he's even calling."

"Ouch," Bellamy grimaces. "Sorry for bad advice I guess," he adds after a couple of minutes of eating in silence.

She shrugs.

“Just know I would never soberly advise you to get anywhere near him,” Bellamy reassures her, “and you should probably know better than to listen to a drunk person when they give you life advice.” Clarke chuckles that last part before turning her attention back to her food.

"I would say you gave me some pretty bad advice too the year before, but that would be lying; it was all me who fucked it up," Bellamy says, looking slightly awkward and desperate to change the subject.

"So what happened with Gina if my advice was so successful?" Clarke shouldn't have asked that. She worries if it's a tough topic for him. She remembers them dating that semester, seeing them around the school holding hands and grinning ear-to-ear. Whenever his lacrosse team would win, Gina would run to Bellamy and kiss him in front of the entire school. In return he would pick her up and spin her around, his arms wrapped around her waist. Even when Clarke was with Finn, the sight of Bellamy and Gina made her feel weirdly jealous. She kept trying to convince herself it was because she wanted what the two of them seemed to have and it was already clear that Finn will never be able to give her that.

"Don't worry princess, your advice was great," he assures her, probably sensing her nervousness. "I remember going to the basement, and since you told me to make a gesture to prove I really do like her, I attempted to play her favorite song on my guitar. It was terrible, I completely embarrassed myself, messed up the chords and everything but I think she appreciated it. And then around midnight I told her I really liked, just like you told me to say, and I finally kissed her." Clarke can't figure out if Bellamy's sad or just uncomfortable as he tells her the rest of the story. Everything was perfect between Gina and him until school ended. Apparently, she didn't want to start college in a long-distance relationship so she broke up with him. He blames himself for the breakup because he didn't insist they at least give it a shot.

For a moment after he finishes his story Clarke wonders how different things would have been tonight if he was somehow still with Gina. He wouldn't have ever dated Echo therefore he would be hiding from her on the roof and Clarke wouldn't have proposed truce so they definitely wouldn't be sitting right here talking. And Clarke really liked this talkative, slightly drunk version of Bellamy, even if he mostly talked about his ex-girlfriend, he seemed more sincere than ever before. Like maybe the person who she usually saw when she looked at him wasn't really the 'real' Bellamy but an act he put on, just like she did when she was around her mom or some people from her school. But now Clarke’s confident that the person sitting across the booth from her, looking more awake than ever at 4 in the morning, with his round glasses on and his hair a mess, the guy who scrunches his freckled nose every time he takes out a bite of his burger, is the real Bellamy.

"You can now ask me whatever you want," Bellamy says, making Clarke blush after she realizes she had spent at least a couple of minutes staring at him and wondering what would it be like to draw Bellamy's freckles again. "As you can see I might still be a bit drunk so I'll tell you pretty much anything," he tells her, the corners of his mouth curling.

Without thinking Clarke asks the first thing that comes to mind. "Why were you hiding from Echo tonight?"

"Wow. Right off the bat, huh?" He laughs for a brief moment before he furrows his eyebrows. "Honestly, I'm not sure. It's not like I haven't seen her since we broke up a year ago, we have all the same friends and go to all events together but tonight felt different somehow." Clarke watches him fidget with his milkshake straw as he continues. "I wasn't aware she was coming, and when I heard she was there all the stuff that lead to us breaking up just hit me all of a sudden. And I- I guess I was too much of a coward to face it all."

"You are not-"

He chuckles, stopping her. "It's okay. I was a coward, but I'm trying not to be."

Clarke tilts her head to the side. "Is that a New Year's resolution?"

Bellamy laughs again and she realizes how much she likes his laugh; so honest and heartwarming. It's addictive. She wishes she could just keep making him laugh like this. "You could say so," he tells her. "What's yours?"

"Less junk good," she answers as she grabs another fry off of her plate and he ducks his head, smiling at her joke.

"You can ask me another question if you want."

"When you first met us," Clarke starts off and he immediately looks up at her, his eyes lit with surprise, "us meaning Octavia's friends," she explains, "who did you hate the most?"

"Hate?" Bellamy grimaces. "That's such a strong word, princess."

She rolls her eyes. "You know what I mean. Who annoyed you the most?"

"The most?" He thinks about it for a second, tapping his finger on his chin before he finally decides: "Jasper."

"Really?" Clarke asks, amazed. "It wasn't me?" She was certain it was going to be her. Maybe Bellamy was still lying even after he said he wouldn't.

He gives her a weird look. "Do you seriously think-" he starts but cuts himself off, shaking his head instead of answering, "no. Next question."

Clarke doesn't let herself wonder what Bellamy was just about to say. Instead, she sits up, places her elbows on the table and interlocks her fingers, all while trying to maintain a stern expression on her face. "What do you really think about Lincoln?"

"You have ketchup on your face," he replies, mimicking her serious tone.

"Don't try to change the subject."

"You really do!" He chuckles, holding his finger up and almost touching her cheek. She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it off but judging by Bellamy's expression, she only makes it worse.

"This is embarrassing," she mumbles, turning to her reflection in the window to locate the ketchup smudge on her face.

"No," Bellamy tells her, "it's adorable."

"How about you answer the question, Blake?" She asks once her face is ketchup-free again.

"You know, Clarke, I like talking to you like this."

She can feel her cheeks burning. "Stop derailing."

He sighs. "Lincoln's not a bad guy, I know that. And O's an adult already," Bellamy tells her, sounding almost like he's a five-year-old reciting a poem his parents made him memorize. "It's just weird to see her in such a serious relationship. I used to want to know everything that's going on in her life, but now I'm afraid to find out."

Clarke puts a hand across her mouth to hide her laugh.

"I think I actually liked it much better when Jasper was kissing Octavia. At least I know I can beat him up if it comes to that."

"Oh come on, Bell, that was one time," she tells him between laughs.

"I'm just saying it would be really hard to kick Lincoln's ass. Not impossible," he points out, grinning from ear to ear. "But very hard."

"I wouldn't bet against you for sure."

"I like that you have my back," he winks at her, "even though we both know I'd most definitely lose."

After a while their smiles turn into a comfortable silence. In her head, Clarke lists the things she could ask him next. She wants to ask him why did he kiss her. Why did he apologized to her on the roof- was it because of the kiss or because he had to leave? Why was he so weird to her the entire last year? Why was he being so talkative tonight and telling her all this? What changed except for 'the truce'? Before she could decide on a question, Bellamy suggests they go back home and finally get some sleep and she agrees.

As soon as they walk out of the diner and onto the frozen street, Clarke slips on a patch of ice but somehow Bellamy catches her before she hits the ground, grabbing her arm and helping her get up. Instead of letting go, he links their arms together and leads her back to his apartment, showing her all his favorite graffiti and murals along the way. Somehow their casual discussion about art turns into playful bickering and Clarke's cheeks hurt from smiling when they find themselves in Bellamy's apartment building, standing in front of his locked doors.

It's that moment when their playful conversation stops. It's silence and Clarke suddenly feels too aware of their arms, still linked. He must have just noticed it too because he drops her hand instantly.

Bellamy struggles to find the keys of his apartment but when he finally finds them in his coat pocket, he stops and for a second turns to face Clarke. He opens his mouth to say something but then closes it without a word. Clarke does the same.

When he finally unlocks the apartment, the two of them slip in and tiptoe to his room where they face each other again. Clarke's not sure if she actually sees Bellamy blush under the faint light of his bedside lamp before they turn their backs to each other so they could change.

It's almost 6 am when they lay down and he turns off the lights. Silence and darkness fill the room. There is only one streak of blue light coming from behind his curtains. Soon the Sun will start to rise so Clarke decides to try her best to fall asleep before that. On the other side of the bed Bellamy continues to toss and turn. She's already half asleep when she hears his husky voice.

"I wasn't completely honest with you Clarke," his voice is almost a whisper, "I lied."

"About what?" She asks, rubbing her eyes before turning towards him.

She can't see his expression in the dark but it's almost like he didn't expect her to actually be awake. It takes him a while to finally answer. "I told you people usually think my song is depressing but that's a lie because I've never played it to anyone before. You're the first person to hear it."

Clarke can't help but smile. "I promise I really meant it when I said I loved it."

"Good night, princess," he whispers softly after a while.

Her eyes are already closed when she responds. "Good night, Bell."

It takes Bellamy a couple more minutes to stop shifting on his side of the bed and finally relax. Clarke falls asleep soon after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! It's not another New Year's Eve! We're going to stay in this year for a little while longer, I hope you don't mind :) Also, I've finally decided that this story is going to have 11 chapters and I'm going to continue updating it on Wednesdays and Saturdays! Hope you liked it and that you're all staying healthy! ♥
> 
> For any comments or constructional criticism, you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com)) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke’s phone has been buzzing for a while but it’s not her phone that wakes her up. It’s the sound of someone shifting on the other side of the bed that makes her suddenly open her eyes to the harsh light coming from the windows.

She only allows herself to glance at the boy sleeping beside her, his mouth slightly open, his features much softer than when he’s awake. He’s hugging one of his pillows close to his body. For a second it all feels unreal, laying in the same bed as her best friend’s older brother who she sporadically had a crush on since the first semester of freshman year. She feels as if she fell asleep and somehow entered a parallel universe or is possibly dreaming all of this. But if it were a dream, her head wouldn’t be killing her as much as it is right now.

When she finally checks her buzzing phone, Clarke has eight missed calls from Finn, two missed calls from her mom and five texts from her mom:

 ** **Abby**** : ‘ _Hey, honey, happy new year! Hope you had fun yesterday. When are you coming home?_

_I’m about to leave for hospital so text me back as soon as you can_

_I had dinner with Thelonious yesterday and he said to say hi_

_Wells got accepted into Harvard early and I said you applied to Harvard too_

_Imagine how cool would it be to be at Harvard with your best friend!’_

Abby has been very difficult lately. Some days she could be too persistent and clingy, sending her daughter way too many texts just to check-in, most of whom don’t even warrant a reply. It’s good that she’s finally trying to be a parent again and although she means well, these kinds of comments about Harvard always made Clarke hate the idea of studying medicine even more.

 ** **Clarke**** : ‘ _Happy new year mom! Yesterday was cool, glad you had fun too. I’m not sure if we’re coming back to Arkadia today or tomorrow. I think tomorrow but I’ll text you in case anything changes’_

She taps her fingers on the side of her phone, debating whether to address the Harvard thing or not. She doesn’t want to start off the new year by fighting with Abby again so she decides against it, adding an emoji heart at the end of the text and clicking send. She deletes the missed calls, turns her volume back on and puts her phone back on the nightstand, grateful Finn didn’t think to text because there was nothing that would interest her less than reading paragraphs after paragraphs of him trying to explain himself again, even after all this time. She looks over at Bellamy, snuggled up much closer to her side of the bed than he was last night. She’s admiring his long dark eyelashes, flushed cheeks and his perfect curly hair when her phone dings again.

She reaches to grab it and hears rustling on Bellamy’s side of the bed. She expects a text to be from her mum, more nagging about the med school thing or something like that but it’s a text from Harper with a photo from last night of her, Monty, Maya and Jasper with those New Year’s novelty glasses. The caption reads: ‘ _HAPPY NEW YEAR CLARKY! Missed you last night!’_

"Please tell me that asshole isn't still calling you.” Clarke suddenly hears Bellamy say, his voice deeper and raspier than usual. “I swear I'm gonna find him and kick his ass."

"Don’t worry, Bellamy," she chuckles, looking down at the photo her friends sent her. "He's not."

"Oh good.” He clears throat and Clarke lets herself glance at him. He’s running his fingers through his messy hair as he slowly sits up on his side of the bed. “I'm still a bit hungover, to be honest and I would not do well in a combat right now. But give me two hours and I'll be just like new."

"You don't have to fight anyone today," she says lightly as she types ‘ _happy new year_ _! lysm!_ ’ to Harper. She feels Bellamy’s eyes on her. "So our adventure to that diner didn't help either of us as much as you claimed it would?" She asks.

"It still worked wonders, princess,” he says, stretching his arms over his head. “I bet if we hadn't eaten anything one of us would’ve puked by now for sure."

She meets his eye. "I bet it would’ve been you."

"Unfortunately I have to agree," he tells her and they both laugh.

Clarke’s phone dings again and it's a new text from Harper: ‘ _didn't expect to hear_ _f_ _rom you this early!_ _h_ _ow was_ _l_ _ast night?_ _a_ _nyone_ _g_ _ot alcohol poisoning?_ _’_

"Don't you think those were the best fries you ever had?" Bellamy asks as he lays back in bed.

She nods. "They _were_ pretty amazing," she tells Bellamy as she types a reply to Harper.

 ** **Clarke**** : _‘l_ _et's just say my_ _h_ _angover woke me up._ _h_ _ow was your night_ _?’_

"But I think I had better." She winks at him over her shoulder.

Bellamy lets out a small laugh. "It's just not possible."

Clarke raises her left eyebrow, challenging him.

"There is only one explanation for this."

"Yeah?"

"You're lying, Clarke," he says, his voice serious but the corners of his mouth curl as he continues, "I thought we promised each other we would always tell the truth."

Her phone dings again. 

****Harper**** : ‘ _LOL Monty and I passed out on my couch before 1_ _am_ _like someone's grandparents. I'm definitely going out_ _with you next year._ _d_ _id O get drunk_ _too_ _?_ _’_

"I never promised that," Clarke says to Bellamy, flashing him a bright smile before she looks down at her phone to text back Harper.

 ** **Clarke**** : ‘ _tell grandpa_ _I_ _s_ _aid hi. no idea about_ _O’_

For a second Bellamy sounds almost like he’s actually hurt. "Would you promise it now?"

As Clarke pretends to think about it, tapping her finger against her chin, she gets another new text from Harper.

 ** **Harper**** : _what do you mean?_ _d_ _idn't you see_ _h_ _er?_ _w_ _eren't you just sleeping in the same room?_

"Maybe," Clarke finally tells Bellamy as she starts to type out her response.

 ** **Clarke**** : ‘ _stop worrying. I just didn't see_ _h_ _er_ _much_ _l_ _ast night. I slept with Bellamy_ _’_

“Mysterious,” he smiles.

She rereads the last part of her text after she hits send.

_‘I slept with Bellamy.’_

"Oh shit." Clarke stands up, throwing her phone back on the bed as if it burned her hands. She buries her face in her palms as she starts pacing around in circles around the room causing Bellamy to look up at her.

"Uhm, Clarke? What's happening?" He asks, his voice almost cracking from trying not to laugh at the unexpected occurrence in front of him.

"Shit!" Clarke manages to repeat before her phone starts ringing. Bellamy eyes her with more concern this time but she just waves him off so he turns to look at his phone.

She takes the call after two rings. There’s just incoherent shrieking on the other side. Clarke can only make out a few words before she interrupts her friend. "Hey, Harper, how about you stop screaming and let me explain?"

She glances at Bellamy, still laying on his side of the bed and typing something on his phone. Clarke can tell he's only pretending not to listen to her conversation as she sees the corners of his mouth twitch.

"What is there to explain? I’m so happy for you Clarke, you have no idea!" Clarke can imagine Harper, at the other end of this call, jumping around the room from excitement.

"Slept as in slept in the same bed, Harper.” She whispers into her microphone, wincing at her own words. “Nothing happened." That part is only half true since they did kiss last night. But that’s an entirely different story.

Clarke’s most recent statement gets a reaction out of Bellamy. She sees him covering his mouth with a hand and trying his best not to laugh so she grabs the nearest pillow from the bed and throws it at him, but he ducks under the covers to avoid it.

Harper goes on and on about how it might still somehow mean something and Clarke bites her nail as she listens.

"I don't think so," she finally tells Harper. But it feels like she’s also reminding herself that. Their kiss probably meant nothing. It was on midnight and Bellamy lived for that shit, didn’t he?

"But you still like him, don't you?" Clarke almost drops the phone as she struggles to turn down the volume of the call.

She's trying to sound as vague as possible in case Bellamy is still listening. "Why do you think that?"

"Because I know you! I know how you act when you like someone and I’ve seen you with Bellamy.”

“Not recently,” Clarke points out.

“As if that changes anything,” Harper sighs. “Look, I know it’s been a while since we had this conversation and that you hoped I’d forget, but even if you didn’t tell me about it then I’d still know. I also know you had a crush on him since freshman year and you never told me _that_." Clarke’s first thought is to curse young drunk Clarke for admitting to liking Bellamy to anyone. Her second thought is about the very same guy they’re talking about, sitting three feet away from her. Somehow even when she can barely hear Harper, she's still afraid he will somehow hear what her friend just said. “Monty says he agrees with me,” Harper adds after a moment.

“He agrees with you on everything.”

“Not everything,” her friend insists. “Remember Pike?”

“Okay, almost everything.”

“Don’t try to change the subject!”  
  
"Well I don't know what to tell you, Harper."  
  
"You don't have to tell me anything. I know I'm right. I'm not sure how he feels about you _now_ but when I walked in on you two scream fighting after that huge ass party at their house, I swear I saw a spark in his eye.” Clarke’s not sure how to feel about the example her friend has given her. It was four months ago and they were obviously not on good terms back then. And Clarke never saw any spark. “I’ve seen my parents scream at each other a lot but this was different,” Harper tells her, “whew, the sexual tension in the room was unlike anything I've seen before.” 

It was stupid. That whole night was awful but the fight she had with Bellamy was one of the worst and most pointless fights they ever had. That morning Clarke had bumped into Finn and his new girlfriend, the one he had cheated on her with, and for hours she couldn’t stop crying, so she reached out to Octavia for help. The two of them came up with an idea to throw a house party since Aurora wasn’t home and Bellamy was supposed to be gone on a road-trip with Miller and Murphy for the next few days. But then Miller had an argument with his boyfriend and canceled the trip last minute so Bellamy came home to find absolute chaos. The party has gotten out of hand, way too many people showed up and Clarke decided to take the blame for it. It was only after half an hour of intense yelling when Harper and Octavia found Clarke and Bellamy screaming at each other in the backyard. Octavia refused Clarke’s attempt to cover for her but the fight has gotten too far to stop so easily, too many things were said already. The things between Clarke and Bellamy have been slightly weird for some time before but after this they were never the same. Until last night.

“And that one time you-" Harper starts again but Clarke can’t listen to any more of this. And, more importantly, she can’t risk Bellamy hearing any more than he already might have heard.

"Okay Harper, shut up now,” she tells her friend suddenly. “We'll talk later, okay?"

"He's in the room with you, isn't he?"

"Shut up," Clarke repeats in a singsong voice.

Harper laughs. "Love you! Be smart! Text me if anything else happens!"

Ending the phone call, Clarke throws herself on the bed, exhausted from the conversation she was barely a part of.

”Do you usually end your phone calls with ‘shut up’?” Bellamy asks, his voice playful as he peeks out from under the duvet. If he heard anything Harper said about Clarke having a crush on him, he doesn’t mention it.

Clarke thinks about it for a second before she looks up to him and smiles. "Shut up," she tells him lightheartedly.

Bellamy tucks his arm under his head, propping himself up. "So your friend thinks we slept together?"

"She misunderstood," Clarke explains as she fluffs her pillow and finds herself in the same position as Bellamy, mirroring him. "Although technically we did sleep together," she points out jokingly.

"Only because you begged me to."

Her mouth drops open "Ha! You wish!" If it wasn’t for the tingle of excitement in her stomach from talking to Bellamy, Clarke could so easily fall asleep right here and right now.

“So you talked to your friend about me?” Bellamy asks, flashing her a bright smile. “What else did you say?”

“I told her the truth: nothing happened.”

He’s grinning ear-to-ear. “I can’t believe you missed the opportunity to tell her how good I am in bed,” he says, quickly adding: “to sleep next to, of course.”

“Of course.”

“Because that’s all that happened,” Bellamy, says, slightly raising an eyebrow. She can’t figure out the look that he’s sending her. Is this his way of saying that the kiss on the roof was nothing?

“Yes,” she gulps.

“And you didn’t even once cross to my side to steal my pillow.” Okay, maybe she was too quick to assume it was about the kiss, he probably hasn’t even thought about it since it happened. That means it probably meant nothing. So why is she still so hung up on it?

“I didn’t.” She’s blushing at the thought of him, waking up in the middle of the night to find her on his side of the bed, laying dangerously close to him.

Bellamy raises his eyebrow again, his beautiful bright smile hasn’t left his face. “I must have dreamt it then.”

“Sounds like an awesome dream,” Clarke says.

“I guess it was,” he agrees.

They lay next to each other in silence for some time, exchanging occasional glances and smiles.

"Hey, Clarke?" Bellamy says after a while.

"Yeah?"

"You know what I said about always being honest to you?"

"I remember,” she says half-jokingly. “You literally mentioned it ten minutes ago.”

"I have to tell you something." Despite Bellamy still smiling brightly at her, Clarke’s stomach twists and she feels her heartbeat speed up. "You remember last night when we were on the roof and I-," but Bellamy doesn't get to end that sentence. He gets interrupted by the sound of someone bursting into his bedroom.

"Now that's something I thought I'd never see!" Octavia exclaims.

Clarke panics. She feels as if she was caught doing something she shouldn’t be doing. But she and Bellamy were just talking. She's not even sure quite what they were talking about. He was mentioning last night and the roof and she's suddenly desperate to find out what exactly was he going to say before they got interrupted. Was he going to tell her he shouldn’t have kissed her? Since that was basically the first thing he said after they separated, was it possible he was going to bring it up again just so he could rub it in for the second time? Or just to make sure they were on the same page? Maybe it wasn’t about the kiss at all. What else were they talking about? Med school? Art? Music? He already told her about her being the first person ever to hear his song. So what was this all about? Not knowing already drives her crazy. But as Clarke looks back to Octavia she realizes she's going to have to wait a little bit longer to find out no matter how hard it’s going to be.

"What are you talking about?" Bellamy asks. He seems much calmer than Clarke but his cheeks are looking much rosier than they did a minute ago.

Octavia climbs the bed and occupies the space between Clarke and Bellamy. She outstretches her arms to both of them. "About you two talking to each other like normal people," the black-haired girl smiles. "Or at least without wanting to rip each other's heads off."

This was the problem with Clarke’s stupid crush on Bellamy. She hated it. She hated herself for crushing on him for so long. She hated herself for even thinking about him that way. She hated she could never tell Octavia about it like she could if he was any other person in the world.

"That, my big brother, is what I call progress," Octavia continues. "In five years you two might actually be friends," she tells them and they both chuckle at that. Clarke catches Bellamy's uncertain look. It might not take that long after all.

"Let's say ten just to be sure," Bellamy winks at Clarke from behind Octavia's head.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself there," Clarke replies jokingly.

Only a minute goes by from the moment Octavia walks in, to the moment Bellamy is shooed out of the room so the two girls could talk in private. They’re sprawled across Bellamy’s bed, Octavia is telling Clarke about her and Lincoln’s anniversary, her head resting on Clarke’s shoulder as they both stare at the ceiling

"I just wish we had more time to be alone, just the two of us," Octavia tells her best friend, “I miss the days when he came home to Arkadia every weekend."

"You literally spent the entire night together," Clarke points out.

"Not what I meant!" The black-haired girl winks as she continues: "We only had a couple of minutes alone in Miller’s room when I stole his key."

"You didn't!"

"Not on his bed," Octavia says casually, making Clarke burst out laughing.

She thinks to what Bellamy said about Miller locking up their rooms and Octavia handing Clarke the key to Bellamy’s room. "I'm just thankful you didn't do it on this bed," she says, running her fingers across the soft duvet.

"Yeah that's way too gross,” Octavia chuckles in agreement. “My brother’s room? Who knows what goes on in here." Clarke didn't even think about how many girls might have slept in the exact place she slept last night. Though those girls probably got more than a kiss, she thinks to herself before she mentally kicks herself for still obsessing over a stupid New Year’s kiss that probably meant nothing.

"Ugh, I need a shower," Clarke says, getting up from the bed and reaching for her suitcase. "By the way, what are we doing today?" She asks as she looks through the stuff she packed.

"I have no idea,” Octavia confesses. “Lincoln just left and he won’t be able to hang out until tonight. We can just chill around the apartment the entire day, nap a bit, watch a movie. Or we could go out and do something else"

“Those usually _are_ the two options.”

Octavia waves her hand dismissively. “We’ll figure something out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a slightly shorter chapter but I felt like it wouldn't work if I'd just combined this one and the one I'll be posting on Saturday :) Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and are staying healthy and safe!
> 
> And, of course, I hope you liked this part!  
> For any comments or constructional criticism, you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com) \- where you can also check out the awful moodboards I made) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not from the USA, and the higher education system is different in my country (and too complicated to attempt to explain), so there's a possibility that some parts of this chapter might not be correct. My apologies.

Clarke loved mornings in theory. Getting up, eating a healthy breakfast and drinking freshly made coffee before being productive as everyone’s still sound asleep sounds appealing, but in reality- mornings are shit. The only thing that can make mornings worse: a hangover.

Clarke could have sworn that meal she had last night with Bellamy would help calm her morning hungover, but she obviously drank way more than she should’ve and slept way too little. Now, she was paying the price.

Even after an aspirin and a cold shower, her head still hurts like crazy. And as she’s massaging her temples on her way out of the bathroom, Clarke bumps into Miller who’s exchanging goodbyes with his boyfriend Bryan in the hallway. He seems slightly irritated by this interruption.

“Breakfast is in the kitchen. I’ll join you all in a minute,” he tells Clarke roughly to which she nods, quickly waving at Bryan, whom she met only briefly yesterday, before giving the two guys some privacy.

The first thing she notices in the kitchen is the smell of fried eggs and bacon that overwhelms her senses. And then she notices Bellamy, standing by the stove, only wearing his pajama bottoms and the first hoodie he managed to grab before Octavia shooed him out of the room, half an hour ago. His hair is a curly mess, just the way Clarke likes it.

"I thought there wasn't any food in your kitchen," Clarke comments as she sits on the chair closest to her.

A smirk forms on his face. "You have complaints about our date last night, princess?” He asks, flipping the egg on the pan.

A date? Clarke’s body freezes.

"Someone had a date last night?" Miller asks as he walks into the kitchen, grabbing a toast and throwing it up on a plate before sitting across the table from Clarke. They both watch Bellamy avoid the question by suddenly focusing all of his attention on the stove in front of him.

Miller leans back in his chair, looking like he’s bored out of his mind or is going to fall asleep any second now. "By the way, Bellamy, do I have your approval to invite Echo again tonight?” He asks once he realizes his previous question won’t get answered. “I'm sorry last night was so weird, I swear I just forgot to tell you she was coming."

"Whatever, man, I don't care," Bellamy says as he puts eggs onto a plate. "Octavia! Breakfast!" He calls before placing one plate and a glass of orange juice in front of Clarke. He grabs another plate for himself before he sits down to eat next to Miller. They hear Octavia’s swift footsteps as she bounces into the kitchen.

“Well, I think we should invite her tonight. She is a part of the group even no matter what you think of each other," Miller offers slowly before stuffing his mouth with toast.

"Invite who?” Octavia asks from the door, energetically making her way towards the table and plopping on the chair next to Clarke. 

"Echo," Miler replies to which Octavia loudly gags. Everyone at the table turns to look at her.

"I'm not sorry," she tells them casually. “And where are you inviting her? What's tonight?" She asks, sticking a fork into her breakfast.

"So, Bellamy and I had an idea for tonight but we first wanted to see if you were planning on going Arkadia already today or...?" Miller trails off, waiting for an answer.

Clarke looks to Octavia but her friend seems to have her mouth full so she responds instead: "I don’t know. We weren’t planning to go back today, but if you need us to leave I guess I can check the bus schedule and-”

Miller stops her rambling. "It's the opposite. We were hoping you would stay for another night."

"No problem," Octavia mumbles with her mouth full.

"We're throwing a party again tonight," Bellamy explains as he sips his juice. "Well, not exactly a party,” he clarifies: “a group get-together."

"Much fewer people than last night," Miller jumps in. "Only the chosen ones."

“And yet Echo made the list,” Octavia mumbles.

"It’s sort of like a New Year's Eve reprise," Bellamy adds to Clarke, ignoring the comment his sister made.

"Sounds cool," Clarke says.

“We’ll probably play some drinking games because we have too much alcohol left to drink it all by ourselves. And there’s maybe going to be beer pong if we can get enough people to play,” Miller informs the girls, his voice monotone like he’s boring himself by talking about it. Although, if Clarke was honest, Miller always sounded a bit like that.

“Clarke’s a beer pong genius,” Octavia tells him suddenly.

“Yeah?” Bellamy meets her eye and Clarke nods.

“Cool, you can play against Bellamy then,” Miller tells Clarke as he pats Bellamy on the back. “So, that means I can count you in for tonight?”

"Definitely," Octavia says, chewing on her toast, "though I might miss a part of it because Lincoln and I got some plans."

“As long as you two stay out of my room.” He looks to Octavia and Clarke expects her best friend to blush but she just chuckles instead.

Clarke looks around the kitchen, there are used red solo cups on every surface in the kitchen except for the table they must have cleared before breakfast. There’s also a ton of empty beer bottles and chips bags everywhere. "Do you need help to clean up the place?" She asks and a second later feels Octavia slap her arm. Clarke avoids her best friend’s angry stare.

"Don't worry about a thing. Just do whatever you planned for today and show up around nine," Bellamy reassures her and then Miller slaps his arm.

"Dude,” Miller says through his teeth, “what is wrong with you? She literally volunteered to clean up.”

“Well, she withdraws her offer!” Octavia announces, pushing her empty plate away from her. “We have a busy day planned, you know.”

This is news to Clarke. “We do?”

“Yes.” Octavia shoots her a look. “We should probably go get ready,” she announces again, pulling her friend by the hand. Clarke manages to stuff the rest of her breakfast into her mouth before she gets dragged away from the table.

Turns out when Octavia says she planned out the entire day it actually means she has a vague idea of where they’re going to go, without any plan on how to actually get there. It’s no surprise since it’s obvious she only wanted to get out of the apartment so she wouldn’t have to help clean up. She was in such a hurry, she wouldn’t let Bellamy get a word out when he tried to pull Clarke aside to talk to her about something before they left. Clarke could have won an Oscar for how well she managed to hide her disappointment when Octavia dragged her out of the apartment and told Bellamy he’d have to wait.

Since there was no preparation, no research, the two girls spend half a day walking through the empty streets of Polis almost completely lost. It’s a bit warmer today though there’s a feeling in the air like it might start snowing any moment now. Octavia insists on trying to find all the touristy spots without using Google maps and on taking a bunch of pictures of and in front of every cool building they see.

“It’s how we’ll get to know the real Polis,” she explains every time Clarke points out that they’re lost.

When after three hours Octavia’s phone dies and they both realize they’re starving Clarke somehow manages to find the way to the only place that she knows is open.

The atmosphere in the diner is similar to the one last night, perhaps a little less rowdy but still lively. Clarke feels it’s weird to sit in the same booth she sat in with Bellamy last night so the two girls sit in the booth closer to the diner entrance where a cool breeze splashes over them every time the doors open.

"How did you know about this place?" Octavia asks after they order. Clarke is staring down at her phone, scrolling through Instagram. Harper posted five stories last night, some of her and Monty and some with Maya and Jasper. It looks like they played bridge after diner; they truly are like a couple of grandparents.

Wells posted a photo with his relatively new girlfriend, posing with champagne flutes, both of them wearing Harvard sweatshirts. Clarke wishes him a happy new year through Instagram before Abby’s morning texts flash through her mind and all of a sudden she feels sick to her stomach. She can’t go to Harvard. She doesn’t want to go to med school. She needs to have an honest conversation with her mother no matter how much it pains her.

Octavia reaches closer and waves her hand inches away from Clarke’s face. "Earth to Clarke!"

This snaps Clarke back to the present time.

"Did your parents take you here before when you visited Polis or what?" Octavia asks impatiently.

"Sure," she lies unconvincingly but Octavia seems satisfied with the reply she had gotten, and turns her attention to the table jukebox. It’s not like Clarke can say she found this place when she sneaked out late last night to what Bellamy, this morning, called ‘a date’. 

After their food arrives Octavia asks the waitress for a charger and the girl takes the phone to charge it behind the bar. Clarke notices it’s not the same waitress as last night but that’s expected. This girl is also very cheerful and helpful and it makes Clarke wonder if she too flirts with costumers like the one from last night did with Bellamy. Or was there something special in the relationship between Bellamy and the waitress from last night?

“Just imagine; two of us, less than a year from now, sitting here at this diner after we’re done with all our lectures for the day.” Octavia looks around as she plays with one of her fries. “I think this can be our ‘spot’,” she decides. “And then sometimes I bring Lincoln and you bring some artsy-fartsy lover of yours that Lincoln and I make fun of sometimes-”

“Octavia-”

“Not to their face! And we actually like them, we just like messing with you. And then we go on double dates and-”

“My mom wants me to go to Harvard.”

“What?”

“Abby wants me to go to Harvard and then med school just like her. I’ve applied a week ago.”

“I thought you told her you want to do art?”

“I did but she thinks it’s a waste of my time. This morning she texted me about Wells getting in on early admissions.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Octavia meets her eye and Clarke shrugs in response. “What are you going to do?”

“Right now my plan is to hope I don’t get into one of the most competitive schools in the country.”

“Great plan,” Octavia tells her sarcastically. “And if you get in, what then? Are you really going to do something you don’t want just because Abby thinks you should? What about our plans and Polis? Can’t you at least do your pre-med here?”

Clarke buries her face in her hands. “I don’t know,” she sighs. “I let this go on for too long. I should’ve told her weeks ago that I was serious about art. I shouldn’t have even sent my application.”

“If only the dog hadn’t stopped to shit,” Octavia starts to quote, raising her eyebrows in amusement.

She didn’t need to finish, Clarke knew exactly what she meant. She had heard Aurora use the same saying whenever Octavia got too hung up on something she should have done but didn’t: ‘If the dog hadn’t stopped to shit, he would have caught the rabbit’.

“Right,” Clarke says, trying her hardest not to laugh as she focuses back on the problem: “Well, I guess I’ll have to tell Abby everything the next time I see her, and then hope she takes it well.”

“So, what exactly are you going to tell her?” Her friend asks before she drops another fry into her mouth. “By the way, these are amazing,” she mumbles with her mouth full.

Clarke nods as she thinks about her response: “I’m gonna tell her that I’ve decided; I don’t want to study medicine nor go to Harvard. I want to study here. And it’s just my luck that Polis also has an amazing art programme. And then I’m going to tell her that she has to accept it because I know dad would.”

“And if you get into Harvard? Can you say ‘no’ to Harvard?”

“I’m probably not getting in.”

“But if you do? They also have an amazing art programme, you know?” Octavia tilts her head, her lips curling into a smile.

“I’ll say ‘no’ to Harvard,” Clarke says decisively.

“Insane,” her best friend tells her and they burst out laughing. Clarke feels like some weight has been lifted off of her chest. The rest will have to wait until she sees her mom.

Clarke’s about to make a joke about ivy league when her phone goes off. Both the girls stare at the screen in front of them that reads ‘Bellamy’ and it takes Clarke a moment to remember he has her number from all the previous times Octavia’s phone battery died.

"Why is my brother calling you?" Octavia asks.

"No idea,” Clarke tells her truthfully.

“You two have the weirdest relationship,” her friend comments before raising her eyebrow; “Aren’t you gonna answer it?”

She picks up. "Hey?"

"Hey, Clarke,” Bellamy says casually as if this isn’t the first time he had called her, “why is O not answering her phone?"

Clarke feels oddly relieved. "She didn't charge it last night."

Octavia rolls her eyes. “Tell him to let me live my life!” She yells, loud enough for her brother to hear on the other end of the call.

"Typical,” he says. “Anyway, just wanted to see where you two are. It seems people will be arriving earlier so I just wanted you to know in case you've seen or done everything you planned. But if you're still busy-"

"We're not," Clarke blurts out.

"Oh cool.” He sounds surprised. And then there’s a pause before he speaks again. “What are you doing?"

"Sitting in a diner." She’s not sure if she should give him more information than that.

"What diner?" Bellamy asks. "Our diner?"

Our? Clarke’s heartbeat speeds up.

"Yeah," she breathes.

"You couldn't resist the fries, huh?” This makes her smile, she hears he’s smiling too as he continues: “I told you: once you try them you get hooked. And now you're a junky, princess."

"It is _so_ worth it though," she chuckles.

"Ha! Told you!"

His victorious tone reminds her of the conversation they had this morning about the fries. She can’t let him win. "I'm still not saying they are the best fries I've ever had,” she tells him, her voice playful.

"You don't have to explicitly say it. It’s okay, Clarke,” he says. “I'll just take this as you admitting defeat."

"I'm not admitting anything," she laughs.

“Too late. It’s done, Clarke.”

Octavia who was looking through the old menus and at the table jukebox up until recently is now starting at Clarke with interest. Clarke’s suddenly too aware of how she might sound, laughing at what could be her and Bellamy’s inside joke about fries. Does it sound like they’re flirting? Clarke can’t tell what does Octavia think is currently happening but she knows she has to shut it down.

"Hey, it looks like I gotta go,” Bellamy tells her suddenly. “Miller wants to kill me because we still haven't finished cleaning up the place. But I'll see you soon, I hope?" 

She could melt at his tone when he says that last part. She could imagine him at the other side of the call, with his eyebrows furrowed, his freckles sprawled across his beautiful face and his hand running through his beautiful curly hair which he has a habit of doing. But she shouldn’t imagine it. She needs to pretend that nothing is happening because for all she knows, nothing is happening and they’re only becoming friends.

"Of course," she tells him, trying to sound casual.

"Great," he says before they exchange byes.

Octavia is still staring at her when she hangs up. "This is the longest I've seen you two talk," She points out and Clarke’s not sure how to respond until her best friend continues: “I knew you two would eventually get along if you tried, you are essentially the same person”

“We are not the same person,” Clarke protests but her lips still curl into a smile.

“You know, if it were anybody else in the entire world I would definitely ask if something had happened between you two last night,” Octavia says suddenly, “but since it’s only you and my brother I know I don’t have to bother.”

“Yeah,” Clarke tells her best friend before quickly changing the subject: "He called to say people will be arriving earlier than planned so if we want to get ready we should head back soon.”

"Oh cool," Octavia says excitedly before her tone turns sarcastic. "I don’t know about you but I'm totally looking forward to seeing the devil herself.” Clarke rolls her eyes and it only encourages her best friend to keep going: “If at any point I seem like I want to slap her please don’t hold me back."

“That’s enough,” Clarke tells her with a chuckle but curiosity struck her; she wants to know exactly what happened that made her best friend feel this way but it may be too weird to ask. She knows Octavia and Echo didn’t get along when they were both on the school volleyball team. They were rivals, back then, competing for the title of team captain. But the way Octavia still spoke about Echo seemed to suggest there was another sort of conflict that was still going on.

“I’m serious!” Octavia insists. “She’s like a Disney cartoon villain.”

“Okay, _Pocahontas_.” Clarke uses the nickname she had heard Bellamy and Aurora use a couple of times over the past few years in the hope it would somehow change the subject. It fails.

“She is!” This girl is persistent. “You know she once smacked the ball so hard that the ball hit me on the head during an away game? And we were on the same fucking team!”

“It was probably an accident?”

“I don’t know,” Octavia starts, “usually girls that sate Bellamy try to act nice to me but I’m pretty sure Echo made Bellamy invite her over for dinner about a week after they started dating just so she could gloat. They weren’t even 100% official yet.”

When was all this? How come Octavia never told Clarke that Bellamy and Echo were together when Echo obviously even came for dinner to their house and met their mom? How come Octavia never told Clarke about any of this before? Or about Echo and Bellamy breaking up? That seems like something Octavia wouldn’t miss to mention considering their rivalry. Clarke really doesn’t want to over-analyze this but she vaguely remembers Bellamy, last new year’s, telling her he’s not sure if he should call Echo his girlfriend. Where does that fit in with all of this? Clarke’s head still hurt.

“Well they broke up and you’re the captain now, you don’t have to worry about her anymore. She can’t affect your life,” Clarke finally decides. “Unless Bellamy wants to get back together with her,” she concludes but it comes off more like a question.

“Ha! He won’t.” Octavia sounds so sure. A part of Clarke wants to push it more but another part doesn’t want to seem too interested. She also doesn’t want to feel this way anymore. She doesn’t want to be jealous anymore and she really shouldn’t have to know everything. That’s why she makes herself change the subject back to college.

They sit in the diner for a couple more minutes, daydreaming together about what will it be like once they start college, where will live, how they want to decorate their apartments, what will it all look like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I said at the beginning of the chapter: I don't fully understand the higher education system in the USA. I also don't know anything about Harvard. I hope that part made some sense, at least. Hopefully, when I'm done with this fanfic, I will go back and edit parts like these in a way that makes more sense.  
> Also: 'New Year's Eve reprise' is a real thing in my country that most people celebrate for whatever reason (mostly to get rid of the leftovers from actual NYE I guess).  
> I feel like the last two chapters were sort of filler chapters, so now I can't wait till the next chapter that comes out Wednesday! It's one of my favorites :)
> 
> As always: I hope you liked this!  
> For any comments or constructional criticism, you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com) \- where you can also check out the awful moodboards I made) or write down in the comments! Thank you so much! :)


	8. Chapter 8

It’s snowing outside. After three years of not snowing on New Year’s Eve, Clarke is delighted to see that it’s finally snowing on January 1st or “the New Year’s Eve reprise” as Bellamy had called it during breakfast. Although it’s not actually the real New Year’s Eve, Octavia insists the two girls need to be dressed to kill tonight, and from the look on Bellamy’s face when she leaves his room, ready for the party, Clarke decides she’s hit the bullseye. He looks her up and down but, before he could say anything, Raven grabs Clarke’s arm and pulls her away to introduce her to another one of their college friends: Roan.

Roan is a couple of years older than them, tall, muscular, and really dramatic. Right upon their introduction, he latches onto Clarke’s side, so she can’t go anywhere without him following her, and it’s really affecting Clarke’s plan on getting to talk to Bellamy about whatever he was meaning to tell her this morning.

Half an hour later, she’s showing Roan the photos of her drawings on her phone, running out of topics to discuss, pretending not to notice Bellamy staring curiously in their direction from across the living room. They’re chuckling about something Roan said when he stops and addresses someone behind Clarke.

“Did you know she’s an artist?” Roan asks, and Clarke whips around to see who’s he talking to.

“Yep,” Bellamy beams at them, “she’s very talented.”

“She is!” Roan agrees as he holds up Clarke’s phone and shows a photo of her painting to Bellamy. Clarke catches her breath as she watches Bellamy’s reaction. “Look at this! It’s genius. I’m so impressed by her, honestly,” Roan says, swiping through Clarke’s gallery.

“Our princess has that effect,” Bellamy tells him, his eye meeting Clarke’s for a brief moment before she looks away.

“Hey, Clarke,” Bellamy says suddenly, gently touching her arm, “can I talk to you for a sec?” Her heartbeat speeds up.

Finally.

“Sure,” she says as casually as she possibly can before she follows him into the hallway, away from all the people. They stand across from each other in silence. She’s waiting, anxiously looking at him while he’s holding his phone out and staring at the screen.

Clarke clears her throat. “So, what did you wanna talk about?” She hopes she doesn't sound as nervous as she feels.

Bellamy grimaces at his phone and then slips it into his pocket before finally looking up. “Uhm,” he buys a couple of seconds by running his fingers through his hair, “I wanted to check if Collins was still bothering you.”

“Nope.” She sways in place, shifting her weight from her heel to her toes. “He probably sobered up and remembered how much of an ass he is,” she adds jokingly.

“Good, good.” Bellamy nods. There’s a silence as she’s waiting to see if he’s gonna say anything else. “Also, I wanted to ask if you’re ready for our beer pong match.”

This couldn’t possibly be the reason he pulled her aside to talk to her. “ Sure,” she says skeptically.

“Because Murphy and I are like _really good_ ,” he warns. “Well, _I’m_ really good.”

“Someone’s sure of himself,” Clarke laughs, and Bellamy shrugs casually in response. “Whatever," she tells him with a playful smile. "Raven alone could wipe the floor with your asses.”

Bellamy’s eyes widen, and the corners of his lips curl in amusement. “Are you trash-talking me?”

“I might be.”

“Cool,” he says with a smirk before his phone dings from his pocket, and he pulls it out again.

She’s dying to know what he wanted to tell her this morning, but instead Clarke asks: “So when’s the game starting?”

“Well, we’re still waiting for some people. They just texted so it could be any minute now.” At the very moment he finishes his sentence, the doorbell rings, and Bellamy leaps to open the door. He first greets Lincoln with a handshake, then he hugs Gaia, and then, just as Clarke is saying hello to the first two, the last person walks in. It’s Echo.

“Happy one year anniversary,” Echo tells Bellamy as she awkwardly hands him her coat. Then the tall brunette notices Clarke standing five feet away. “Oh, hey, Clarke,” she greets her with a sour smile before shooting another look towards Bellamy. Clarke doesn’t understand this small interaction and the look the two of them exchange, but it ends so quickly, and by the time Clarke says hi to Echo, the brunette is already past Clarke and halfway to the living room.

“Here’s the plan: the first match is Bellamy and Murphy vs Clarke and I,” Raven tells the whole group once they’re all in the living room. Well, not the _whole_ group: Octavia and Lincoln already managed to disappear somewhere. 

“Then after we kick their butts there’s going to be a little break, we’ll play some stupid drinking game Murphy can’t shut up about, and then there’s a second match: Roan and Gaia vs Emori and Echo,” Raven says, ignoring Murphy’s protests about his game not being lame. “Then, if we’re sober enough, we can have winners play winners, but I think we’ll leave that to some other time.”

The match starts off great, Raven sinks the first ball, and Murphy has to chug his first cup, but he does it with pride. 

“Thanks, Reyes. I needed this!” He yells over the loud music. He aims for two minutes before finally throwing the ball. “Now, girls, watch how it’s really done,” he tells them just before he misses.

“I’m watching. Did I miss it?” Clarke asks. She can see Bellamy covering his mouth to hide his laugh.

“I’m better at this when I’m actually drunk,” Murphy explains.

“You’re really not,” Bellamy says, catching Clarke’s eye.

“Whatever! Your turn, Griffin. Let’s see how _you_ throw!”

Clarke feels slightly nervous as she picks up the ball. Usually, she’s really good at beer pong, but the fact that Octavia oversold her at breakfast makes Clarke terrified of missing the shot and making a fool of herself in front of Bellamy and the others. Raven nods at her encouragingly, and Emori shoots her a thumbs up from the other side of the table, so Clarke takes a deep breath and pulls her hair back into a messy bun. She lines up her shot and takes it, holding her breath as she watches the ball sink into the center cup on the other side of the table. Raven high-fives her.

“Not bad, princess,” Bellamy tells her loudly, bringing the cup up to his lips without taking his eyes off of Clarke.

The game goes on: Bellamy tosses his ball across the table, and it lands in a cup with ease, Clarke chugs. Murphy does his best to throw off Raven with weird speedy movements over the cups as she aims, but the girl still makes her shot and he drinks.

“My shoulder hurts actually,” Murphy explains when he misses the cup for the third time in a row, this time entirely missing the beer pong table and hitting the wall behind Clarke. Emori wraps her arms around him in consolation, whispering something in his ear that improves his mood instantly.

“You trying to get me drunk, princess?” Bellamy asks Clarke once she throws in another ball, and she blushes, not even sure why.

“My mouth is so dry,” Raven complains when Murphy fails again.

They play more rounds. Clarke and Raven throw in most of the balls, Murphy rarely hits the cup and Bellamy scores every fucking time. He also does a stupid little dance every time with a cocky grin on his face. Clarke would’ve hated it when she first met him, but now it’s kind of cute. Sometimes Murphy joins him, and then it’s hilarious.

“Kobe!” Murphy calls before hitting the cup.

Clarke tries to throw a bounce shot, but the ball bounces off too hard and ends up in Bellamy’s hands. He smirks at her before he scores once again, and as Clarke reaches for the cup, Raven loudly comments:

“New plan: next time you flash him so he’d miss.” Everybody who’s still around the table laughs at that, and Clarke looks to Bellamy who’s staring off somewhere to the side, avoiding her eye. He misses his next throw, breaking his perfect streak.

“And you didn’t even have to flash him,” Raven whispers to Clarke, who puts her hand over her mouth to hide her laugh. Raven then turns back to the guys. “Bellamy, I thought you were better, but you suck almost as much as your buddy.” This is met with more protests and excuses from Murphy’s side that Raven ignores as she picks up the ball and executes another perfect throw. She turns to Emori now, telling her how she can’t watch one of her best friends be in a relationship with such an awful player. “You deserve better!” She yells just before Murphy misses again. It’s not his night.

Raven casts another sad glance at Emori. “I think you should break up right now, or I’ll break up for you.” Emori only laughs, comforting Murphy with a kiss.

“You ready for another beer?” Clarke points to Bellamy cockily once the ball is in her hands again. She can definitely feel the effects of drinking too much room-temperature beer.

He smirks, eyebrows raised in challenge. “Bring it on, princess!”

Clarke holds the ball very loosely in her hand, and once she releases it shoots up, flying across the table, heading directly for the one cup in the front. After Clarke’s brilliant score, instead of drinking his beer straight away, Bellamy moves his cup to the side and throws his ball, not taking his eyes off of Clarke as he makes the shot. Grinning, he picks up his cup and strides over to her side so they can clink their plastic cups.

“You’re really good at this,” he whispers to her as they watch Murphy and Raven bicker about something. Half the group has long vacated their places from around the beer pong table and are chatting on the couch at the other side of the room. Even Emori got bored of her boyfriend losing.

“Are you surprised?” Clarke asks, faking confidence only to be taken aback a second later by his genuine smile.

Bellamy thinks about it for a second. “Not surprised, just impressed,” he tells her honestly before he looks her up and down and heads back to his side. Clarke's cheeks are burning as she watches him walk over to Murphy, downing the rest of his beer. 

There are seven cups total left in the game. Raven and Clarke have to throw in only two more to win. For a few more minutes, Clarke watches the two boys strategize pointlessly before the break ends. The girls win five minutes later. As Raven rubs in her victory, with her possibly choreographed victory dance, Clarke sneaks out to fix her hair only to see that the bathroom is occupied. She’s standing in the small hallway, leaned against the wall when Bellamy notices her on his way to the kitchen.

“Congratulations on your victory, we’ll get you next time,” Bellamy says, slowly approaching her.

“I wouldn’t bet on it if I were you.” Clarke beams at him. “You’d lose all your money.”

He ducks his head as he chuckles. “You’re probably right. Can I blame it all on Murphy?”

“I’ll allow it,” she laughs, and then he’s standing dangerously close to her, leaning against the wall behind them. She can hear the song that’s playing from the living room, now louder than before.

“I was just going to the kitchen to get something to drink,” he tells her, not taking his brown eyes off of her. “Want anything?”

“Nope, just waiting for my turn.” She motions her head towards the bathroom. “I need to fix my hair.”

“I think you want a drink,” he tilts his head slightly.

She chuckles. “No, I’m _pretty sure_ I need to fix my hair.”

“I think your hair looks great the way it is.” He gently brushes a strand of her hair and places it behind her ear. Clarke could swear she sees him glance down at her lips for a second.

“Really?” Their faces are inches apart. She can hear her own heartbeat.

“Yes, you look very artistic.”

“So, I should always wear it like this?”

“Yes.” He leans in slightly, waiting for her to pull away, but she doesn’t. She blinks, and his eyes drop to her lips once again.

The sound of bathroom doors unlocking startles Clarke, and they pull away from each other instantly. Bellamy leans back on the wall next to Clarke, closing his eyes for a moment as Emori quietly walks past them and into the living room.

The moment’s over. Now what?

“I love this song,” Clarke breaks the silence, turning to Bellamy. “Let’s dance.”

“I don’t dance,” he says, but the corners of his mouth curl in amusement.

She rolls her eyes. “Come on.” She pulls him by a hand, and he follows her back into the living room. But, once they pass the threshold of the room, he lets go of her hand.

“Oh, cool! Everyone’s here,” Miller announces, turning down the music. “Let’s play that truth or drink game.”

Murphy rolls his eyes. “It’s truth, dare, or drink.”

“As long as there’s drinking in it, I’m game,” Gaia calls as she plops down on the floor between Echo and Roan.

Raven saves a chair for Clarke, right between her and Miller. Bellamy sits right across from her, on the couch with Emori and Murphy. They exchange glances as Raven shoves a wine glass into Clarke’s hands, and the chaos starts.

At one point there are three people simultaneously explaining rules to Clarke until Murphy jumps in with an example scenario:

"So, for example, if someone, let’s say- Raven, chooses dare, she gets to either,” he clicks on the phone to see the outcome, “kiss player number two, that's me, she can do that and make all of her dreams come true, or she can down her drink."

"I'd much rather just kiss your girlfriend, jackass," Raven says, and Emori winks at her.

"Enough with that," he protests as Raven sends a kiss to Emori on the other side of the room, and Emori pretends to catch it. "I hate that you two are friends," he mutters.

"I think everybody's got it, Murphy," Bellamy assures him.

"Let's play,” Roan calls, taking the phone away from Murphy.

They start with Miller who gets dared to takes off his shirt and belly dance for 30 seconds. "That's easy: pass," Miller laughs as he chugs his beer.

Murphy gets dared to give someone a lap dance, and the entire group laughs when he decides Bellamy should be on receiving end of that. Emori folds her arms on her chest, trying her best not to laugh in her attempt to act jealous. Bellamy shoots Clarke a confused look once Murphy starts twerking inches away from his face.

Gaia picks dare too and ends up having to kiss the person across the room from her: Bryan. They both laugh for too long while they stand in the center of the room as the rest of the group, including Miller, cheers them on.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she reassures him, but he goes ahead and kisses her anyway.

“Yep, I’m still gay,” he jokes when he sits back down, next to his boyfriend, making the whole group laugh.

Echo picks ‘truth’ but drinks instead of answering a question about her favorite position in bed. Clarke can't help but notice how uncomfortable both her and Bellamy look.

Emori laughs loudly and then drinks when asked: out of the present here, in whose houses has she had sex. Bellamy and Miller both glare at Murphy who just winks at them mysteriously.

"Raven, truth or dare?" Clarke reads off of Murphy’s phone some time later.

"Truth," she says, and Clarke clicks on that option.

She clears her throat. "With how many partners of the people playing this game would you have sex?"

"Do exes count?" Raven asks the group. Echo looks off to the side, and Bellamy chokes on his beer.

"I would assume not," he offers.

"Don't worry Bellamy, I'm not planning on sleeping with you again," she says playfully, and Clarke instantly turns to Bellamy who clutches his heart dramatically, before laughing along with the rest of his friends.

“Okay, I’ve decided,” Raven announces after a few seconds. “My picks are,” she slaps her hands to her legs like a drum-roll: “Emori and Miller.”

Roan seems to be reading everyone’s mind. "Who's the ex in that situation?"

"Emori is," Raven says casually, causing Emori to burst out laughing. “I broke them up like half an hour ago,” she explains to the questioning faces.

"We’re still dating.” Murphy seems pissed off after Raven has been making jokes at his expense the entire night. “Stop trying to steal my girlfriend, it’s getting old," he tells Raven who only rolls her eyes.

“It’s a joke, John,” Emori reassures her boyfriend, leaning closer to him.

"Honestly, Raven, If I weren’t gay... who knows." Miller winks at her, tapping his boyfriend’s leg before he speaks up: "Clarke, truth or dare?"

Clarke wages her options. She’s not drunk enough to answer a question about sex in front of people she barely knows. And Bellamy.

"Dare," she decides.

"Spin around in circles for one minute, without stopping," Miller laughs as he reads. It's so childish and innocent so she does it, her dress slightly lifting as she spins. As if she wasn't dizzy enough from drinking wine and beer. The whole room is spinning when she sits back down on her chair.

"Bellamy, truth or dare?" Bryan asks, holding up Murphy’s phone.

"Dare."

Click.

"Spin the bottle and kiss whoever it lands on."

“What if it lands on a boy?” Emori asks.

“As if it would be the first time,” Murphy replies jokingly.

Bellamy smirks as he gets handed an empty water bottle, and he spins it on the table in the center of the room. Someone comments on how all the dares seem to be written by a seventh-grader. Clarke's head is still spinning when she notices the bottle pointing at her.

Miller lets out an uncharacteristically enthusiastic sound, and Bellamy glares at him for a second before he turns to Clarke. She holds her breath as he stares at her intently. She's aware the whole group is now looking at them, waiting to see what's going to happen.

"Is it Clarke or Miller?" Gaia asks, breaking the tension. "I can't see from here."

"It's Clarke," Echo tells her bitterly. Clarke doesn’t have time to dwell on why this girl doesn’t seem to like her.

"So, what's going to happen?" Raven asks Bellamy.

Bellamy is still staring at Clarke when he opens his mouth, and her heart skips a beat.

"Pass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. 
> 
> I never realized how slow this slow burn actually is. Oops. My bad, guys.
> 
> As always: for any comments or constructional criticism, you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com) \- where you can also check out the awful moodboards I made) or write down in the comments! My replies might be a bit awkward tho but that's because I get so excited when I read your messages that I forget how words work!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you're staying healthy and safe! :)


	9. Chapter 9

“Pass,” Bellamy finally says before he chugs the rest of his beer. Clarke's heart drops, and her vision blurs more.

"Ouch," she hears someone say, but her ears are ringing, and she can barely make out what the people are saying when they continue the game.

"Roan," Echo reads from the phone, "truth or dare?" But Clarke doesn't listen for the answer. She's aware Bellamy is still staring at her as she excuses herself and heads for the kitchen.

Clarke sits there, leaned on the kitchen table for some time, not sure why she’s feeling the way she is. She sniffs, pushing her loose hair out of her face. She can’t cry, she won’t cry, but she feels so pathetic. It was only supposed to be a stupid crush, so why is she still stuck pining after him after four years? And why is she on the verge of tears just because he didn’t want to kiss her during a stupid childish game?

"Hey," Clarke hears Bellamy’s deep voice. She can't bring herself to look at him.

"Clarke, I think we should talk." He sounds so formal. She’s been waiting to hear what he wanted to tell her since the morning and it turns out he wanted to reject her. She doesn’t need him to explain himself. It was stupid. She’s just being stupid, and this was just a game, she reminds herself.

“Don’t worry, we don’t have to talk about it.” Clarke knows she has no right to be mad or sad about this, but it still takes every bit of energy in her body to try smile at him.

“I think we do.”

“No, I get it, Bellamy. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“I think I do,” Bellamy insists with a chuckle. Can he really be this arrogant? Does he think she’s stupid? What was there not to understand? Message received; he doesn’t like her. No need to rub it in. Or spell it out. Let the girl have some dignity.

“Oh you do?” The words come out before she can stop them, her voice bitter. “Why? Isn’t it enough to leave it at this? But now you want to explain, so explain away, Bellamy.”

“Clarke, what-?” She watches him struggle to figure out what she means before falling silent, a confused expression on his face. She can feel him staring at her even as she looks away.

Clarke can hear the group laughing about something in the other room, so speaks in a lower tone, too afraid to raise her voice enough for others to hear: "You know, last year or- no, two years ago, I felt like we were finally getting over that rivalry or whatever I should call it," she says, staring at her hands in front of her. "I thought maybe we were becoming friends or whatever, and then suddenly you started avoiding me. You wouldn't properly talk to me for a year until last night. Can you explain what exactly happened there?”

“And then yesterday, I asked for a truce, and we suddenly became best fucking friends. I even thought there might have been something more between us, and I really thought you might have felt it too. But that’s just my mistake because I was _obviously_ wrong." Clarke finally looks up to face Bellamy, his expression unreadable.

"Is that what you want to talk about? Maybe explain how you actually didn’t mean to kiss me yesterday? And then how it’s only natural you won't do it again even for a dare now? Because _that part,_ that’s the only part that I can understand, Bellamy. You don’t have to explain that, but what I don’t understand-,” her voice breaks and her eyes dart back to her hands as she clenches her fist. Her thoughts are a mess, but she can’t cry. She won’t cry. “Why do you still hate me?"

"I don't hate you, Clarke. I already told you-" Bellamy reaches towards her, but she puts up her hand to stop him.

"Right,” she says sarcastically. “And you just decided to embarrass me in front of all your friends for what? For fun?"

"You don't understand."

"Then fucking enlighten me." Clarke crosses her arms, tilting her head.

Bellamy opens his mouth but closes it a second later, speechless. She watches his eyebrows furrow as he struggles to find the right words. "I just didn't want to kiss you like that again." That’s all he says.

"Like what?" She demands, her lower lip is trembling. She can’t cry. She won’t cry. "Was the kiss on the roof that bad?"

"Bad? No, Clarke," he says, then slowly and quietly adds: "Was it bad for you?"

"No. It wasn't," she tells Bellamy as she stands up and walks past him, ignoring him as he tries to call after her. She can’t stand in front of him and wait until he sums up the courage to officially reject her. How did she even think he might have liked her in the first place?

Back in the living room, Clarke takes her old seat. There’s some sort of argument going on between Roan, Emori, and Gaia, but once Clarke sits down, Raven turns her attention from wildly gesticulating Gaia and looks to Clarke.

“Hey, you okay, babe?” She whispers.

“Yeah,” Clarke replies quietly, trying her best to act natural and invested in the scene in front of them.

After a few minutes Bellamy rejoins the group, sitting back in his old seat next to Emori. Every time his eyes scan the room, his gaze skips across Clarke like she’s not right there in front of him. He only smiles briefly when Bryan leans in to whisper something to him. Clarke can’t help but wonder why the fuck is he upset?

“I’d choose immortality,” Murphy says, joining the heated discussion.

Gaia scoffs. “That’s not a superpower.”

“Fine,” he rolls his eyes. “Invincibility then.”

“Classic,” Roan calls.

“I’m just saying, reading other people’s thoughts is _the best_ superpower,” Gaia says again, causing an eruption of disagreement from her friends. “Just imagine what can you do with all the info, especially if others don’t know you have it.”

“I just think it’s creepy. Do you really wanna know what every guy on the street thinks of you?” Roan argues. “It’s almost as creepy as invisibility.”

Emori huffs, throwing her arms up in defense. “I just want to rob a bank and get away with it! I definitely don’t wanna go around peeping at other people.”

Clarke can see Raven roll her eyes and check the time on her phone. From the looks of it, she’s not the only person in the room who can’t wait for this discussion to be over: Miller is whispering something to Bryan, Echo is playing a game on her phone and Bellamy is just staring at the ceiling.

Clarke clears her throat. “I think the best superpower is time manipulation.” Every head in the room turns towards her almost instantly. Bellamy is the first to look away as if he suddenly remembers he should continue to stare at nothing. Echo sighs audibly before she brings her phone closer to her face.

Roan looks to Clarke with a delighted smile on his face. “Go ahead. Explain.”

“Wanna rob a bank? Stop the time, go in, take what you want, leave, and then unpause. It just makes the most sense,” Clarke tells Emori who nods along slowly. She turns to Roan and Gaia then. “Wanna cheat on a test? Or you’re late for class? Or just wanna sleep in? Stop the time and unpause when you’re ready.”

“Damn,” Miller and Gaia say at the same time.

“It seems like you’ve really thought about it,” Roan tells Clarke. “I like it,” He smiles and, for whatever reason, Clarke blushes. As she looks away, she catches Bellamy staring at Roan with an annoyed expression on his face. Before Clarke has time to give Bellamy’s reaction a second through, she’s torn away from her thoughts by Raven’s sudden burst of excitement.

“Well,” Raven claps her hands together happily, “it seems like Clarke has solved it for all of us. Can we go on now?” She asks the group before pointing to Gaia to call on the next person for the game.

Bryan gets to name a color and everyone wearing any clothing item of that color has to drink. He thinks for a while, carefully studying people around him. After a minute he picks black, and almost everybody in the room takes a sip of their drink, Bryan included.

Murphy picks dare and has to exchange shirts with Echo for two rounds. He stands up so they can go out and change, but Echo casually takes hers off in front of everyone and tosses it at him.

“Try not to stretch it,” she tells him casually. Clarke can’t help but glance at Bellamy’s reaction to shirtless Echo, but he’s just awkwardly staring at the beer bottle in his hands. Why does that make Clarke feel slightly better?

The game goes on, Echo refuses to answer yet another question about her sex life. Bellamy gets dared to lay under the coffee table and not speak to anyone for three rounds. Roan gets dared to do a handstand which he does with ease, although he had more than a couple of beers, earning a round of applause from his friends.

Echo chuckles before she reads a truth question for Emori: have you ever had a crush on two people at the same time? Emori looks to the people around her before telling everyone about two boys she had a crush on in kindergarten. Murphy asks if they were hotter than him and everyone laughs.

“Raven, truth or dare?” Murphy reads from his phone, looking hilarious in Echo’s green crop top which he’s definitely gonna stretch out.

“Truths are boring and you are all cowards. I choose dare.” Raven tells him, bringing the cup up to her lips.

“Go around the room and toast to every person playing the game.”

“No problem.” Raven turns to Clarke on her left, raising her glass in the air. “To Clarke: the second-best beer pong player in the room. You still have a lot to learn, but if we ever play doubles again, I’m picking you first.” The girls clink their glasses.

“I’d pick you first, too,” Clarke tells her after she takes a sip of wine.

“Of course you would,” Raven smiles cockily before she turns to Roan on her right side: “To Roan: you may cheat in beer pong, but other than that you’re okay. Also please don’t ever speak about superpowers, we all know you’ve got superhuman strength anyway.”

“Are they all going to be about beer pong?” Bryan asks in a stage whisper and Clarke chuckles.

Raven stands up wobbly. She’s passed by Gaia’s empty seat, standing in front of Echo when Murphy stops her.

“Hey! No shortcuts!” Murphy protests and from the corner of her eye Clarke catches Bellamy squirm beneath the table. For a moment she swears she could feel his burning gaze on her skin. When she finally glances to check, her heart bursting out of her chest, their eyes meet for the briefest moment before he rolls to the other side.

“What are you talking about?”

“You skipped Gaia,” Murphy points out.

“She’s not in the room,” Raven says, mocking his tone.

“It doesn’t say ‘toast to every person in the room’, it clearly says ‘toast to every person playing the game and she is still playing the game, she’s just in the bathroom.” Murphy shows the screen to everyone with a smug expression on his face. This must be his revenge for all of the jokes Raven made at his expense tonight.

Raven crosses her arms on her chest. “Okay, in that case I’ll just pick ‘pass’ and drink the rest of my wine. Is that okay with you?”

“No. You already accepted the dare, can’t stop now.” Murphy says with a smug grin on his face. “Those are the rules.”

“Those are your stupid rules!” Raven protests, “And Roan did the same thing as me last round!”

“Hey!” He objects.

“Can’t she just toast to everyone else and then go back to Gaia once she comes out of the bathroom?” They hear Bellamy’s deep voice from under the table.

“You’re not supposed to be talking,” Murphy tells him.

Miller rolls his eyes at his friend. “Bellamy’s right.”

“No,” Murphy insists firmly, “she has to wait.”

Raven’s mouth falls open. “How’d you get to be such a dick, Murphy?”

“John, it doesn’t say Raven has to toast people in any particular order,” Emori points out and all their friends agree.

“Traitor,” Murphy hisses at his girlfriend as he scoots away from her. “If you nobody except me cares about the rules anymore, then she can ‘pass’,” he says angrily, folding his arms on his chest. “But don’t expect me to follow the rules then either.”

“I’m perfectly fine with that,” Raven tells him before eagerly making her way back to her seat. She drinks the rest of the wine in her glass and then pours some more, both to her and to Clarke next to her.

Murphy rolls his eyes and leans back in his seat in defiance. But his anger only lasts for a short time because the next time Clarke looks at them, a minute later, he’s making out on the couch with Emori.

Miller picks truth but is reluctant to answer who he thinks is the funniest person in the room. He stares at the faces of his friends for too long. “The trouble is,” he starts, scratching his stubble, “I know exactly what the answer is but I don’t want to give that person the satisfaction.” After a couple of minutes he finally downs his drink, choosing not to answer.

When it’s Clarke’s turn she picks dare again.

“The person next to you has to read the last text message in your phone out loud to the entire room,” Roan tells her. Without much thinking Clarke slips her phone out of her pocket, unlocks it and hands it to Raven. The brown-haired girl graciously accepts. She clears her throat and then she stops herself, shoving Clarke her phone back.

“That’s a pass. Drink up, sweetie,” she urges.

Clarke’s first guess is that maybe Finn actually sent her something after all missed calls from last night. It wouldn’t be the first time in the last few months that he sent her full paragraphs, asking for a second chance, or just trying to explain himself again. Nobody wants to hear Finn Collins’ pathetic attempts at sounding romantic so it makes sense that Raven would want to spare her friends that. But then Clarke sees the actual text Raven had opened and her stomach twists.

Clarke texted her mom back the first thing in the morning, she wished all of her friends a happy new year over their Whatsapp group chat, and while she sat in the diner with Octavia, she sent Wells a nice message on Instagram. There’s only one person Clarke had actually ‘texted’ after Abby: Harper. And the lest text read:

‘ _stop worrying. I just didn't see_ _h_ _er_ _much_ _l_ _ast night. I slept with Bellamy_ _’_

“Raven, that’s not-,” Clarke turns to tell her friend but Raven mimes zipping her lips, turning a lock, and throwing away the key before she hands her another full glass of wine. So, instead of explaining the situation, Clarke accepts the drink and the game goes on.

More than half an hour later, Clarke’s sitting in Roan’s lap because it was a dare and drawing a wolf on his arm because he asked her to. They’re laughing about her hand shaking and his drunken rambling when she realizes the game of truth, dare or drink is probably over. There wasn’t an ‘official announcement’ like at the beginning of the game, but half the people went to get more drinks from the kitchen and haven’t been back in a while, Murphy’s now topless and laughing hysterically about something with Emori and Echo on the couch, and Bellamy is just staring weirdly ahead of him. The game definitely won’t go on.

Suddenly Bellamy stands up with an irritated sigh that catches both Clarke’s and Raven’s attention. He makes his way toward the kitchen, walking right past Clarke and Roan without acknowledging their presence as if they’re not there.

Raven and Clarke’s eyes meet for a second and Clarke can see the trouble in her friend’s eyes. She jumps up, grabbing the brown-haired girl’s arm, and blocking her attempt to go after Bellamy.

“I just want to ask him who the fuck does he think he is,” Raven tells her fiercely. “He can’t treat you like _that_.”

She shakes her head. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw the message Clarke, remember? He can’t fuck you one day, flirt with you _the entire night_ and then suddenly pass on a dare and act like you don’t exist,” her friend tells her. “Don’t worry, I won’t _punch_ him. I just have to see what the fuck is wrong with him.”

“ _What_ is happening?” Emori slips between them.

Raven opens her mouth to respond, but Clarke shoots her a look. “Let’s talk somewhere else,” she suggests to the girls.

“The roof?” Raven asks.

“Sure.”

“As much as I’m loving this drama, can anybody tell me what’s going on? What’s this secret meeting about?” Emori asks once the girls are out on the fire escape staircases, halfway up to the roof. “And what is so secret that we have to be outside, freezing in the snow, while we discuss it?” The girl asks as she hugs her coat closer to her body, and continues climbing.

“Let’s just say I owe you ten bucks,” Raven tells her, still visibly pissed off.

Emori swings around on her heels to face them. “No way, Clarke!” She screams excitedly. She doesn’t seem like the kind of girl that would scream excitedly, Clarke thinks.

“Wait, so why are you angry? I thought we wanted this,” Emori looks to Raven behind Clarke.

“Wait. You bet on us sleeping together?” Clarke turns to Raven but from the corner of the eye she can see Emori’s jaw drop.

“No!” Raven insists and then her face turns uncertain once they’re standing on the roof. “Well, not necessarily.”

“You had sex?” Emori asks eagerly.

Raven clears her throat. “Emori bet me that you and Bellamy were already together and I said you’ll hook up tonight. The definition of hooking up is very vague,” she trails off.

“I can’t believe this.” Clarke covers her burning face with her hands, and leans back on the railing behind her.

“Come on, Clarke, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve been there. Bellamy’s hot,” Raven reassures her. “Even though he’s a piece of shit apparently.”

“I swear we’re just friends,” Clarke mumbles. How funny that the ‘friends’ part is also questionable at the moment.

“I’d even say _‘close_ friends’,” Emori says, grinning from ear to ear.

“I didn’t sleep with him,” Clarke tells the girls firmly. “I mean I _slept_ with him. In his bed. But we didn’t have sex.”

Raven and Emori exchange glances. Raven thinks for a second before she speaks: “Maybe that’s for the best, he does have an unusually small penis.”

“What?” Clarke asks before she can contain herself at the same time as Emori yells: “Oh my god!”

Emori presses the subject more, asking why her friend didn’t tell her that before and if she can tell Murphy but Raven doesn’t answer straight away, she tilts her head as she carefully studies Clarke’s beet-red face for a couple of seconds.

“Alright, I believe you didn’t sleep with him.” The two girls stare at her in confusion. “That was a test, okay? But what you just described can’t be all that happened? I mean you two were flirting the entire night and then he started acting weird all of a sudden?”

Emori nods a couple of times in agreement. “Yeah, yeah, I totally agree that Bellamy has been off lately, even John said it yesterday and all that...,” she waves her hand dismissively, “but before we get to that, just tell me: _how_ small?”

“It was a joke,” Raven tells Emori who frowns in disappointment. “It definitely gets the job done,” she says cheekily as she winks to Clarke.

Clarke chuckles, her face still burning up. “Anyway,” she says, eager to change the subject. “You bet on us hooking up?”

“Honestly, John said he thought you and Bellamy hooked up before because he was totally absent-minded when he finally came down to the party last night, acting strange and staring at you from afar. I swear I didn’t believe him at first, but then I saw the way he looked at you during beer pong, and I was sold.”

“Our boy’s got it bad,” Raven agrees. “But just a heads up: I might still punch him tonight. What the fuck is he thinking?”

Clarke shrugs.

“Also, I’m really sorry if the bet made you uncomfortable, it was stupid and we never meant for you to hear about it and-”

Clarke didn’t know what to think about first. Bellamy and she flirted. Everybody saw them flirt, she wasn’t crazy and reading too much into an ordinary friendly conversation. Murphy noticed Bellamy acting strange last night just after she and Bellamy had kissed. Bellamy passed on kissing her tonight so they fought. Kind of. Bellamy and she slept together last night but nothing happened. Nothing happened. But they did kiss last night at midnight. They also almost kissed once tonight. This is all too much.

“When did you bet on it?”

“A few minutes before truth or dare, I think. But it was really just a stupid joke, nobody even cares about the money,” Raven assures her.

Clarke looks to Emori. “So after you- when we were-” she doesn’t finish her sentence. She doesn’t need to.

“Yeah,” the girl admits, shrugging.

Raven watches the exchange in front of her, not understanding what’s going on she asks: “What am I missing?”

“I’m a really good actress, and I also kinda cheated on our bet,” Emori confesses. “I saw Bellamy and Clarke kiss in the hallway like a minute before you told me you think they’ll hook up. I couldn’t _not_ take that bet.”

Clarke’s head hurts from trying to put all the pieces together. Also from beer. And wine. Don’t mix different kinds of alcohol, kids.

“We didn’t kiss,” Clarke says to herself, her voice almost a whisper.

Raven bursts at Emori. “You could’ve just told me what you saw!”

“It’s not as fun as winning a bet though,” Emori laughs. “You wanna pay me now or later or-?”

“We didn’t kiss,” Clarke says again, this time louder.

“Oh come on, Clarke.” Emori turns to her. “I’m not an idiot. I do believe you didn’t sleep with him but I saw you two in the hallway, you were inches apart.”

She shakes her head. “No, he changed his mind when you walked out.”

“So now you’re telling me you didn’t even kiss?” Emori asks, suspiciously. Raven shrugs at her as they exchange glances. From the corner of her eye, Clarke sees Raven crack her knuckles dramatically as if she’s getting ready for a fight.

“No.” Clarke leans back her head. Everything around her is spinning. “I mean we did kiss once before, but not this time. I really thought he was going to kiss me again. And I really wanted to kiss him. But I guess he changed his mind after we were interrupted, I don’t know.” Clarke was never a big sharer and she definitely didn’t plan on sharing all of this, but it felt like she’s just thinking out loud. The audience didn’t change much, it only made her realize how stupid she was for barely even admitting to herself the crush she had on Bellamy. What was the point of hiding and denying everything for years if it’s all gonna end like this? With her, drunk on the roof, on the verge of tears again and them not speaking to each other again for god-only-knows how long.

When Clarke doesn’t hear any reaction from Emori and Raven, she looks back at them but the two girls are staring at something off to Clarke’s left side. Someone.

It’s like the time moves differently. Clarke sees him at the top of the stairs. And then he’s standing in front of her, looking slightly tired but still wearing that expression Clarke can’t figure out. His nose is red from the cold, and his shoulders are covered in snowflakes.

She doesn’t even see Emori and Raven leave the roof, all of a sudden Bellamy and Clarke are all alone, and eerie silence fills the cold air.

How much did he hear from what she just said? Why is he here? Is he going to say something?

“So, you’re just going to not talk to me for another year now?” Clarke asks him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I promise the next one won't end with a cliffhanger.  
> Also, I hate miscommunication as a plot device, but the story needed some more drama before we wrap up, though that's probably not a good enough reason haha :)
> 
> Anyway, the next update is on Wednesday, and then I might just wait an entire week to post the final chapter. The main reason for that is the fact that I've been putting off writing the last two chapters for such a long time now because I was developing some new ideas for more bellarke fanfiction. I have ideas for two bellarke fanfics: one shorter and more fun, and one probably slightly longer than this one and perhaps more dramatic (possibly a soulmate au).  
> As always: for any comments or constructional criticism, you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com) \- where you can also check out the awful moodboards I made) or write down in the comments!  
> Thank you so much! I hope you're staying healthy and safe!♥


	10. Chapter 10

Timing was never Bellamy’s thing. It was the one thing he struggled with the most. Just when he managed to get transferred into the gifted program at elementary school, Octavia’s dad died, and although Bellamy was only seven at the time, he had to take on a lot of duties around the house, couldn’t keep up with the extra work, and within two weeks he was dropped out of the program. They told him there must’ve been some kind of mistake. It took him years to learn to balance taking care of Octavia and helping around the house with his school assignments.

After he kissed a girl for the first time, at thirteen, he got grounded over some stupid thing Octavia did, and he couldn’t see her for two months during summer break. She found another boyfriend in the meantime.

His freshman year in high school, Bellamy broke his arm the first week. It happened just after lacrosse tryouts, and although he made the team, he couldn’t play for months until his arm finally healed.

But consistently the worst timing Bellamy had with Clarke. If it wasn’t so frustrating, it would be fascinating.

That New Year’s Eve Bellamy was, for the first time in his life, late to his own party. If it weren’t for Roma and all of her friends who had insisted on going out for a couple of drinks after the last lecture of the year, Bellamy would have made it just in time to greet his sister and her friend when they arrived from Arkadia. But these girls were insufferable, they insisted and insisted until he finally ran out of all excuses and gave in. It was only supposed to be a couple of beers, but somehow he found himself sitting at a bar at almost 10 pm on a New Year’s Eve while the party at his apartment was in full blast.

As soon as he realized what time it was, Bellamy jumped up from his seat and muttered goodbyes to the girls before squeezing his way through the crowded bar. The girls were not thrilled he was leaving, especially Roma who tried to pull him back and make him stay longer. It was no secret she liked him, and although Bellamy enjoyed flirting with her at times, feelings were not reciprocated.

He ran until he reached his apartment. There were more people inside than he remembered inviting. He first bumped into Octavia and Lincoln and talked to them for a moment until Octavia pulled her boyfriend away somewhere. This was expected from his sister so Bellamy wasn’t surprised.

The next person he saw was Miller who rushed to him to apologize for inviting Echo to the party. By that point, Bellamy already had a couple of drinks, so he was only slightly annoyed by the possibility of bumping into his ex at his own apartment. To be completely unbothered he needed another beer, so he set off into the kitchen. That’s when he saw her.

Clarke was sitting with Raven and Murphy on the high chairs in the kitchen, laughing hysterically about something as Murphy wiped fake tears from his face. Her cheeks were flushed, presumably from the alcohol, and her hair was falling into her eyes, but she was even more beautiful and radiating than he remembered. Bellamy’s heart almost jumped out of his body. This was not expected.

Bellamy no longer needed a beer. He needed air. And a quiet place to think.

As he stood on the roof, smoking, he thought about Clarke, and then she unexpectedly appeared in front of him, wrapped in a white scarf, looking even more beautiful from up close. He was nervous, and it seemed like everything will go just as badly as every interaction they had in the last year that ended in them screaming at each other, but he was also so tired of fighting, and he couldn’t believe it when she proposed the truce.

Before the truce, he was quick to say he had been hiding from Echo, which was only half-true. Since they broke up on January 1st of last year, their relationship went through a couple of different awkward phases, and they were actually even kind of friends now. Or, to be more precise, he and Echo tolerated each other while she became friends with most of his close friends. So him going to the roof to avoid Echo, though was partly true (because let’s face it, nobody wants to bump into their ex when they didn’t plan for it) is not the entire story. But Bellamy had no intention of telling Clarke the whole truth, not until after she proposed the truce, and after he kissed her.

Time moved differently when he was with her that night. He felt like they spent days on that roof, just the two of them, away from the rest of the world. But, at the same time, it felt like only a few seconds passed by.

And then it was midnight.

“You taste like chocolate,” she told him adorably after he had kissed her. Their faces were inches apart, her blue eyes linked with his, carefully studying them.

'You have no idea how long I wanted to do this,' Bellamy wanted to say but something inside stopped him. An alarm went off in his head: she was drunk, it’s was midnight, he wasn’t thinking straight, and now he might’ve fucked everything up.

“I shouldn’t have done this,” he told her without much thinking about his phrasing. Then Miller called him, and he apologized and left. He fucking left her alone on the roof. He left right after he kissed her. He didn’t even realize how dumb it was until he saw her later, back in his apartment, sitting with Raven and Emori at the other side of the room. He should’ve gone over there, apologized, explained, done literally anything. But no. He stood in his place, drank his beer, and he stared at her from afar. She was beautiful.

In a weird way, Bellamy was thankful Clarke’s ex had called her at 4 am. If he hadn’t, Bellamy would’ve slept on the floor the entire night, and his back would’ve hurt the next day. Instead, Clarke woke up and invited him to sleep next to her on the bed, like it was a normal thing. Even after he laid down, Bellamy’s head was still spinning like crazy, and he was afraid she might notice his heart beating unusually loud and fast, so he came up with any excuse for why he’s still awake. 

The idea to go to the diner was, admittedly, insane. He never expected her to say yes. 

Watching Clarke sit across from him, in a booth of his favorite diner, wearing his favorite hoodie, made him realize what a part of him knew since the moment he saw her tonight: his feelings were back. _The feelings_ from two years ago. The ones that made him break up with Echo.

He first realized he had to break up with Echo on Friday the week before Christmas, two years ago.

Clarke was at their house that night, and she and Octavia somehow roped Bellamy into playing Risk with them until three in the morning. He was supposed to go to Echo’s that night, he’s barely seen her in weeks because he was so often coaxed into spending Friday nights hanging out with his sister and her best friend. The weekend before that one, Bellamy found out Clarke had never seen the Godfather, and he insisted all of them watch all three movies in one sitting. Octavia was snoring by the end of the first movie, Bellamy was out halfway through the second one, but he woke up sometime before the end to find Clarke and Octavia asleep and curled up on the couch next to him. The movie was still playing, but instead of waking them up, he turned it off and went back to sleep.

That Friday before Christmas, he drove Clarke home at 3 am, and at one point Clarke turned up the stereo when it played his favorite song. And when he stopped in front of her house, Clarke leaned back in her seat comfortably and complained about an art paper she had to write because she laughed when her teacher told them Warhol was a genius.

“I’m not sure if I like him or not,” she told Bellamy before reaching for the stereo again and pushing some buttons just to see what they do.

“Andy Warhol?” Bellamy chuckled at her. He definitely didn’t expect to be discussing one of the biggest artists at 3:15 in the morning with Clarke in his car. “I can bet he doesn’t like you back.”

“I’m serious,” she insisted, but her lips curled as she continued her speech. “Part of the theory behind Warhol’s work is that he took easily reproducible consumer images and screen-printed them many times over, labeling the result as art, and thus making a comment on how we regard the symbols in our society. But he himself wanted to become a symbol in society. He’s regarded in art history as the first artist who became a celebrity in his own lifetime, and thus he became part of the same mass media he critiqued.”

“ _Thus_ ,” Bellamy teased, but Clarke rolled her eyes and continued.

“People always like to dismiss modern art as simplistic. Everyone always says ‘I could’ve made that’ and the comeback is usually, ‘yeah, but you didn’t.' But of course you didn’t. Why would you? I can’t decide if it’s 'art' or not,” Clarke sighed in frustration. Bellamy noticed a crease form between her eyebrows. “It’s just like that goddamn banana tapped to a wall. It is both a funny critique of the absurdities of art and capitalism, but it’s also a part of that problem.” 

Bellamy nodded in agreement. “It also sucks that someone spent an absurd amount of money on a banana that will be rotten compost in like, two weeks, tops,” he said.

Clarke beamed at him. “Exactly!”

He laughed, fascinated by her. “It’s 3 am. How do you still have this much energy? Isn’t it past you bed time?”

“Ha-ha,” Clarke replied sarcastically, focusing her eyes on the car stereo. “I don’t really sleep much at night anymore,” she added quietly.

“Is it because of your dad?” Bellamy asked before he could stop himself. This was absolutely breaking his own rules and crossing the line. He wasn’t supposed to ask her anything personal.

Instead of answering, Clarke just nodded and leaned back in the passenger seat. She stared through the windshield at her house. Bellamy wasn’t sure what to do, he thought about apologizing, but he figured it would only make it more awkward. So instead, he did the same thing as her and stared ahead of him. The porch light was on, but he figured there probably wasn’t anyone home. He studied the gorgeous facade, the bright red flowers on every window still, and the neatly mowed lawn. He couldn’t imagine ever living in a house that big and luxurious. He wondered how it felt growing up in such a home, but not having any siblings to share the enormous yard with.

“Can I hear that song again?” Clarke asked after some time, sounding like she’s trying her hardest not to cry, and Bellamy plugged in his phone on the aux and played the song on repeat until she was ready to go in.

This Clarke he saw in the car that night was not the same girl he saw rummaging through his cupboards, years before, dressed up like she’s attending a fundraiser gala instead of a small party hosted in his stuffy living room. That Clarke was an entitled, uptight brat- exactly the kind of person that Bellamy hated the most. This Clarke was so much different. She wasn’t high and mighty, she was down to earth, thoughtful, and she sometimes made him laugh at the stupidest things. He could talk with her for days. She could kick his ass in Risk even when she was barely trying. And, apparently, she had good taste in music.

It was such a stupid little gesture: the first time she reached to turn up the volume on his favorite song, but it took over Bellamy’s mind entirely. As he drove home alone, he kept replaying the moment she did it, her hand reaching for the volume at the same time as his, and their hands just barely touching at that moment.

“I love this song,” she had said with a smile on her face.

He tried to keep his eyes on the road, but the streets were empty, and Clarke was right next to him, singing the lyrics to his favorite song, and it was mesmerizing. He was so fucked.

Once he parked in his driveway, he remembered to check his phone. It was almost 4 am and he had five missed calls from Echo and ten text messages. He was double fucked. He couldn’t string Echo along anymore, she didn’t deserve it. But somehow, he couldn’t find a way or an excuse to break up with her before New Year’s Eve.

That New Year’s Eve they fought, even before the party at Miller’s had started. They both knew it wasn’t going to last much longer, but instead of breaking up with Echo right there, Bellamy went back home. A stupid fucking decision, really. If you want to break up with your girlfriend because you might be in love with another girl, don’t just leave mid-fight to hang out with the girl you like because you might do something stupid, just like Bellamy almost did.

January 1st Bellamy and Echo went out to get coffee, and he broke up with her, but it was too late. Clarke had hooked up with Finn the night before, although nobody knew where that relationship would lead. From then Bellamy avoided her because every time he saw her, he thought how shitty of him it was to almost cheat on his now ex-girlfriend. Even after Clarke had broken up with Finn, any relationship between her and Bellamy was gone. It was like they were strangers again. Only it was worse.

After their kiss on the roof, Bellamy thought about kissing Clarke again as they walked back to his apartment from the diner, bickering playfully about the most irrelevant things. He thought about kissing her before they reached his building, and once they were standing in front of his locked doors. And then again, when they faced each other in the darkness of his bedroom. He almost told her everything just before she had fallen asleep, but it felt wrong. So, instead, but still in the spirit of honesty, he told her the secret about the song that he played to her on the roof.

As he was falling asleep, Bellamy swore to himself that he’ll tell Clarke everything in the morning, but then the morning came and he was interrupted mid-sentence. Every chance he got, later on, every time he wanted to tell her, every moment they were alone, they were interrupted.

Bellamy couldn’t decide what was worse: Echo arriving and making things awkward by wishing him a happy anniversary of their breakup in front of Clarke. Or Emori, simply walking out of the bathroom and interrupting them the moment he leaned in to kiss Clarke.

He couldn’t blame either of the girls, though. Not even Echo. Clarke was the reason Bellamy broke up with her a year ago, and Echo knew it because she had asked him, months after the breakup, when they somehow found themselves sitting on the floor in Murphy’s room while the rest of their friends partied in the other room.

She asked why and because he was drunk, Bellamy was unable to think of a lie, so he told her the entire story.

“I fucking knew it,” was all that Echo said.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Bellamy told her. It was a little too late for apologies, but he still felt like shit for almost cheating on her. “I am so so sorry,” he kept repeating, but she just got up and left. She didn’t show up to group hangouts for two weeks, and when she finally came back, she had a new boyfriend.

The scene in the kitchen after he ‘passed’ on kissing Clarke left Bellamy feeling very confused. He didn’t know what to think anymore. He previously thought he was doing the right thing, but Clarke seemed upset, and Bellamy couldn’t figure it out. Why didn’t she let him explain? How could she think he hated her? As these questions racked his brain, he didn’t make eye contact with her throughout the rest of the game of truth or dare. And then the game was over, and suddenly Clarke was sitting right in front of him, giggling about something with Roan, and he couldn’t take it. So he left. He needed a beer anyway.

“Hey, Bellamy,” Miller said once Bellamy entered the kitchen, waving him over to the table where he was sitting with Bryan and Gaia. “What the fuck was that?” He asked once Bellamy was standing in front of him. All three pairs of eyes stared at him, waiting for an explanation.

Bellamy’s first reaction was just shock. “What?”

“What was that during the first round of truth or dare?” Bryan then questioned, clarifying what his boyfriend had meant. “Why didn’t you kiss Clarke, man? We all wanna know.”

Why was this a topic the three of them were discussing? 

“Uhm, why?” Bellamy asked, after nervously running his fingers through his hair to buy some time. 

“Because it was shitty of you to pass on her like that,” Gaia said, folding her arms on her chest. “I don’t get it Blake, she’s a cute girl. And I’ve seen you kiss Miller before during a stupid game like this.”

“And Murphy,” Bryan added.

The three pairs of eyes were still staring at Bellamy impatiently. How was he supposed to explain everything to them? He wasn’t even sure for himself what was going on.

“This is different,” he said, shrugging.

“How? It’s a game, Blake!” Gaia demanded. She seemed to be the most pissed off out of the three. “Bryan and I kissed, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even like me like that,” she added, more jokingly.

“Gaia’s right,” Bryan told Bellamy. Then he turned to Gaia and continued to speak, trying to sound serious, but just sounding like he was going to burst out laughing any second. “I should have told you. I can’t be with you, I’m in love with someone else. In fact he’s sitting right here. I’m so sorry,” his voice broke at the last part, and both he and Gaia started laughing.

Miller rolled his eyes and stood up, dragging Bellamy away from the table. “Ignore half of what they just said, I think they’re too drunk to take this seriously,” he said. ”Gaia’s got a point. And you like Clarke. She probably likes you back since she flirted with you the entire fucking day. So, unless you fucked it up already by choosing ‘pass’ instead of just kissing her like a normal person, you should go right now and fix it.”

Miller never talked about things like this with Bellamy. Although they were best friends for years, the two of them rarely spoke about their love lives or anything too private for that matter. Miller seemed to be the kind of guy that didn’t care enough to know about other people’s dramas, and he definitely didn’t want others to know anything about his own. His need to comment on this really stunned Bellamy.

“Look, I get what you’re saying, but this is more complicated than that. She has this thing about-,” Bellamy started. He was about to explain the whole situation, but Miller just stared at him, his face blank as if he wasn’t even listening. So Bellamy closed his mouth, letting his best friend speak instead.

“It’s really not that complicated,” Miller explained. “From what I gathered from today, you think that not kissing her proved you like her, right?” Bellamy nodded. “Right. That’s so unbelievably stupid, dude!”

Bellamy frowned before he took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure what to think anymore. On one hand, he believed he was doing the right thing at the time, but on the other, Clarke did seem upset after his choice. Was Miller actually right?

”You should’ve just kissed her.”

“But you don’t understand-,” Bellamy was still trying to explain himself, but Miller had lost his patience by that point.

“Yeah, and I also don’t care,” his friend cut him off, grabbed him by the shoulders and sighed, before continuing: “I’m just trying to tell you what I saw. Now it’s on you if you wanna fix it or not.”

He nodded. “I do.”

“Cool. Do it then. I couldn’t care less.” Miller said coldly, but before Bellamy left the kitchen, he caught his friend smiling to himself before sitting back down with Bryan and Gaia.

Bellamy had no actual plan, only a crazy amount of adrenaline, when he came back to the living room to try to talk to Clarke, but he quickly learned she wasn’t there. He asked around and nobody knew where Clarke was, only Echo pointed out Roan was in Bellamy’s bedroom. Trying not to think about what he could be walking in on, he burst open his bedroom doors. Roan was sitting on the floor by the bed, speaking to someone on his phone. He looked up at Bellamy confused.

“Where’s Clarke?” Bellamy asked, his chest rising and falling with rapid breaths.

The guy shrugged. “No idea,” he said and then after a moment he added: “I think she left with Raven and Emori.”

“Left?” Bellamy asked. “Left where?”

“Outside?” Roan offered, anxious to finish the conversation. “Through the window I think?” 

Bellamy didn’t know what to expect when he climbed the staircases leading up to the roof. He still had no plan, he just knew he had to see Clarke. He was hoping the inspiration would struck him as soon as he lays his eyes on her, and he was halfway up when he heard her voice and his whole body froze for a second. She was talking about their kiss. 

Once Bellamy reached the roof, it felt like he entered another dimension. Until a moment ago, he could hear the muffled music coming from the apartment downstairs. But now there was only silence. And it was deafening.

There were Raven and Emori, standing close to each other, both staring at Bellamy with their arms folded on their chests. His eyes flew across from them, searching the snow-covered roof until they landed on an elegant blonde figure to his right. At the moment he noticed her, she turned to face him, and his heart skipped a beat. If the two girls said anything as they squeezed by him to get down the stairs, Bellamy didn’t hear them. He was too busy looking at Clarke, waiting for her to say something.

“So you’re just going to not talk to me for another year, now?” Clarke asks him.

Quietly, he takes another step closer to her. He’s not sure when he makes the decision to do so, but suddenly he’s stepping into her personal space, not taking his eyes off of her as he does it. He half-expects her to back away or to slap him, but she keeps her ground, her blue eyes locked on his.

“Bellamy?” Clarke whispers, looking up at him, but before she can say anything else, he leans in and places a gentle kiss on her lips. He’s already pulling away when their eyes meet for the briefest moment.

He gulps, dropping his gaze onto her red lips for a second when her hands slide up, around his neck, and then she’s pulling him into another kiss. His head is spinning, his eyes are shut, and he’s kissing her back with all the desperation that’s been building inside of him for two years. A groan escapes his throat as she opens her mouth, and her tongue flickers against his. She presses harder against him, her hand tangled in his hair, and he wraps his arms around her waist, letting her melt into him. He never wanted anyone like this before.

When they finally break away, he doesn’t go far. He studies her face and her twinkling eyes for another moment before finally speaking up: “Apparently I was so unbelievably stupid and I didn’t even know it,” he tells her softly, only half-joking. “How about we start again?”

“What do you mean?” She asks, her face is still only inches away from his.

“Like this.” He takes a step back, clearing his throat and straightening his posture. “I swear to be completely honest with you. And this time, I promise I won't leave out the important stuff.”

“I don't think I understand,” she says.

So, without much stalling, he tells her how much he likes her, how he had a crush on her since two years ago when he started driving her home at night alone. He tells her how he so badly wanted to kiss her that year on New Year’s Eve, and he even went outside around midnight to find her. How it wasn’t until he saw her kiss Finn and his phone started to ring that he realized what he was about to do, what he wanted to do but luckily didn’t get a chance. And how even after he finally broke up with Echo, he still felt bad every time he saw Clarke. But it’s not like it mattered because she had Finn. Until she didn’t. But by then, it was too late.

By the time he gets to last night and the fun they had, sneaking out at 4 am, and hanging out in ‘their’ diner, Clarke’s face is red and puffy, but she’s smiling. He has so much more to say, but he concludes by saying how he never planned on waiting this long to tell her everything.

“So you didn't kiss me because you didn't want to do it in front of Echo,” she sniffs, nodding her head like she understood. 

How was she not getting this? It isn’t about Echo at all.

“That's not it,” Bellamy tells her, furrowing his eyebrows, reaching towards her. “I don’t care what she thinks.” 

Clarke takes a step back. “So what happened then? Because of O? Because of others?” Her lips are trembling as she asks this, and he wants to wrap her in a hug and comfort her. But he can’t. Not yet.

He chuckles, feeling slightly embarrassed all of a sudden. “Remember what you told me when I asked you about Gina?”

She giggles like she wasn’t expecting this question. “Uhm, I don’t know,” she shrugs. “‘Go for it’, maybe?”

“There was this thing you said, something about making sure she knows how I feel first otherwise it's just a shortcut-”

“Oh my god, Bellamy,” Clarke says, covering her hand with her mouth, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

“-and I've already taken my shortcut with you at midnight. I thought taking that dare would have been another shortcut. And I wanted you to know how I actually feel first.”

“Wow, I don't care about that, Bellamy,” she tells him, laughing. “I was sixteen, half-drunk and pretending to have any idea what I was talking about, all because I wanted to seem cool and smart.”

Bellamy looks at her confused.

“Because I was an idiot and I had a crush on you,” she admits.

He tilts his head, his lips curling into a smile.“You had a crush on me?”

“Very much so, yes,” she nods her head, her cheeks burning.

“That makes sense,” Bellamy smirks at her and she huffs, hitting him playfully on the arm. “You know,” he starts, bowing his head as his cheeks turn red, “I almost wanted to ask you what your favorite song is so I can play it to you tonight before I kissed you at midnight. Because that’s all what you suggested I do with Gina.”

“I can’t believe how much of a dork you actually are,” she beams at him.

“Yeah,” he rolls his eyes. “Anyway, that's my side of the story. I think that's all, but I'll keep you posted in case I remember anything else.” Bellamy promises and she nods.“Now lets go back to that thing you said: you had a crush on me then?” He asks, his voice excited.

“I was probably low-key in love with you since my freshman year.”

“Oh, wow, Clarke, I said I like you and you think you might be in love with me. That's clingy.” He says, grinning at her.

“I know,” she shrugs. “I guess it is a bit crazy.”

“It's not crazy,” he winks at her. “A little pathetic maybe.” Her mouth drops open in surprise, but before she can respond he wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her into another kiss, this one slower, softer. He could feel her smile against her lips.

He could get used to this.

“I’m definitely in love with you too,” he tells once he pulls away, her forehead resting against hers. He tells her this because it’s the truth. He really is. And this time he doesn’t have to hide it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we're nearing the end of this fic, I just want to thank everybody for the support. Your comments mean so much to me, I usually get so excited jump around the house for half an hour after I read them. ♥
> 
> As always: for any comments or constructional criticism, you can reach out to me on tumblr ([gansxythethird](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com) \- where you can also check out the awful moodboards I made) or write down in the comments!  
> Thank you so much! I hope you're staying healthy and safe! See you next Wednesday for the final chapter!♥


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a long time coming. I'm so thankful for all the comments and kudos you guys left me, it means so much. ♥  
> The chapter in front of you might be a bit clunky or awkward at times, and we have only my writer's block to thank for that. That being said, I hope you still enjoy!

“My brother is freaking out,” Octavia’s voice on Clarke’s full voicemail said. “You were supposed to be here before eight. Please tell me you’re coming soon.”

That was sent an hour and a half ago.

“Bellamy told me to say that he’s not freaking out, as I so falsely put it. Instead, he’s merely expressing concern for your safety and whereabouts,” Octavia said on a voicemail that was sent an hour ago.

“Is that okay with you?” She asked someone off the phone. There was a pause as the other person responded, and then Octavia spoke into the microphone again: “I, on the other hand, _am_ totallyfreaking out. Where the fuck are you, Clarke?”

Clarke’s footsteps echoed against the wet pavement. She swore under her breath as she stepped into another puddle, and it splashed everywhere. Her left foot was soaked, but Clarke didn’t let that slow her down. She continued running as fast as her legs took her until she could see the white tall building in the distance. Only then she let herself decelerate.

She caught her reflection in the shop window as she walked by. Her mascara was running and, thanks to the wind and the rain, her hair was completely messed up too. It’s not like it looked so much better when Clarke left her apartment, but the fact that she didn’t have much time to get ready was her fault in the first place.

Clarke felt like the worst person in the world, showing up two hours late to a New Year’s Eve party and then also looking like a complete mess. She could understand why others would be pissed off and leave her as many messages as they did, and she was probably even more pissed off at herself than they were. If only she hadn’t put her phone on ‘do not disturb’. But nobody could’ve predicted she wouldn’t notice six hours passing by in a blink of an eye as she worked on her newest project: a mural in her bedroom.

Ever since Clarke moved into her apartment in September, just before her lectures began, she eyed the one empty wall in her room. Even when she first saw the apartment, while she was still apartment hunting, Abby agreed with her that she would need something to put on that wall. But, once the paperwork was done and the apartment was Clarke’s, she realized that all the paintings she’d done before and all the paintings and posters Bellamy got her were either too small or just looked weird to be put there. So the wall stayed empty.

That’s until, finally, a couple of weeks ago, when they were all hanging out at Bellamy’s apartment, that Murphy gave her a great idea: paint a mural. It took her a couple of days to decide on the idea she liked the most and then a few more days to sketch it out on the wall. It was probably the worst plan in the world to start painting it on December 31st, only hours before she was supposed to show up for the party.

When Clarke finally checked her phone it was 9:42 pm, and she had a full voicemail and dozens of messages from all her friends. She texted " _sorry, omw_ " to the group chat instead of answering every person individually and put on the voice-mails to play as she got ready. As she listened to every message, she only felt more anxious about showing up so late. So, when Clarke was finally done, she ran.

Luckily, she doesn’t live far away, so it’s 10:14 pm when Clarke puts her hand on the apartment doorknob, holding her breath as she pushes it open.

It’s not as hostile welcoming as Clarke had imagined after listening to all the messages. As she walks into the crowded, dimly lit living room, her friends greet her one by one. And most of them only casually comment on her being late. When she bumps into Harper and Monty, who are standing by the threshold of the room and chatting, Harper calls it “being fashionably late” as she hugs her, and Monty agrees with his girlfriend, shooting Clarke thumbs up and a reassuring smile.

Miller, by the beer pong table, calls it “pretty badass” how she didn’t show up before the party to help prepare everything. “I don’t like it, but I respect it,” he tells her with a chuckle. He gives her a friendly shoulder pat before turning his attention back to the game.

Clarke must look extremely anxious as she sets to make her way through the room because even Jackson stops her to reassure her that it's no big deal. He tells her that some people were only slightly worried about her being so late just because it was so unlike her. “But then Bellamy told people to chill because he figured you probably lost track of the time or something,” he says and Clarke nods, thanking him.

“What’s the big deal with New Year’s Eve here anyway?” Jackson asks loudly, prompting Miller to break away from the match, ditching Gaia to play the rest of the game all by herself, while he tells his boyfriend about the importance of throwing a legendary New Year’s Eve party.

Clarke already knows the whole story: New Year's Eve parties are Miller’s and Bellamy’s oldest tradition that started when they were in fifth grade. That year they threw the first-ever party at the Blakes basement. If you can even call a get-together of a couple of ten and eleven-year-old kids a "party". There weren’t any girls, and they played video games and mixed all the soda flavors together and then drank their concoction. Miller says that it was, to this day, the best sleepover party he ever attended. Murphy threw up an hour into the party, and his parents had to pick him up. Next year, they decided to make it a costume party, and half the boys dressed up as the Spider-man while the other half dressed up as Batman. After that, they decided to start inviting girls too.

Even even though she heard all these stories so many times before, Clarke decides to stick around and listen to Miller’s retelling. She is yet to face the Blake siblings who must be more pissed off than the others, and it helps calm Clarke down a bit to watch Jackson’s delighted face as he listens to the story about the boys’ seventh grade party for the first time. It’s no surprise he never heard these stories before, he and Miller have only been dating for a few months now. There are probably more important things to talk about at the beginning of the relationship other than Bellamy stealing a single can of beer in seventh grade to impress some girls and Miller being afraid he’ll get alcohol poisoning if he takes a sip.

Clarke met Jackson on a weekend, only about a month ago, at Bellamy’s and Miller’s apartment at one of their typical impromptu parties. It was about 1 am when the two of them somehow ended up alone in the kitchen and slipped into a conversation. One of the first things she found out about him is that he’s in med school.

“Miller told me you thought about studying medicine. It’s a good thing you decided not to,” he joked before complaining about the amount of studying that’s waiting for him as soon as he gets home that night. It’s one of the many things that made Clarke grateful that she made the decision that she did.

Last January, Clarke had one of the toughest conversations with her mother. She planned it entirely: she bought her flowers and made sure her mom was well-rested and didn’t have work in the morning before she brought it up on one night while they were having dinner. Abby sat and ate her salad, expressionless, as her daughter told her all about the art program at the University of Polis.

“I think you’re throwing your life away,” her mother had told her firmly, once Clarke had finished her side of the story. A lot more arguing ensued; four weeks of arguing to be precise. It ended by Abby finally saying she’ll let her daughter throw her life away if that’s what she wants. That was enough for Clarke. She really really wanted it.

The acceptance into Harvard didn’t help. It came unexpectedly, Clarke almost didn’t open the email once she received it. But curiosity got the best of her.

“Harvard can suck it,” Octavia said once Clarke told her the news. A week later, her best friend convinced Jasper to make them matching T-shirts with those words written on them.

“Are you sure you want to go to Polis instead?” Abby kept asking Clarke for a week whenever they spent time together or passed each other around the house. She wasn't even trying to hide how appalled she is whenever she said the word 'Polis'. Clarke's answer was a simple ‘yes’ every time.

Bellamy had to check two thousand times with Clarke if she wasn’t making that decision because of him. “I don’t want you to throw away such an amazing opportunity because you think you should be near me. I swear we can do long distance if Harvard is what you want,” he told her once she called him after being accepted into Harvard.

It was sweet of him to worry, but she didn’t make the decision because of him. She made it because that’s what she truly wanted. She was happy with her choices. Being near him, in Polis, was only a plus. A big plus.

When the email from the University of Polis came in, and with it the acceptance into their art program, Clarke was on the phone with Bellamy. As she read him the news, she felt like everything in her life suddenly came into its place. From that moment on, it felt like the days were lighter, weekends lasted longer, and school wasn’t as unbearable as it was before.

“I’m so excited to live with all of you in Polis,” Harper kept saying every day for the rest of their senior year, usually during lunch when all four girls sat together at the benches outside and daydreamt about their college days. The rest of them also got their college acceptance letters and were all thrilled about starting at the University of Polis in the fall.

“What if something happens and we don’t stay friends?” Maya asked one day as she laid in the grass during a free period, looking up at the perfectly blue sky.

All six of them were sprawled across the grass field around her, enjoying the perfect May weather. Jasper was laying right next to Maya, tracing circles on his girlfriend's arm, Harper was resting her head in Monty’s lap as he ran his fingers through her hair, and Octavia looked like she was sound asleep beside them.

Clarke looked up from her sketchbook, but just bit her lip, not knowing what to say. Her eyes met Harper’s, and she knew just what her friend was thinking. They were all so scared and excited to start college, not knowing what will happen once they do.

Although Clarke knew it’s normal to something feel anxious about a life-changing event such as this one, she sometimes felt like her fears overwhelmed her. She was so afraid of losing all of her friends, losing any more of the people she cared about. She could never imagine what her life would be like in a year or two or five, but she could hope the people who are currently in her life won’t leave.

“Don’t ever say something like that again,” Octavia mumbled without opening her eyes. “I don’t give a shit what happens, we’re all in this together, and I can guarantee we’ll all still be friends when we’re fifty.”

“We’re all in this together,” Jasper repeated to the tune from High School Musical, and they all laughed.

As Clarke looks around the crowded room at 10:20 pm, she’s suddenly thankful to have all of her friends still around her. It’s only been a few months since they started college, but the fact that their group has only gotten bigger and closer over time makes Clarke confident they won’t be breaking up any time soon. It fills her heart with joy to see everyone getting along so well: Raven and Emori are sitting on the couch, deeply engrossed in conversation with Monty. Maya and Harper are dancing in the middle of the room with Gaia and some people Clarke haven’t met yet, having a great time. On the other side of the room, Murphy is telling Jasper and Octavia a story that both of them seem to find hysterical. The only person Clarke can’t seem to find in this crowd is Bellamy, and he’s, ironically enough, the person she wants to talk to the most.

She scans the entirety of the living room, finding no traces of Bellamy, so she moves on to the other room he’s most likely to be in. The kitchen. Even before she’s in the kitchen, she catches a glance of curly hair, and her heart skips a beat. Finally, she sees him.

Bellamy’s standing next to the fridge, looking as good as ever, talking to one of his friends from college. He’s wearing a maroon button-down with the top two buttons unbuttoned, and his sleeves pushed to his elbows, and he’s got one hand in his pocket, holding a fresh beer bottle in the other and gesticulating wildly with it. He’s got that determined look on his face that he gets whenever he’s debating history with someone. So instead of running up to him or calling him over, Clarke stays in her place, admiring him, wondering how long it will take him to notice her. She knows he will eventually.

As the guy next to him speaks, Bellamy nods along, bringing the bottle up to his lips, and that’s when his eyes meet hers. She watches as his lips curl into a smile, and he holds her gaze for a moment before turning back to the guy next to him. He says a few words Clarke can’t hear before he puts down his beer and heads toward her.

She feels like all that running is finally catching up to her. She’s breathless as she faces him.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” she tells him, her eyes scanning his, waiting for any kind of unpleasant reaction from him. She wishes she could explain herself, do more than simply apologize for being more than two hours late to his party, but she doesn’t know where to start.

Bellamy chuckles. Instead of responding straight away, he brings his hand up and gently brushes his finger on the spot between her neck and her collarbone. “You have some paint right here.” he smiles, but before she can look down to check, he takes her face into his palms and kisses her. It’s soft and tender at first, and then she opens her mouth a little, and the world besides them disintegrates.

For the last 365 days, Clarke had kissed Bellamy every chance she got. Not every kiss was as great as that first one on the roof, last New Year’s Eve, or the one the night after that. Some kisses were hurried, like the one from a few mornings ago when she woke up in his apartment and had twenty minutes to make it to her lectures, but Bellamy wouldn’t let her get out of the apartment without a proper kiss goodbye.

Some kisses she couldn’t wait for, like the on ones from Clarke’s second semester of her senior year in high school when they only saw each other on the weekends and Clarke stood in front of his house every Friday night, waiting for him to come home and pull her into his arms.

Some kisses she dreaded, like the ones when Bellamy had to go back to Polis at the end of the weekend, after they barely got to spend time together alone, and weren’t still completely sure how their relationship will work when they’re apart.

As she kisses him now, she remembers the relief from the first time she had kissed him in front of Octavia, after they both made sure to talk to her about their feelings separately and see how she will react. That was all nothing compared to the relief she feels as she kisses his tonight. This might be her favorite kiss ever.

Until the next one.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats once he pulls away from the kiss. She closes her eyes, burying her face in his shoulder and pressing a small peck there.

His arms instantly wrap around her back, and he holds her tightly when he whispers: “As long as you’re here now.”

She pulls back, staring into his warm brown eyes. “I am,” she insists, nodding.

“Good,” he says before he kisses her again. Light and easy. Just like everything else with Bellamy.

And then he pulls her by the hand and leads her into the living room. She doesn’t leave his side for a moment as they mingle with the others. And they dance together to the cheesiest pop songs until the clock strikes midnight and he kisses her in the crowd, surrounded by their friends. And after everyone has exchanged hugs and kisses, they start the new year by playing a game of beer pong against Miller and Harper, and once Clarke scores the winning ball, Bellamy wraps his arms around her waist, picking her up and spinning her around. If she could pick a single moment or a memory to replay in her head for the rest of her life, this would be it for Clarke.

Until the next one.

“So, that’s it,” Clarke says, a couple of hours later, after the party dies down and Bellamy’s apartment empties. They’re sitting on the couch in his living room, surrounded by empty bottles and cups on every surface around them, a cleanup that’s left for some another time. Her head is resting on his shoulder, her legs sprawled over his lap as he sleepily runs his fingers through her hair. “Another New Year’s party’s over.”

“Mhm,” he murmurs, planting a kiss at the top of her head.

“Another year ahead of us,” she says, absentmindedly taking his hand and threading their fingers together. “It’s been five years since we met, can you believe it?”

He shakes his head slightly. “It’s gotta be more than that.”

“No,” Clarke insists. “Octavia introduced us at the New Year’s Eve party, and you were a real jackass about it. You didn’t even shake my hand or anything.”

“Oh, I remember that.” Bellamy chuckles. “You sure we haven’t met before that, though?”

“Pretty sure.” She tells him, and he squints his eyes at her doubtfully. “I remember the exact look on your face,” she says with a laugh.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “I don’t know if you know this, but I wasn’t your biggest fan at first.”

“How shocking,” she says sarcastically, and he rolls his eyes playfully.

“I didn’t like you at first either, that was no secret,” she adds after some time.

Bellamy’s lips curl into a cocky grin. “Don’t lie, you were in love with me from the first moment you saw me,” he says, nudging her with his shoulder.

“I thought you were cute, I wasn’t in love with you.” She protests. “I honestly thought you were an asshole.”

“Harsh. But fair.”

“And I was an entitled little brat.” She doesn’t need to wait for him to say it, she’s well aware of what he used to think of her. Not that she could ever blame him, she was acting that way sometimes just to annoy him.

He chuckles, wrapping her in his arms. “And look at us now,” he whispers to her before placing a kiss on her neck that sends shivers down her spine. She melts into him as he continues, leaving a trail of soft kisses up her neck.

“I can’t believe we’ve been together for almost a year now,” she lets out.

Bellamy pulls away slightly, his lips curling into a smirk. “You sick of me already, princess?”

“Absolutely not,” she reassures him, turning around to face him. She pulls him closer to her by the collar of his shirt until they’re so close that her forehead touches his. “I love every single moment of this,” she says, her eyes meeting his.

“Good,” he kisses her softly, a smile on his lips.

Before he can deepen the kiss, she pulls away, her eyebrows raised. “Are you sick of me?”

It’s supposed to be a joke, but Bellamy’s face is serious when he looks at her. “Sick of you?” He asks, sounding like he’s insulted that she even asked. “I want to spend eons with you, Clarke Griffin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I admit that was the most cliche way to end this fic, but once I wrote it, I just couldn’t bring myself to change it.  
> 2\. I want to thank everyone who read this, left kudos, commented, or reblogged the moodboard I made on my tumblr! Without all of you, I wouldn’t have the motivation to finish this story as quickly as I did!♥♥♥  
> 3\. This is my first fanfiction ever (also the first story I ever managed to finish)! It obviously needs another round of editing, and I’ll try to get to that eventually. Right now, my focus is on passing my online exams and writing these other two bellarke fanfics. You can even expect one fanfic (or a part of one) to be published soon hopefully :)  
> 4\. That’s it. I can probably go on forever because I have so many little things about this fanfic that I could talk about, but I won’t. If you want to talk to me about anything else or leave me some constructive criticism for the future, you can write down in the comments or message me on [tumblr](https://gansxythethird.tumblr.com)!  
> May we meet again.


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